


Righteous Side Of Hell

by Unoriginality



Series: Back To Where We Lasted [32]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Experimental Drugs, Human Experimentation, Hydra did it, Tony is hopeless, You only wish it stayed fluffy, according to Tony anyway, at least the UI doesn't meow, disassociative coping techniques, grossly over-simplified politics, he named the bloody UI after his cat, made up politicians, the Soldier is not flattering, violent detox
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-04-28 00:14:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 84,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5070427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unoriginality/pseuds/Unoriginality
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Conversation had bounced around subjects as the food began to cook, smelling incredibly good, when JARVIS interrupted. "Excuse me, Mister Barnes, Captain Rogers, but I have news regarding the Winter Soldier Project files."</p><p>Bucky straightened from leaning on the back of the couch behind Steve. "Bad news?"</p><p>"Yes and no," JARVIS said. "I have successfully tracked down and permanently destroyed three copies within the government files. However, it seems one had already been transferred out before my systems gained access."</p><p>Bucky felt his blood run cold. "Someone else has that? Who? Where'd it go?"</p><p>"I cannot specify who, I'm afraid," JARVIS said. "It has gone through three fictitious email accounts before disappearing from internet access. But its final destination was a computer in Jerusalem."</p><p>Before any of them could say anything, the work phone rang, an annoying little voice singing "I'm about to whip somebody's ass." Bucky made an aggrieved noise, pulling it out of his pocket. "I'm going whip somebody's ass, all right," he grumbled. "Name Tony Stark's." He eyed the caller ID. "Hey, JARVIS, what country has nine seven two as its calling code?"</p><p>"That would be Israel, sir."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Place When We Were Young

_the grass was greener_   
_the light was brighter_   
_the taste was sweeter_   
_the nights of wonder_   
_**with friends surrounded** _   
-Pink Floyd

Bucky stared over Bruce's shoulder, leaning forward slightly to see the small numbers on Bruce's notebook paper. "Bruce, your handwriting is tiny."

"So you keep saying," Bruce said, scribbling numbers and letters down that only someone familiar with chemistry would be able to decipher. Bucky leaned back, turning to rest his hip on the counter next to Bruce, waiting patiently for him to finish. "Here," Bruce said, drawing Bucky's attention over. The notebook was offered to him.

He took it, looking over the numbers. "We need to start inputting right into the computer, you know that?"

"Then we can't take it home to work on after hours," Bruce protested.

Bucky cracked a smile. "We drive our friends crazy doing that." He turned his attention back to Bruce's calculations, the chemical equations that formed molecules that didn't look right to him somehow. His brow furrowed. "Would this have a long enough half-life? We're on the right track, but something seems off. We need this stuff to last longer if we want it to not flush through Steve's system too fast." He handed the notebook back. "Want me to take a crack at it, or do you wanna keep this one your baby?"

Bruce took the notebook, pulling out his glasses and staring at the calculations in dismay. "You're right. That shouldn't have happened. How did that happen?" He sighed. "We're working on this medicine together for a reason." He put the notebook down next to Bucky's. "Your turn."

Before Bucky could even decide to grab his pencil, there were footsteps growing closer out in the hall, and both he and Bruce looked up in time to see Tony walk through the door of the lab, carrying a manilla mailing envelope. "Tony?" Bucky stared at him. "What're you doing here? I thought you were on your way to Cali."

Tony grinned, holding out the envelope. "Stopped in DC to get something before I left for awhile. This is for you."

Bucky stepped forward, meeting Tony halfway, and took the envelope. "What is it?" he asked, even as he was unwrapping the tie.

"Why do people ask that when all they have to do is finish opening things to see the answer to that question?" Tony demanded.

"It probably has to do with basic human psychology," Bruce said.

Bucky peered into the envelope. There was a folder inside, worn around the edges with a paper clip on the top end. He carefully slid the folder out, staring at the cover. "You got the Winter Soldier files back," he said, disbelieving, snapping his head up to look at Tony.

Tony buffed his nails on his coat lapels. "Told you I would." While Bucky tucked the files back into the envelope to keep them all together, Tony continued. "I know none of us feel comfortable with anyone but us having a copy of that. Personal reasons, ethical reasons, lots of reasons. Reasons all over the place. Which is why I left a hacking program there." He motioned to Bruce. "Bruce would know what sort I'm talking about. I hacked SHIELD's files onboard a helicarrier once with one."

Bruce raised his eyebrows. "You're looking for digital copies they might've made."

"Bingo," Tony said. "If I can hack through SHIELD's protocols, the rest of the government agencies are child's play. The program's still running, and it won't find any isolated copies left on USB drives or anything like that, but it'll track down copies in the system and permanently shred them, and look for any other sources the files might've been sent to."

Bucky felt his stomach drop into his feet. "Just in case the information got stolen or sold," he said, not really a question, more finishing Tony's statement.

"Yup," Tony said. "JARVIS here will ping you as soon as he finds anything. He'll let you know if there's any outgoing copies and how many copies are in the system. He'll also let you know when everything he can get to is shredded."

Bucky looked down at the envelope. "Those won't come back to hit you, will it?"

Tony shrugged. "Dunno. It shouldn't, but it might. And if it does, that's why I have an army of lawyers, and failing that, the team'll suit up, if that many hornets come out of this nest at us. I'm not gonna let any of us go to jail for trying to protect you. Besides, we don't want anyone stupid trying to replicate that project. It's potentially a lot of people we'd be protecting by getting those files out of everyone's hands. So don't worry about it. We'll be fine."

A long moment where a million thoughts (or what qualified as thoughts for him) zipped through Bucky's head passed before he took a deep breath. "Thank you, Tony. If you need any help and it's something I can do, let me know."

"Don't worry, I will," Tony said. "Anyway, my plane's waiting. I just stopped by to drop those off and let you know what was going on before JARVIS contacts you and confuses you. I will see my nerd pals in a month." With a grin wide enough to hurt cheek muscles, Tony waved and headed back out.

"He kicks a nest for us and then leaves for a month." Bruce shook his head.

"He works on his suits out there," Bucky said, distracted, not even really sure he's said anything. He leaned back against a counter, staring at the envelope in his hands like it might bite him, or was a bomb that required careful handling. "Never thought I'd see this again," he said.

"Is it a good or a bad thing that you have?" Bruce asked.

Sparing Bruce the briefest of glances, Bucky shrugged. "I don't know," he answered. "Honestly, I don't. On one hand, I'm glad nobody else has it. On the other, it's like that train wreck you shouldn't look at, but you do anyway. Only it's a train wreck I was the only survivor in. It's probably not healthy."

"You've had access to those files through JARVIS this whole time," Bruce pointed out. "It hasn't been a temptation so far, at least not that you've confessed."

Bucky shook his head, careful to hold the envelope by the corner to avoid bending the folder and its contents. "No, it hasn't. But it's not where I can see it. And-" he shrugged again. "I dunno, it's easier to ignore digital content than it is a hard copy of something. Might just be because I was raised and already working before computers came around."

"Do you want me to keep it somewhere where it won't be a temptation for you?" Bruce asked. "I can keep it in my quarters. I can get it for you if you need it, but it won't be immediately accessible."

That was tempting. It was sorely tempting, but it didn't feel right. "This belongs to me, I feel I should be the one to protect it. Like it's my responsibility, you know?" He looked over at Bruce.

Bruce tilted his head slightly, just a touch towards his left shoulder. "I can understand that. I shredded the files on my project, but I can understand holding onto them for personal reasons. That was a big part of your life."

"Still is," Bucky said, setting the envelope aside, on the counter adjacent to the one they had their notebooks on. "My entire job revolves around it. My main job, anyway." He turned back to their notebooks, picking up Bruce's to look at, although he wasn't really seeing the numbers and letters. "It was nice to not be carrying it with just Steve and I, but I'm not really keen on the government actually having it. It was a necessary evil, but..."

"But you're glad to have it back where it belongs," Bruce finished for him. He patted Bucky's metal shoulder. "You talk about this stuff pretty freely now. Which is good."

Bucky laughed, a sharp bark of incredulity. "You've read this and still say that?'

"Well, more than you probably used to," Bruce corrected himself. "I'm sure I could ask Cap how tight-lipped you were in the early days."

"He'd whine at you for hours," Bucky said. "He wanted nothing more than to help me, and I didn't let him. Didn't know how." He motioned at Bruce with the notebook. "But we're getting sidetracked. We have a problem to attack here."

"So we do," Bruce said, staring at the notebook like it was a hated enemy. "I hate to say this, but we might have to put that one aside and work on something else, instead. We're hitting a brick wall, we need fresh eyes on it."

Bucky studied the notebook, then closed it. "You're right. I have an idea. Interested in a trip to DC with Steve and the girls?"

Bruce blinked. "Depends on why, I suppose."

Bucky leaned back, tossing the notebook on the counter next to his own. "I got a friend in DC that I'm missing, wouldn't mind seeing her and tasting her food again. Nice woman, owns a restaurant called 'Mama's'. We can invite Sam to join us, spend the evening in town. We can get a couple hotel rooms, give ourselves a break from this place. Steve's starting to go crazy with that damn game."

Bruce pursed his lips together, slightly red-faced, clearly trying to keep from laughing too much. "He's determined, isn't he?"

Bucky rolled his eyes. "He's sworn to make it through one world without Sharon forcing him to use a continue. I keep telling him he's up against the ultimate evil of a woman and he won't win. He never did listen to me when it came to women."

Bruce chuckled and adjusted his glasses. "Well, it's not like any of us have anything to do that would prevent us from taking a one-day vacation. Would it be upsetting to make us tour the new Captain America exhibit tomorrow?"

Bucky made a face. "Might as well see what they got wrong about me," he said. "Why not. I don't think Maria's seen the place at all. She should probably get a chance to laugh at how old fashioned we were back then."

"I doubt she'll laugh," Bruce said. "She likes you too much."

"That doesn't mean some of what we grew up with isn't strange by today's standards," Bucky pointed out. He grabbed their notebooks and the manilla envelope, and handed Bruce his notebook. "Come on, let's go round up the others and see what they think of this dumb idea I just had."

Bruce took his notebook. "JARVIS, if we decide to head out, will you shut down my computer and the lab for me? If we decide against it, we'll be back down."

"Of course, Doctor Banner," JARVIS said.

Content that the lab would be taken care of, they headed out, pausing long enough for Bruce to lock the door.

Bruce pocketed his key. "So what put this idea in mind? It was rather abrupt."

Bucky shrugged. "I dunno. Probably the files. The last time they were in my home possession was when Steve and I lived in DC. And like I said, I miss that restaurant and the lady who owns it. She'd want to meet Maria, I think."

"Old girlfriend?" Bruce asked. "Most exes don't want to meet the current girl."

"Naw, not a girlfriend," Bucky said. "Would've been if we'd stayed in DC. Nothing ever came of it. I was too busy keeping my head down from the public to be able to even tell her my real name. Or talk at all. She never heard me speak until we made one last visit before moving."

Bruce shook his head. "I still don't understand how silence and a hat kept the press at bay for so long."

Bucky laughed. "Neither do I," he said. "Luck. I think if it'd happened any sooner, I might've had a panic attack and just ran and never come back."

"As opposed to running, then throwing yourself in jail," Bruce said as they waited at the elevators.

Bucky gave him a dirty look. "I ran out of the blast zone before coming back to deal with the fallout. Anyone with a bit of sense gets out from under the bomb as it's going off."

The elevator doors opened, let out a few people, then Bucky and Bruce stepped in to an empty elevator. Bruce pressed the button for the residential floor. "True, true," Bruce admitted. "So, do you think we only have to track down Maria? Sharon will probably be at your place with Steve."

"Probably," Bucky said. "Those two still have a touch of shiny new relationship syndrome going on. I'm starting to get replaced as Steve's shadow. I have to share his hip with her."

Bruce laughed. "The other woman's taken over?"

"I'm the neglected housewife," Bucky said, keeping his face and tone as dead serious as possible, although the desire to laugh was strong. "I cook, I clean, I get ignored in favor of the girlfriend. Shows you how grateful he is."

One of Bruce's eyebrows raised. "You do the cleaning, too?"

Bucky shook his head. "No, not actually. He does the kitchen, and we clean up after our own messes. We take turns with the rest of the housework. I just slave away in the kitchen."

"After how much you enjoyed cooking for Christmas, I'd have to say that you probably don't mind that much," Bruce said, looking at him. "And isn't Maria doing some of the cooking there now?"

Feeling caught, Bucky frowned. "It's not like she's over every night. She's learned to cook enough that she doesn't have to."

"And when she doesn't, you're over there," Bruce said. "It sounds like Steve and Sharon aren't the only ones with shiny new relationship syndrome."

The elevator dinged and the doors slid open. Bucky pointed out into the hall. "Out of here," he said with a growl that wasn't terribly heartfelt, more meant in jest. "Quit ruining my complaining."

"I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing," Bruce said, walking out into the hall. "Which side is your apartment on again?"

"The right," Bucky said, taking a slight lead. "JARVIS, where's Maria? She's in the building, right?"

"Yes, Mister Barnes," JARVIS said. "She's currently in her quarters."

"Thanks." Bucky stopped at his apartment door, waited for it to unlock, then led Bruce in. To his complete lack of surprise, Steve and Sharon were at that game again, Sharon still giggling like a demented hyena and Steve scolding her repeatedly and cursing her name. "Seriously, you two? Do you do anything else? You need hobbies."

Steve paused the game as they both looked back at him and Bruce. "Oh, hey Bruce." Steve set down his controller and pointed sternly at Sharon. "Unpause that game and meet instant death."

She scrunched her nose at him. "You like me too much to hurt me."

"Mario might be the hill we die on," Steve warned her, sounding about as serious Bucky did when he called him his boyfriend. He got up. "So what's with the visit? Did the lab explode?"

"Nope," Bucky said, walking down towards the couches. Steve took the hint and sat back down. "I had an idea for a one day vacation for the lot of us, including Maria. Mind if I borrow the screen?"

Steve motioned to it, glancing up at Bruce, who'd stopped behind the couches. "Go ahead." He looked like he was itching to ask what was going on.

"JARVIS, will you call Maria for me?"

The game screen disappeared, being replaced by the Avengers symbol on the telepresence system. A phone icon appeared below the symbol, then Maria's face took over the screen. "This is Hill." She paused. "I see the Avengers home committee are all gathered. May I guess that there are plans being made?"

Bucky smiled. "Always nice to see your face, dear," he said. "But plans are why we called you. Interested in taking a one-day vacation away from the Tower?"

"I'm intrigued," Maria said. "Where to?"

"DC," Bucky said. "I figured we could meet up with Sam, go to Mama's restaurant. She likes us, we haven't seen her since we moved here, I think she'd like to see that we're doing well. We can hit up some local sights, grab a hotel. Bruce suggested going to the remodeled exhibit in the Smithsonian. Apparently, they're done with renovations."

"The Captain America exhibit?" she asked for clarification.

Bucky nodded. "Which has been expanded. I want to see how much they screwed up about me so I can bitch at someone."

Steve looked up at him. "I doubt they got too much wrong," he said. "But I like the idea. I wouldn't mind Mama's cooking again, and we haven't seen Sam since your birthday."

"I'm in," Sharon said. "Even if I didn't want to, I have this lot to protect. I might actually get to work for awhile." She inclined her head in the general direction of the three men present. Bucky wasn't sure why Bruce was included in that. Did the CIA give her the job of protecting all the Avengers? Or maybe she'd just taken it upon herself. Who knew.

Maria quirked one eyebrow and tilted her head to the side slightly. "I caught up on the paperwork Tony left for me, and we just finished a project. The queue of upcoming ones has a blank spot in it. I can come. It would be rather nice to get away from New York as a group without it being for a job. When are we leaving?"

Bucky looked at the others, receiving shrugs, then gave a shrug of his own. "Any time, as long as we get to Mama's before she closes. But she's open until eleven, so that's a pretty big window of time."

"If we want Sam to come along, we might want to get there before that," Steve said. "Maybe we could leave as soon as we all pack an overnight bag. I can call Sam, see if he can meet us at Mama's."

"It shouldn't take long for us to pack a bag for one night," Bruce said. "We'll meet in front of the elevator. When everyone's ready, we'll leave."

With the plans agreed upon, the five of them went separate ways, all of them to pack, and Steve to make a quick call to Sam. He confirmed a meet up for five at Mama's. Within ten minutes, the group had assembled by the elevators.

There was a bit of debate about whose car to take, and who was sitting where- most cars accommodated five adults uncomfortably, more meant for two adults and three children. Bruce didn't drive. "Too stressful," he'd said. Sharon's car didn't have a back seat to speak of, and Maria's car had a smaller trunk that risked not holding all their luggage. Which meant taking Steve and Bucky's car. Since Bucky wasn't allowed to drive (Steve seemed to think that he'd always break the steering wheel when irritated by bad drivers, when he'd already proven otherwise, the jackass), he offered to sit in the back by the women.

He got a few suspicious looks for that, but he promised to keep his hands to himself. What, did they really think he'd do anything but enjoy being san- okay, maybe they should've been looking at him crossways. Brain, any time you want to stop thinking like a teenage boy, that'd be great.

It turned out that their suspicions weren't necessary anyway, as the women flat out refused to let him sit in the middle. "Too awkward with your shoulder width," Maria pointed out.

"Speaking of shoulder width, I'm not quite as broad as he is," Bruce said. "I'm not exactly an enhanced super soldier. It'd be best if I joined the girls in the back."

"I think I'm being conspired against," Bucky complained as they loaded the trunk with five overnight bags. "It's not like I planned on molesting anyone or anything."

Maria patted his shoulder. "We keep that private. Either way, you're sitting up front."

"It'd be weird for you to not be up front with Steve," Sharon added. "You two are the married couple around here."

"That has nothing to do with anything," Bucky said. "But I see I've been banished from sitting by my ladies, so I'll take the front and harass Steve."

Steve gave all four of them a look of great consternation, closing the trunk and clicking his fob to unlock the car doors. "Do I get a say in this?"

"No," was the answer from four voices that would've made a terrible choir.

That basically decided that.

The trip between New York City and DC was around four hours, depending on where in the cities the start and end points were. After traffic, it turned out much longer.

"Better let Sam know we're going to be a bit late," Steve said as they finally got towards DC's outer suburbs. "Traffic's heavier than I thought it'd be."

"It's the middle of tourist season," Maria pointed out. "You weren't expecting heavy traffic?"

"I forgot it was tourist season," Steve said, eyes on the road, but it wasn't hard to see his grimace. "We didn't plan this that well."

"Plans shmams, it's fun to be impulsive sometimes," Bucky said, although he knew he'd regret that as soon as they had to body surf over crowds to get anywhere.

Steve frowned. "I'll refrain from commenting on your impulses that get us into trouble. Are you going to make that call or not?"

Bucky held his hand out to Steve. "You're the one with the regular phone. And I am not digging into your back pocket for you."

"Damnit." Steve shifted, managing to wrestle the phone out of his back pocket and handed it over.

"This is why I wear cargos," Bucky said, scrolling through the contacts. "I don't have to sit on my damn phone or wallet." Finally finding Sam's number- "damnit, Steve, when are you going to reorganize these contacts?" "Never," "Annoying asshole," -Bucky hit dial and hoped that Sam would answer and wasn't in the middle of driving. Bucky strongly disapproved of talking on the phone while driving unless it was an emergency. Bucky telling Sam that they'd be late was not an emergency.

"Whose melodious voice am I about to hear?" Sam said upon answering.

"You'd better not be driving right now," Bucky said.

"Ah, the elder of the Wonder Twins. I'm going to guess this is one of two things. One, you're going to be late, or two, you're cancelling at the last second and it'll break my poor little heart."

Bucky looked at Steve. "Your friend is like you. A jackass."

"I collect jackasses," Steve said off-handedly.

Sam laughed in Bucky's ear.

"Don't you start, Wilson," Bucky said. "We're gonna be a bit late, maybe another thirty minutes. If you haven't left yet, don't. If you have, just tell the waitstaff that you're waiting for us. You'll get prime seating and royal treatment. And if you have left, you'd better not be driving."

"Relax," Sam said. "I'm at a gas station. I had to put fuel in my girl. She was empty."

"You are as weird as Natasha about your car," Bucky said. "We'll be there in about thirty minutes. Traffic is doing that thing that makes me clench my fist in rage again."

"Which is why you're not allowed to drive," Steve said. "I don't need to replace another steering wheel."

Sam laughed again. "All right. I'll just wait there for you guys. I kinda figured you'd be later than four hours anyway. Hope nobody minds if I order my drink while I wait."

"No, you have to suffer from thirst until we get there," Bucky said.

"Bucky, you're a sweetheart," Sam said. "Such beautiful words you're speaking to me. I may swoon. But I won't, because I have to drive now, and I don't need you yelling in my ear about talking on the phone while driving. I'll see you guys in about a half hour."

Bucky rolled his eyes as he hung up. "Seriously, Steve, where do you find these people?"

"Just remember," Maria said, and Bucky knew that if he didn't tread very carefully, he'd be sleeping on the proverbial couch for a week, "I'm one of 'those people' that Steve found and brought into your life."

Bucky looked back over his shoulder at her. "Yeah, but you're not a jackass like Sam. And you're a pretty lady. You can get away with murder, if you want."

"Nice save," Maria said. "Keep that up and I might just stick around."

Sharon, who was occupying the seat behind Steve, leaving Maria caught between her and Bruce, looked at Maria. "You have to stick around. Who else is going to distract him while I run away with Steve? Bucky gets grumpy if he's left alone too long."

Bucky scowled. "I'm not used to being alone, that's all," he said, turning back around. "I don't like my routines being messed with."

"Most people don't," Bruce said, risking life and limb to cut into a not-argument between Bucky and the ladies in his life. "Don't worry, I don't think even Sharon's feminine wiles could lure Steve away from you forever."

"Damn right," Bucky grumbled. "We're coming up on our ninety-third anniversary this September."

"Oddly specific."

Steve sighed with a flourish that was completely unnecessary. "We met in the first week of school back in '23," he explained.

"Almost a century and the bastard still hasn't made an honest man out of me." Bucky sniffed indignantly. "Not even an offer to."

Steve reached over, smacking the back of his hand soundly on Bucky's metal shoulder. He swore and shook his hand as if that might make the pain go away. "Bucky, I swear, I'm going to dump you on the side of the road one of these days."

Bucky couldn't help himself. He turned his head to look at Steve with a completely serious look, and in a tone as level as he could, said "if you do, we are never ever ever getting back together."

That seemed to amuse the backseat if the eruption of laughter coming from that general vicinity were any indication.

Steve did his best to give all of them pointed stares of confusion without taking his eyes off the road. "Okay, missed a joke."

Bruce was the first to compose himself. "It's a reference to a Taylor Swift song. It was popular when it came out several years ago."

"I didn't realize you liked Taylor Swift," Sharon said, clearing her throat sounding like she was swallowing back more laughter.

"I don't," Bucky said, making a face. "Everything she does is horrible. I just join the internet in making fun of her."

"I don't know if I'd call everything she does horrible," Maria said. "But her songs are certainly easy to make fun of."

"It's because they're catchy," Sharon said. "The catchier a tune, the more they're gonna get parodied and made fun of. I think my favorite example of that was _Roll A D6_."

Bucky turned to look at her, his seat belt cutting across his throat uncomfortably to do so. "What one was that?"

"It was a parody of _Like A G6_ , which was a grotesquely popular and catchy song back in ... I think before Steve was found in the Arctic, actually. Only by a year or so, though."

Bruce raised his eyebrows. "Is that parody a gaming reference?"

Sharon grinned. "Yeah. I used to play, long time ago, back in high school and college. Then I joined SHIELD and got too busy and had nobody to play with." She got a perfectly wicked grin on her face. "I could run a campaign for you guys."

"No," Bucky said. "Not a chance in hell. Maybe if someone else was running it, but I do not trust you after watching you decimate Steve in Mario with a laugh to scare small children." Sharon tried to pout at him, but there was too much evil in her eyes, he saw right through it. "No. I want no part of it. If the others want to, that's fine, but I will not fall to your sadism."

"Well, you can watch and make commentary at the others," she said. "I don't think anyone would, though. I love you guys, but none of you strike me as the type to tabletop."

"How much math does it involve?" Maria asked. "You might convince the two nerds here to join if there's a lot."

"I am not a nerd," Bucky protested.

"There's a _lot_ ," Sharon said, ignoring Bucky. "Depending on what system you use, anyway. Some, not so much, some you practically need to know calculus for. There's more out there than when I was playing, I'd have to do some research and see what would work best for this group, but I don't want to bother unless I have commitment."

Bruce shrugged. "I wouldn't mind, I suppose. I've never been one for games, but it sounds worth a try." He glanced at Bucky. "If only because if we all agree, he has to either agree or sit out as the fifth wheel while we have fun."

"You're an asshole, Bruce," Bucky said. "Fine, if everyone wants in, I'll play and be as obnoxious about it as possible."

Sharon narrowed her eyes at him. "If you end up being a rules lawyer, I will have rocks from heaven rain down on your character's head."

"Which puts me back as commentator."

She glared at him with angry determination. "I will get you trapped in my world, just wait and see." Then she looked away as if something came to mind that hadn't before. "Actually, no, stay as a commentator. You're the type that would cause the apocalypse over an 'oops' plan and an unfortunate dice roll."

"This has happened before?" Maria asked, looking at Sharon. Bucky couldn't tell if she looked intrigued by the idea, or fearful of it.

"My team accidentally blew open the fabric of spacetime when we tried to make a small earthquake on the San Andrea's. We rolled a little too well on that."

Bucky stared at her. "Okay, now it's sounding interesting."

Sharon beamed. "Good. I will start planning immediately. I will not disappoint."

Conversation drifted as they made their way through DC's streets, until they entered a part of town that was familiar to Bucky, that almost made him homesick. He missed DC. He missed the too-small apartment, and the kitchen- okay, no, he didn't miss the tiny kitchen, but he missed a lot of the other little things, the routines, the dishes, the tiny bookshelf that didn't have enough room, that bitty dining room table, and the fire escape outside the window.

He was happy in New York, of course, with a new family around him and easily reached at all times, but sometimes he missed when it was just him and Steve. His world had gotten larger and accommodated more people, and sometimes it felt a bit crowded. He assumed he'd get over that.

Steve pulled up into the parking lot beside Mama's restaurant. "There's Sam's car," he said, parking next to it. "Hope he hasn't been waiting long."

"He can suffer," Bucky said, unbuckling and getting out once the car was shut off. "He didn't sit through traffic from hell in Baltimore."

"Aren't you a generous soul," Maria said once she'd managed to worm her way out after Bruce.

Bucky flashed her a smarmy grin. "That's why you started dating me, isn't it?" Her expression clearly said that she wasn't going to agree with him on that one. He shrugged. "Okay, maybe not." He offered her his arm with a theatrical flair, just to be a smartass. "How about you date me because I'm a gentleman?"

She may have rolled her eyes, but she smiled and took his arm. "I'm dating you because you make me smile. I think that's more important than opening doors for me."

"Hey, Bucky," Sharon said, drawing his attention as they made their way to the door. "You're keeping her, right? Because I think you might've found a winner."

Bucky looked at Maria, then back to Sharon. "We're trying for it. I wouldn't mind having this pretty lady on my arm a while longer."

"I'm starting to feel like a fifth wheel over here," Bruce said, looking amused at the shenanigans of his coupled friends, and not at all serious.

Sharon walked around Bucky and Maria to get to Bruce and draped herself on his arm. "Don't," she said with a smile. "We're all family here. No such thing as fifth wheels in families."

Bruce didn't seem to mind the affection, which Bucky found slightly odd. He didn't know how close Bruce was to Sharon, had rarely seen them interact outside of the whole group before, and Bruce hadn't crossed Bucky as one to enjoy physical contact. Not to the extent of a friend kidnapping his whole arm and being charming at him.

Steve grabbed the front door of the restaurant and held it open for them, distracting Bucky from his thoughts. "She speaks truth," he said as the others filed in, Maria having to let go of Bucky's arm to get through.

Two things jumped at Bucky's attention first; at their old usual table was Sam, who called to them with a 'hey!' and a wave, and second that the hostess was one of the ones they usually saw, a girl named Annamarie, and she was sporting a smile so bright that Bucky had a feeling even Mama might have trouble beating.

Annamarie turned back towards the kitchen. "Emily, get Mama. Captain Rogers and the Winter Soldier are here."

"I heard!" Maggie's voice came from the kitchen, and within seconds, the short redheaded woman whose smile did manage to beat that of the hostess came all but running out. "Steve! Winter!" Upon reaching them, she pulled them both into hugs, one at a time, all but throwing herself on them. "Oh, I've missed you two so much! It hasn't been the same without you." She stepped back, looking at the group. "And you brought me some friends! I've already seen to Mister Wilson's drink, come on, come on, everyone. Come sit down, I'll fix you up with drinks." She looked at the hostess. "Annamarie, get menus for everyone." She eyed Steve and Bucky critically. "Unless you two are going to make me do your usuals again. You'd better, I've missed making them for you."

Steve was smiling ear to ear. "Our usuals are fine, Mama."

Bucky tapped Steve's arm. "Steve? You don't answer for me anymore, remember?"

Steve stared at him blankly for a moment. "Oh, right. Man, this place takes me back."

"Me too," Bucky said. He looked at Maggie. "But yes, I'd like my usual. Haven't found anywhere else that has something similar."

"That's because it's a Mama's original," Maggie said with a beaming smile that she could light a room with. She looked over the others, then over at Sam. "Oh, honey, I don't think your usual spot will actually hold all these people. Lemme show you to a bigger table. Annamarie, would you clean up the table Mister Wilson's at right now once I get them moved?"

"Of course," Annamarie said. "Sorry for seating him in the wrong place. I didn't realize they'd be bringing an army."

Bruce chuckled. "Oh, this isn't the army. The army's missing five people. Don't worry, if we decide to introduce everyone, we'll give advance notice."

"You're welcome to bring them any time," Maggie said. "Any friends of Steve and Winter are friends here. Now come on, everyone come sit, get settled. Your friend's been waiting, and you can all introduce yourselves proper."


	2. These Should Not Be Forgotten Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To one side of the wall of stars was an engraved stand. Bruce pulled on his glasses, studying the writing on the stand. "'Freedom Wall holds 4,048 gold stars. Each gold star represents one hundred American service personnel who died or remain missing in the war. The 405,399 American dead and missing from World War II are second only to the loss of more than 620,000 Americans during our Civil War.'" He pulled off his glasses. "That's a lot of good men and women."
> 
> "When was this built?" Steve asked, studying the stars on the wall.
> 
> "Early nineties, I think" Sam said. "I was a kid when the cranes came out."
> 
> Bucky looked at Steve, then back at the stand. "They can fix that number. Two of them are ours. We've been found."

_hearts have been hard_   
_our hands have been clenched in a fist too long_   
_our sons need never be soldiers_   
_our daughters will never need guns_   
_these are the years between_   
_**these are the years that were hard fought and won** _   
-Midnight Oil

"So who're the lovely ladies you two have hanging on your arms?" Maggie asked once everyone was settled, served their drinks, ordered and waiting on Maggie's kitchen staff to prepare all the food. "And the gentlemen, too," she said, nodding at Bruce and Sam.

Steve took over introductions. "This is Sharon Carter. Our personal bodyguard who moonlights as my girlfriend."

Sharon nudged him. "With you staying home all the time and Bucky staying in the lab with Bruce's supervision, it's more the other way around. You two and the others are all well-behaved." 

There it was again, that odd inclusion of the other Avengers as part of her job. She'd always been good about separating job from personal life with them. He wondered if something had changed. What, he wasn't sure.

Sharon looked up at Maggie. "Pleasure to meet you, Mama. Steve and Bucky have talked about you before."

"Have they?" Maggie gave them a mock stern look. "It'd better have been how good my food is, or they're wearing it when it comes out."

"I don't think all the praise in the world they could've given you would trump Tony's assessment that your cheeseburgers were the best he's ever tasted," Bruce said.

Maggie looked ready to burst from pride. "I need to ask him if he'll put that on the record, see if it doesn't grow my business a bit. Grandmama would be awfully proud to see how her recipes have impressed big names. But anyway, I'm sorry, I'm not catching everyone's name."

"Bruce Banner," Bruce said, nodding in greeting, too far down the table to reach Maggie's hand. "I work at the Avengers Tower with Bucky. We're mostly working on pharmaceuticals right now."

Maggie looked at Bucky. "When did you get into science?"

"I've always been a scientist, sorta," Bucky said. "I have a degree in chemical engineering. It's a bit out of date, but it's not hard to catch up. We're still mercenaries, but it's nice to have something to do between jobs."

Maggie made a noise of acknowledgement, then looked at the other side of the table at Sam. "And you're Sam Wilson, I caught that when you came in. How do you fit in with the Avengers?"

"Occasional guest at the Tower, but otherwise far away because I can't keep up with superheroes," Sam said. "They run faster than I do, and that's bad for survival. Zombie movie rule number one."

Maria looked at him. "I'm sure you don't run any slower than Sharon or I do. Keep visiting the Tower, and you'll be made an honorary Avenger who mans the DC branch."

"Solo watch duty, hm?" Sam nodded to himself, making a thinking noise. "Well, at least the bedding accommodations are better than the last time I was in the field, taking up stupid missions." He looked at Bucky. "Just remember, your girlfriend volunteered me."

Maggie's eyebrows shot up. "Girlfriend? Winter, did you finally find someone?"

Bucky studied her for a second, trying to determine if there was any jealousy there. If there were, that'd make dinner very uncomfortable, and future visits difficult. Deciding that if Maggie was jealous at all, she was very good at hiding it, he answered her with a shit-eating grin. "I did. She puts up with my dumb ass."

Maria, closer than Sam or Bruce, held out her hand to Maggie. "Maria Hill."

Maggie shook her hand. "Nice to meet you, Maria. I hope you're taking care of our Winter. He's a keeper."

"He's been tolerable," Maria answered that tone that Bucky had come to learn was deadpan snark.

Tolerable. He show her tolerable. He reached his cold metal hand down and pressed it against her lower back under the edge of her shirt.

She jumped with a yelp, then glared at him. "You keep doing that, and you'll find yourself on the couch."

"Good luck with that," he said. "You live in your own place."

"And you won't be welcome there."

Other customers were trickling in about then, the dinner rush starting, and Maggie had to excuse herself to the kitchen with a promise to see them off once they were ready to leave. Their food arrived shortly thereafter, Maggie seeing to them personally, albeit with help from Emily. There were far too many plates for Maggie to carry by herself, even with her tray.

"Here's your usuals, boys," she said, setting down Steve's chili and Bucky's salad. "Chili that is very hot, be careful, Steve, and my original salad for Winter." She looked about ready to explode into tiny pieces of joy, getting to serve them that food again.

Maria looked at Bucky once Maggie had gone back to her job. "She calls you Winter?"

Bucky paused with a fork full of strawberry and spinach halfway to his mouth. "She didn't know my name until we moved from here," he said. "Really wasn't anything else she could call me. It's probably just habit to keep calling me that." He shoved that bite of food into his mouth, then pointed his fork at her. "You're jealous," he said.

"I am not jealous," Maria said, raising one eyebrow at him in challenge. "I just found it an odd nickname. It reminded me of the Winter Warlock from the old Christmas claymation special about Santa Claus."

The other three more modern people started laughing hysterically. Steve looked confused, while Bucky stared at Maria, trying to decide if that statement warranted revenge or not. He decided on vengeance. "I'll get you back later."

Maria looked at Steve. "Does he always threaten his lady friends?"

Steve still looked vaguely confused by the Santa Claus joke. "Only the ones that stick around long enough to become actual girlfriends," he said. "And I think that was less of a threat and more of a promise."

"Okay." Bucky looked over at Sam and Bruce, then across at Sharon. "Who wants to explain the Santa Claus thing to us old fogies?"

Sam laughed again. "It's a kids Christmas special from decades ago, probably about ten, maybe twenty years after you two went under. It explained the Santa myth, why he goes down chimneys, why he wears that red and white disco suit. There was an evil warlock that made some parts of a mountain pass inaccessible because he was a giant jerkface, named Winter Warlock. Kris Kringle talked him into being good, and so Winter showed him how to make these creepy, all-seeing crystal balls out of snow. Also had magic corn that made reindeer fly. Basically, he was a plot device."

Bucky whipped his head back around to give his girlfriend the evil eye. "I am _definitely_ getting you back."

Maria gave him an amused smile that belonged on that of a brat that really deserved to be turned over someone's knee, but was probably going to just get another cold hand to a warm spot when least expecting it. "I didn't say you were a plot device, you know. I just said the name reminded me of the show. Now, eat your salad before your greens get soft and mushy from the dressing."

As the restaurant filled up and became noisier from other patrons, their own conversations dwindled off, eating and getting out becoming more of a priority. Maggie stopped by, regretful that it would only be briefly, to make sure their food had been fine and to dismiss their check.

"Mama, we weren't smart enough to try to get a reservation at a hotel before we left New York," Steve said after Maggie had talked them down from paying despite her assurances that it was on the house. "Is there a hotel anywhere nearby that's likely to have rooms open?"

Maggie looked thoughtful. "There's a Hampton Inn about a mile away, southwest of here. I've sent diners there before, and they always come back the next day to say thank you. You guys enjoy your stay, come see me again soon. I hate to run on you, but my kitchen just got busy on me." She gave them a brilliant smile before running back to her job.

The group left a hundred dollars on the table in twenties and tens to pay for the food in defiance of Maggie's generosity and to leave a sizable tip for whoever Maggie decided to divvy it to, then left. Steve and Bucky said goodbye to Annamarie on their way out the door.

The parking lot was crowded, and Bucky was glad to see Maggie's business doing so well, although he worried she might have to hire more crew.

"So are you guys just planning on having a pajama party at the hotel for the rest of the evening?" Sam asked once they'd reached the cars.

"You got an idea?" Bucky asked, crossing his arms.

"Have you guys seen the World War II memorial yet? It's not like the Vietnam Wall, you won't see any names on it, but you might find it interesting."

"I don't know about the others, but Bucky and I haven't seen it," Steve said. "We've passed it on runs, but it's never been something either of us have been up for stopping at when we're in the area."

Sam leaned back against his car. "If you think it wouldn't be too much on top of the museum tomorrow, we could get you guys checked into your hotel, then go wander around it. Have you two ever gone to the National Mall to do anything but run?"

Bucky shook his head. "Briefly with Tony and Pepper when they visited last year, but we didn't really linger anywhere. I think Tony just had us wandering around because he's a smartass, trying to pull the 'that's what tourists do' line. He didn't make Pepper's feet happy with him."

"Then why don't we go wander the area for real?" Sam said. "I know we're familiar with it, but our esteemed doctor, bodyguard, and girlfriend might not have."

"I've seen it," Sharon said, "but it might be nice to get the perspective of someone who was there." She looked up at Steve. "Care to play educator to your girlfriend?"

Steve looked at the others. "I guess I don't mind."

"I haven't seen the area more than in passing," Maria said.

"And I haven't seen it at all," Bruce added. "It would be nice to get a tour while I'm on vacation here."

Sam clapped his hands together once, rubbing them like he'd just come up with a sinister plan. "Right, check in first, unload bags, get our asses over to the Mall, play tourists."

Steve lifted his arms in a shrug. "Then I guess that's the plan. Bucky, you've got the phone, find that Hampton Inn that Mama mentioned for us." He looked at Sam. "Do you wanna meet at the Mall, or follow us to the hotel?"

"I'll meet you at the Mall," Sam said. "Just lemme know if it'll be longer. I'll assume you found another army to fight and send in the National Guard to back you up."

Bruce got a bland smile on his face that belied how amused he actually was. "Oh, don't worry. If we find an army, the National Guard would be better off evacuating civilians. We won't need their back up."

"Yeah, that's what scares me," Sam said. "Get outta here. I'll see you at the Mall."

They parted ways, Sam going to find something resembling parking within acceptable walking distance of the Mall, and the others pausing long enough for Bucky to locate that hotel and a back up one in case their first choice was full.

"Maybe we should've called ahead," Sharon said from the back seat once they were moving again.

"Where's the fun in that?" Steve said, navigating the neighborhood.

Bucky watched the streets go by, marking names as he counted the distance to the next turn. "If it comes to it, we'll crash with Sam, because he just loves us all so much."

Steve reached over to give Bucky's arm a lazy swat, only for his hand to snap sharply against the metal. He swore and shook his hand.

Bucky laughed. "Two years, Steve. One of these days you'll remember."

Steve decided not to dignify that, if his grumble of discontent followed by a pointed silence was any indication. Bucky laughed at him again. Steve almost reach out to shove at him again, but caught himself. That only made Bucky laugh harder.

"We're getting treated to the interactions of the oldest married couple on the planet," Sharon said. "It'd be cute, if it weren't too busy being ridiculous."

"It's certainly peculiar," Bruce agreed.

Steve made a grumpy noise. "None of you are helping."

"I remained silent," Maria pointed out.

"You also weren't helping," Steve said.

"I wasn't aware I was obligated to."

Bucky almost answered her, but the street name a block away caught his attention. "Turn left there," he said. "it'll be a couple blocks away on the right." Once Steve had followed his directions, Bucky tilted his head back to address Maria, which was only marginally successful. She was sitting behind him this time. "Never help him," he said. "He deserves all the abuse I can give him."

He could picture the smile on her face with her tone. "And you deserve what he heaps on you."

"I won't deny that."

Conversation stopped as Steve pulled up to the hotel, parking in front of the door. "I'll go see if they have any rooms available."

"Not a bad looking place," Bruce said once Steve had entered the building.

Bucky peered up at it through his window. "I've definitely stayed in worse. The dinky place Natasha took us to in Indiana was pitiful. The dining room in our old apartment was bigger, and we had to share the room with her. Not the most comfortable night I've ever had."

"When was this?" Maria asked.

Bucky turned in his seat, safer now that they weren't driving, and looked at her. "When we ran off to Nebraska after Hydra started releasing that information on me. We stopped halfway there because she needed rest. She was about ready to run us off the road with how tired she was. Of course, she wouldn't let Steve take over, because we weren't allowed to know where we were going until we got past Illinois."

Sharon raised an eyebrow. "Did she say why?"

"Steve's a terrible liar and apparently Illinois has annoying law enforcement. She didn't want anything slipping if we got pulled over. Which we did."

Bruce frowned. "Natasha's good at avoiding the law, how'd she manage to get pulled over?"

Bucky shrugged. "One of the taillights was out. It wasn't screwed in tight. Nothing big. I think the electric system needed an overhaul. The car was-" He stopped to think, trying to remember what year Natasha said that car had been made in. "Thirteen years old, I think. And it was a cheap Chevy with shitty shocks."

Maria looked amused. "You sound less than impressed."

"My ass was a bruise by the time we got to Nebraska," he griped. He turned again to look at the hotel, watching Steve through the glass doors. Steve was at the front counter, messing with his wallet and handing a card over to the front desk worker. "Looks like he got us rooms," he said.

"Good," Sharon said, leaning over Maria's lap to look out the window. "It's a nice place, and it's convenient." She looked at Maria. "Think it'll come with a nice tub for us ladies?"

Maria glanced out the window as Sharon sat back up. "I'll leave the bath to you, I prefer showers."

And there were mental images that Bucky was _not_ sharing. Not unless he wanted to be maimed by a couple of women with nasty claws. He begged his brain to find something new to focus on. Getting regular sex had turned his head back into a resident of the shores of Lake Titicaca like it had been in the Army. It was going to get him into trouble if his mind ever started thinking in words properly.

Steve returned, four plastic cards in paper slips in hand, and got into the car. He handed two of them to Sharon, then two to Bucky. "Here're the keys. We're in 247 and 249. They're taking a cot bed up to 247 for the guys. Ladies, you're in 249. Hope you don't mind sharing a bed, they didn't have any rooms with more than one bed left."

Sharon shook her head. "I'm fine with that."

"We're government agents," Maria said, taking one of the key cards from Sharon. "You get used to odd sleeping arrangements on occasion."

Bags were gathered and taken in, up the elevator and down the hall to their rooms, where they were promptly abandoned, locked up in the rooms until they returned later. Nobody took the time to unpack, not with Sam waiting for them at the Mall.

Back into the car, out of the parking lot, down the street and out of the neighborhood to the more touristy section of town.

Bucky grabbed the phone to contact Sam. "Where are you parked?" he asked upon Sam's greeting.

"Not really any closer than your hotel," Sam said. "Assuming you got rooms there. You'd be fine just staying there."

"Already on the road, and yes, we got rooms," Bucky said. "Where'd you park? We'll meet you."

Sam gave him directions that Bucky memorized on an internal map. Once certain he wouldn't get them lost, he hung up and directed Steve back around, almost all the way to the hotel. Sam wasn't kidding about not leaving there in the first place.

Sam was waiting patiently when they arrived, leaning back against the back of his car. "Man, even in the dinner hour, this place is packed," he said once everyone was out of the car. "You guys really should've come up with this idea before school got out."

"It was a spur of the moment idea," Steve said. "One of Bucky's, so if this goes wrong, you know who to blame."

"Funny, Rogers." Bucky looked around. "This is the closest parking to the Mall?"

"Yeah, except a five car parking lot over by the Washington monument, and I can guarantee it's full." He looked at Steve. "I didn't realize how literal I was being about you could park at your hotel. You got here fast."

"We didn't have to find another hotel," Steve said. "And it's not far away. I'm kinda impressed they had rooms at all. It's the height of tourist season."

"Luck was on your side," Sam said. "Just hope the fact that they had open rooms doesn't mean that it's a shitty hotel that tourists avoid."

Maria surprised Bucky by walking over to him and taking his hand. "The rooms seemed satisfactory to me."

Bucky gave her a small smile, giving her hand a squeeze before entwining his fingers with hers. She didn't do a lot of public displays of affection, and he was never one to turn it down when she did. If anyone noticed, none of them acted like it.

It was mid-June, so the evening air was warm. Being the dinner hour, most of the other tourists were at various restaurants. It didn't entirely leave the Mall empty, but it wasn't crowded like it was during the day. Which was just fine for the six of them; vacations were more pleasant when not spent fighting through crowds with children and cameras.

They paused across the street from the Washington Memorial, Bucky tilting his head back to see the top. "Was there ever a reason why they chose the most phallic shape possible for that? Was he known for that or something?"

"I think the Nebraska state capitol building was worse," Steve said. "It had a dome and everything."

Bucky thought about that for a second. "Yeah, I see that. It was also shiny."

"You serious?" Sam asked, sounding like he wouldn't believe it without photographic evidence. Which he apparently decided to look up, as he grabbed his phone and started searching. Bruce and Sharon gathered around his sides to look over his shoulders. After about thirty seconds, they both busted up laughing, Sam staring in bewilderment at his phone. "Who the hell thought that was a good idea?"

Maria held out her hand for the phone. "Let me see," she said, not moving to let go of Bucky's hand with her other.

Sam handed over the phone. "I take no responsibility for offense taken for that thing."

Maria studied the picture on the phone for a moment. "What is that statue on top?" She scrolled, then paused. Then pursed her lips. "It's apparently a statue of a man sowing seeds from an apron called 'the Sower'."

"What?" Sam took his phone back and stared at it. "Oh my god, Nebraska, what the hell is wrong with you." He looked at Bucky. "And you think Washington's virility was in question with this thing?" He motioned up to the monument, then held up his phone. "He obviously had less to compensate for than whoever designed this monstrosity."

"Granted," Bucky said. "What _is_ the reason they decided on an obelisk?"

Sam's phone came to the rescue again. "According to nps.gov, it's supposed to embody 'the awe, respect, and gratitude the nation felt for its most essential Founding Father.' It also isn't supposed to stand in anything else's shadow, because Washington didn't. Which, you know, I'm willing to bet someone was greater in this country than him. Dude owned slaves. That sounds like a shadow to me."

Steve looked back up at the monument. "I'd say 'nobody's perfect', but that doesn't begin to be appropriate on that subject. Come on, let's leave the slave-owner's white penis to the sunset and see that World War II memorial you mentioned."

They meandered away, not far, into a circular area- actually, more oval than round - surrounded by fifty pillars, two archway constructs on each side, one marked 'Pacific', the other 'Atlantic'. In the center was a pool lined with small fountains, two larger fountains near the archways, all arcing water up into a single pool. Across the way from them was a wall covered in stars. Slowly, they worked their way around one side of the ring, the Atlantic side, reading state names on each of the pillars.

To one side of the wall of stars was an engraved stand. Bruce pulled on his glasses, studying the writing on the stand. "'Freedom Wall holds 4,048 gold stars. Each gold star represents one hundred American service personnel who died or remain missing in the war. The 405,399 American dead and missing from World War II are second only to the loss of more than 620,000 Americans during our Civil War.'" He pulled off his glasses. "That's a lot of good men and women."

"When was this built?" Steve asked, studying the stars on the wall.

"Early nineties, I think" Sam said. "I was a kid when the cranes came out."

Bucky looked at Steve, then back at the stand. "They can fix that number. Two of them are ours. We've been found."

Maria's grip on Bucky's hand tightened.

"That's probably easier to fix than it would be if this was set up like the Vietnam Wall," Bruce said, tone respectful of the solemn atmosphere. "They have names engraved on the Vietnam Wall."

Bucky made a rude noise. "They'd have to get out a chisel and cross our names out." It was a vague attempt at humor on a subject that didn't hold much for him.

Steve exhaled, a quick puff of air with a derisive sort of amusement to it. "Bucky, shut up."

"Yes, Captain."

The north balustrade of the ceremonial entrance wall had bas-relief panels on it; a later check proved the south side had the same. The north wall's panels were images related to the war efforts for the Atlantic theatre of the war.

"Hey, the B-17s" Sam said, pointing at one that had a large bomber in the background with men in flight suits in the foreground. "You two hear of the Memphis Belle? She was the most famous one of them."

"I've heard of her," Steve said. "Second crew to fly twenty-five successful missions on one craft. There was one that beat her, but she was the one that came home to sell bonds. She was running her circuit about the same time that I was. Met Captain Morgan once. Good guy."

"How'd we go from the Memphis Belle to rum?" Sam asked.

Steve looked at him, confusion on his face for a few seconds. "Oh! No, not that Captain Morgan. Robert Morgan, captain of the crew that flew on the Belle."

"I suppose that can't be any worse of a name association than Harry Potter at this point," Bruce said. "Or Potter anything, actually. Too bad, Colonel Potter from M*A*S*H* was a good character."

"Another show I'm trying to catch up on," Bucky said. "Bruce, I think I may have to take a few days off from working just to do that. There's still a lot of pop culture history I have to catch up on."

Bruce smiled. "You'll need a lot more than a few days to get through all of M*A*S*H*. It was a long-running series."

"Then however long," Bucky said. "We're hitting some dead ends anyway."

They walked away from the memorial, choosing a direction to go arbitrarily. Their conversation ebbed and flowed as they went. Sam occasionally had to pull out his phone to look up information as an improvised tour guide.

"So who wants to go get their picture taken sitting on Lincoln's lap?" Sam said, earning a few sideways looks. He completely deserved them.

"I think we'll all pass," Maria said. 

"You guys have no sense of fun," Sam said in a mock pout.

"Fun is not getting cheesy touristy pictures taken of me," Bucky said. "Or any pictures. I swear, if I see that camera pointed at me, you are eating it."

Sam held up the phone, then lowered it and laughed when Bucky reached for it with his left hand. "Okay, okay, it was a joke."

"Here, let me save Sam from his own bad humor," Sharon said, backing up a bit to look at the full building instead of close enough to see nothing but President Lincoln. "I didn't realize this really had all the state names on it. I thought that was just anti-counterfeit precautions."

"Really?" Sam asked. "Yeah, this thing has them all."

"Until Puerto Rico finally decides to become a state," Steve said.

"With as many times that that issue has come on the ballot and shot down, I doubt that'll be any day soon," Sam said. "Come on, there's more to see than this." He looked at Bucky. "You up for the Korean War memorial? It's on the way around."

Bucky shrugged. "It doesn't bother me. My brother survived the war, he's not going to be a name on it."

"Truth," Sam said, moving to lead them around.

"You'd make a good tour guide," Bruce said. "You've certainly stepped up now."

Sam held up his phone. "This is the one doing the work. And I've visited this place, everyone else here hasn't or never paid attention to it."

The Korean Memorial was far smaller and very different from the WWII memorial. There was a reflective wall that a statue of nineteen soldiers were place to reflect off of, giving the illusion of more soldiers. Steve and Sam stopped at the pool that Bucky had only spared a glance to, more interested in the wall that had sandblasted pictures on it.

"Lotta names in this pool," Steve said behind them. Bucky looked back at them briefly.

"The Vietnam Wall's worse," Sam said. "Korea was a short war. Vietnam lasted way too long."

Bucky turned back to the wall, noting out of the corner of his eye that Bruce was looking at the other wall, and Sharon was preoccupied the statues.

The images on the wall were old photographs, men and women who served. Doctors with surgical masks, officers in uniform with their stripes shown proudly, enlisted men in combat fatigues. One picture drew Bucky's attention and he stopped breathing for a few heartbeats. "That's my brother."

The others joined him and Maria, forcing the two of them to take a slight step to the side to avoid being too crowded.

"That one?" Bruce asked, pointing to Peter's picture.

"Yeah, that's Peter." Bucky stared at the picture, the crisp Navy uniform, the stripes and the hat and the proud Barnes face. A half smile tugged at his lips. "Sonuvabitch outranked me."

Sharon turned her head from leaning around Sam's shoulder to look at Bucky. "What rank was he?"

"Lieutenant," Bucky said. "In the Navy, that's an Army Captain."

"He's aged well since then," Bruce said, straightening from studying the picture. "Did either of your other siblings serve?"

Bucky didn't answer at first, breaking his rule about no pictures and taking one of Peter's face on the wall, then shook his head. "No. My nephew, Paul's youngest, served in Vietnam, though. Got caught in a trou de loup set up by the VietCong, died from the injuries pretty much on the spot. His name's on the Vietnam Wall, willing to bet. Hope nobody minds if I don't want to go looking for it."

Steve put a hand on Bucky's metal shoulder, on Bucky's opposite side from Maria. "I don't think anyone's going to mind, Bucky. There's already a lot here for us to absorb."

"What was his name?" Sam asked, starting to not-so-subtly lead them away from the memorial.

"Greg," Bucky said. "Got drafted in '65, sent over to just south of the DMZ line."

"Your brother must've told you all this," Bruce said, following the group back around the Mall towards where they started.

The sun was almost set, red sky making the shadows take on eerie proportions, stretched long across the ground. Bucky had a feeling that Sam was purposely leading them away from the Mall and back in the direction of their cars to put an end to the day before more unpleasant feelings got drudged up.

"Yeah, he's caught me up on a lot of things that I missed," Bucky said. "He made a few noises in the past about trying to convince me to meet some of these people, but he stopped. And I don't really want to, anyway. I'm not really part of them. Blood doesn't always mean anything when it comes to family." He glanced at Steve, who gave him a simple smile in return.

"No, it doesn't," Sam agreed. He looked at his watch. "It's about nine, I think we've had enough trips down memory lane for everyone for the night. The Smithsonian doesn't open until ten, that gives us plenty of time to meet up tomorrow, maybe around eight, grab some breakfast before the doors open. Whaddya say, time to call it a night?"

There was a general noise of consensus from the others.

"Where do you wanna meet for breakfast?" Steve asked.

Sam thought for a second. "I know you guys probably wouldn't mind seeing Mama again, but in the name of not making the girlfriends jealous, we should probably choose somewhere else for breakfast. There's a diner just south of my place- you know the area, Steve -that serves all day. It's a local place, there's a couple other locations in town. Called 'American Way Diner.'"

"I've heard of them," Steve said. "Text us the address when you get home, we'll meet you there at eight."

Plans decided, they walked the long mile to their cars, then parted ways upon reaching the parking lot, Sam heading home and the others to their hotel. At the hotel it was up the elevator, down the hall, all in relative silence. It'd been a tiring evening emotionally, they were all dragging a bit and wanting to have a little time to destress before sleeping.

Bruce went into the mens' room first, leaving Steve and Bucky to give their respective girlfriends a goodnight kiss before joining him.

There was one bed, queen sized, which meant Steve and Bucky wouldn't be practically snuggling like they had been in Nebraska, and the requested cot bed that looked too comfortable for the word 'cot' for Bruce was already set up and ready on the other side of the night stand from the main bed. There was a TV on a rather elaborate dresser, a desk with a single chair and the room phone, and a small love seat on the other side of the bed from the cot.

After everyone had changed, Steve and Bruce settled on the couch to watch the TV and wind down, while Bucky grabbed his tablet, plugged in the wireless password, and started doing his normal nightly rounds of the trending news. He sat himself on the corner of the bed closest to Steve and Bruce, legs crossed underneath him.

Most of the news was celebrity garbage, as usual, and he only took note of it for the sake of knowing the inevitable jokes the internet would make about all of it.

While the real news pages loaded, he sent the picture he took of the memorial to his brother. _Did you know you're on the Korean Memorial?_

Setting down the phone, he looked back at the loaded pages with actual interesting news, like the confirmation of another Ebola case in New York, which Bucky promptly warned Bruce he was not allowed to get involved with.

"Don't worry, I'm not a virologist," Bruce said. "And I don't want to risk exposing you guys to it."

"Good," Bucky said. "You have your measles shot, too, right?"

"I do," Bruce said. "As well as other vaccinations to survive being a doctor. Why? Is the measles plague still running rampant?"

"Twenty more cases in New York City," Bucky said. "In the name of not ranting all night, I'll keep my thoughts on the anti-vaccine movement to myself."

"You'd be preaching to the choir," Steve said.

The phone buzzed; Peter had replied. _I never told you? They asked my permission to put me up there._

Bucky frowned at the phone. _No, you never told me. Brat._

_You're in DC?_

_Just for one night. We're going back to NYC tomorrow after we're done at the Smithsonian. I'll visit you again, relax._

Bucky set the phone aside when there was no immediate response, going back to poking around social media sites and odd news sites, until something passed by his scrolling so fast that he had no idea what it was, but knew it'd been odd enough for a second look. He scrolled back up and immediately shrank back, dropping his tablet on his lap. "What the fuck!"

Steve gave him a stern look. "You tell me what you found and you're sleeping on the floor."

"I won't tell you," Bucky said, picking his tablet back up. He turned it to show it to Steve and Bruce. "I'll show you."

Steve physically recoiled at the picture, an uncensored picture of a man's penis with a two inch diameter rubber snake sticking out of the urethra. "Oh god, why would an- please tell me I'm not seeing that."

Bruce pulled on his glasses and stared at the picture. "That's wider than a normal catheter. I hoped he used more lube than otherwise needed."

Steve stared at Bruce in horror. " _That's_ what you notice?"

Bruce looked at him over the tops of his glasses, a mild look of amusement on his face. "I'm a doctor. The things I have seen."

Bucky turned his tablet back around, staring at the picture in horror. "The caption says the rubber snake is fifteen inches in, and somewhere in the guy's bladder." He gave Bruce a dismayed look. "Is that even possible?"

"Oh, that's a rubber snake?" Bruce said as if the idea that it'd been a real one wasn't any weirder than a rubber one. "That's good. Still not terribly hygienic, and he's likely to have his urethra shredded when he pulls it out, with the texture of that thing. But to answer your question, yes, it is. The average male catheter is sixteen inches, so yes, a rubber snake in fifteen inches would probably be in the bladder, or very close."

Steve shuddered. "Bucky, where the hell did you find that?"

"On a social media site that had an article about a domestic violence campaign going on right now," Bucky said. "I don't even begin to know why this showed up there." He closed the browser and turned off his tablet. "I'm done with the internet for the night. Too much awful right now. I'm not even willing to send that to Peter right now."

Buzz. Speaking of the devil.

_You might want to sleep now, if you're going to try to survive the Smithsonian. The renovated Captain America exhibit is going to be a nightmare for you._

Bucky frowned at the phone. "Okay, Peter just warned me to get sleep. I'm going to be contrary and we're watching the Weather Channel until my brain manages to put that snake on the table and kill it."

" _Good_ ," Steve said. "I don't need more nightmare fuel."

"How do you think _I_ feel?" Bucky demanded. "I was innocently looking at social justice causes and suddenly get assaulted with that. And no, I was not goddamn suffering that alone."

"Jackass," Steve snarled.

"You're a bad person," Bruce agreed, although he didn't look like he was agreeing as much as just playing along because he thought their pain was funny.

Bucky shook his head and got up, grabbing the TV remote from Steve. "Don't blame me. Now shut up, we're going to just watch the damn Weather Channel."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, that snake picture exists. I was not suffering alone.


	3. And Everyone You Meet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a large glass wall between the two uniforms, similar to what had once been Bucky's only memorial in the former exhibit. It was larger by far, though, a column of text between two etched pictures of Steve and Bucky, one on either side. The group walked over to it.
> 
> _Rogers and Barnes were separated during the war, each thought by the public to have died. While Rogers was frozen under the Arctic ice, Barnes was found by Hydra. Chemically enhanced and mechanically tortured, he emerged into the world as the brainwashed Hydra operative known as the Winter Soldier. Spending time in and out of cryostasis, Barnes carried out assassination missions for Hydra, unaware of his identity or past._
> 
> _After Rogers had been found and the fight for New York was over, the two met up again. It is unknown what transpired between that moment and when Barnes was first seen in his company. The two quickly formed a mercenary team, Barnes known as nothing more than his former Hydra code name. The news of his identity became public knowledge a year and a half after he resurfaced. The two continue to work freelance._
> 
> Bucky shrugged after reading it. "Close enough."

_all that is now_   
_all that is gone_   
_all that's to come_   
_and everything under the sun is in tune_   
_**but the sun is eclipsed by the moon** _   
-Pink Floyd

Bucky decided that Sam had broken taste buds, if he'd suggested that diner they went to for breakfast as a good place to eat. He pushed the memory of the botched food out of his mind and focused on their real destination for the day.

The Smithsonian.

The museum had just opened, and it was already crowded, mostly with whining small children who were too young to appreciate where they were, and harried parents determined that their children would get culture, or maybe just have to tough it out because they wanted the trip and the kids were just shit out of luck.

The otherwise reluctant attitude from the children about the museum turned generally positive as their families neared the Captain America exhibit. Bucky and his friends were forced out of the way as a large family, consisting of what looked like three generations of thousands of people, shoved their way through. It gave Bucky time to look at the advertising banners.

"Wait, it's not the Captain America exhibit anymore?" he said, looking from a banner that had, at one time had Steve's face in uniform on it, to Sam.

Sam shook his head. "Nope. You became such an important part of the Captain America legend by coming back that it'd be impossible to have an exhibit just for him with you as a side note like you were before. This place is as much yours as it is his."

Bucky looked back up at the banner that had the words _Captain America and the Winter Soldier_ with the increasingly familiar round emblem that portrayed half Steve's shield, half part of Bucky's mechanical arm. "So how many people think they're clever for that little picture? I've seen it before on merchandise."

Sam chuckled. "I don't think they consider it clever as much as the obvious thing to go with."

Bruce stepped back out of the way of a double stroller roughly the size of a small SUV, pressed back against the wall. "It's quite crowded, isn't it?"

"Only going to get worse," Steve said. "Come on, we're going to have to muscle our way through, or else we'll be stuck at this wall forever." He stepped behind Sharon, helping her push through the crowd without getting separated. Sam and Bruce pretty much attached themselves to the outside of the group, creating a small wall against other tourists, keeping from getting scattered into the crowd.

Like the evening before, Maria grabbed Bucky's hand, although he suspected that it might've been more a case of trying to keep together than any sign of affection.

The hallway from the outer parts of the museum into the exhibit itself was painted on one side, as it had been before, with a picture of Steve in uniform, saluting the flag, and a quote from President Ellis, reading "Welcome back, Cap."

Unlike before, the other side held one of Bucky in his gear and face mask, and another quote from President Ellis, which made Bucky wonder how creative the man really was. "Welcome home, Soldier."

Lovely play on the name, always appreciate that.

The early part of the exhibit looked much the same, the mural and costumes of Steve and the Howling Commandos. "They replaced your costume, Steve," Sharon said, pointing to the large mannequin wearing a decent replica of Steve's uniform with the original Captain America shield in front of it.

"So they did," Steve said. "Good, means I don't have to give mine back."

There were some memorabilia in a display under video footage of one of Steve's USO performances, including the original helmet with an A on it that he'd worn when he rescued the 107th, the broken transponder that would've called Howard and Peggy in for extraction, the gloves from Steve's USO costume.

"I still laugh at that," Bucky said, watching the video of The Star Spangled Man With A Plan performance. "Gotta say though, I'm impressed with those girls, being able to balance on a motorcycle being held up by one person." He looked up at Steve. "I'd be impressed by you holding that, but I've stopped being impressed by the Project Rebirth effects a long time ago."

Steve gave him an amused look. "Thank you. It means you freak out less at me."

"You miss it," Bucky said, wandering away with the others to the next display. Things from the war, their guns, Steve's original motorcycle. Pieces of Bucky's life that were now just pieces of history.

The display that once was Bucky's, the simple glass etching, was gone, leaving a more open space for moving through. Bucky was glad for the loss and the extra space, but he knew that meant things were just going to get more detailed later down the line. He paused a second where the glass had been before moving on.

They passed through a small section about the Avengers fight in New York City against the Chitauri aliens, focused mostly on Steve's part. His uniform from that fight was cleaned up and on display. 

"I'm surprised they salvaged that thing," Steve said, studying the uniform. "That got pretty beat up and bloodied."

Sharon groaned, a hand over her stomach. "And this is what I deal with all the time, you running off and getting beat up and bloodied."

Steve patted Sharon's shoulder. "You didn't even know me then. And you had to know that Fury had given you the toughest protection detail possible."

"I did, but then I got turned over to the CIA and you went mercenary on us," Sharon said. "You were harder to track when we didn't work for the same institution where I can get status updates on you during missions."

Maria looked at Sharon. "You got turned over to the CIA? You weren't given a choice?"

Sharon made a reluctant expression. "No, I joined willingly, because I wanted to help hunt down Hydra. They gave me the protection detail on Steve, which was fine until Bucky came back and they started running off to parts unknown on a regular basis."

Bucky propped his left arm up on one of Sharon's shoulders. "You did all right handling it last month when we were out," he said, careful to not say "in North Korea" in public. It'd made the news, sorta. The North Korean government was blaming them and America for hiring them, but since neither were in uniform and were fairly well disguised, all the North Koreans could do was whine and cry at America and threaten them a lot. America had raised its proverbial much bigger stick in their direction and that had left them with nothing to do but cry.

But, uniform or no, they still were blamed (the fact that they were actually guilty was irrelevant), because why not? They were public faces, easy scapegoats; they were so good at their jobs that it was hard for them not to draw blame and attenti-

Oh.

"Steve?"

"Yeah?"

"I noticed a flaw in our plan here."

Steve looked at him. "I hate it when you say that. What now?"

Bucky motioned to the next part of the exhibit they were coming up on, the walls lined with small cloth flags bearing their faces, Bucky on the left side, Steve on the right. "We did nothing to make it harder to recognize us, and we're walking into a living photo album full of people who will want pictures and autographs."

Sam exploded into laughter, the jackass, and Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose, ducking his head, which barely hid the fact that he was laughing just as much as Sam, just quieter. Bucky had a feeling Bruce wouldn't be so amused if things went south.

Sharon looked up at Steve. "Oops."

"Celebrities are allowed to enjoy a day in public without signing autographs or taking photos," Maria pointed out. "Turn them down politely, if it makes you uncomfortable."

"We'll just... try to minimize drawing attention to ourselves," Steve said. "No names."

The final part of the exhibit, the part that focused more on Bucky and his later partnership with Steve, had few artifacts lining walls, just plates and displays with words, lettering out history. James 'Bucky' Barnes was the eldest of four. Met Steve Rogers in grade school. They were friends for life, on the school yard and later on the battlefield. In '43, Bucky's unit was captured. Bucky had been chemically experimented on. It helped him survive an otherwise-deadly fall in '45.

While there were few displays with artifacts, there were still some, and the one nearest to that plaque was a replica of his arm, with speculation on the part of experts in the field of prosthetics as to how it worked, how it connected, what it was made of. The plaque made it obvious that nobody knew about biomechtium.

"They got that all wrong," he said, voice low. "Just as glad for it."

Maria hooked her arm around his flesh arm, resting against him. "If you need to leave, say so. I'll leave with you, let the others catch up."

He smiled, just a bit, and kissed the side of her head. "You're a good woman, you know that? I dunno how I got so lucky."

She lifted her head to look at him. "You had good luck coming," she said. "And you taught me to cook. That earned you points."

"James?"

Bucky stiffened, looking back around. A woman with a child around twelve was saying his name, hands on her hips. "James Avery, come on! You're going to get lost if you don't stick close."

Bucky breathed a sigh of relief that ended when James ignored her, walking over to him. Goddamnit. "Kid, what do you I have to pay you to not draw attention to me?" he asked, voice low.

"A million bucks," James said. Then he shrugged, reaching into his pocket and pulling out an iPhone. Bucky didn't understand why people went with those. Samsung made better. "Lemme take a picture. My friends won't believe me otherwise."

"James Avery!" The woman had moved on without him, which meant she hadn't seen Bucky.

"Coming, Mom! Hang on a second!"

Bucky was immensely grateful that the kid snapped his picture quickly before his mother noticed who it was that her son had been talking to. He looked at Maria. "If the rest of the morning is like this, I am so sorry."

She smiled, loosening her grip on his arm to take his hand. "I'll deal with it. I'm dating a celebrity, it comes with the territory."

"So that was a close call," Bruce said from behind Bucky and Bucky half turned to face him. "I think there might've been more fuss if we'd all been in a group. Putting both you and Steve together might've been too much for that kid's brain to process."

Bucky rubbed his metal hand over his face, his flesh hand occupied with Maria's. "We're either going to get very lucky not be noticed, or this is about to turn into a nightmare." He shoved his hand into his pocket, suddenly aware of how exposed it was, even despite the leather-palmed glove he wore for traction.

They moved on, displays of fake replicas of the weapons Bucky was known for using, of Steve's shield, and two large displays with their uniforms. The display with Bucky's tactical gear had a plaque with more expert speculation of what it was made from. They got the kevlar right, but missed the nomex.

There was a large glass wall between the two uniforms, similar to what had once been Bucky's only memorial in the former exhibit. It was larger by far, though, a column of text between two etched pictures of Steve and Bucky, one on either side. The group walked over to it.

> _Rogers and Barnes were separated during the war, each thought by the public to have died. While Rogers was frozen under the Arctic ice, Barnes was found by Hydra. Chemically enhanced and mechanically tortured, he emerged into the world as the brainwashed Hydra operative known as the Winter Soldier. Spending time in and out of cryostasis, Barnes carried out assassination missions for Hydra, unaware of his identity or past._
> 
> _After Rogers had been found and the fight for New York was over, the two met up again. It is unknown what transpired between that moment and when Barnes was first seen in his company. The two quickly formed a mercenary team, Barnes known as nothing more than his former Hydra code name. The news of his identity became public knowledge a year and a half after he resurfaced. The two continue to work freelance._

Bucky shrugged after reading it. "Close enough."

"It's not like they had a lot of details to go on," Steve pointed out. He motioned to one of a few TV monitors along walls. "Come on, let's go see what those are."

"They look like news broadcasts," Sam said, crowding against Sharon, narrowly avoiding getting shoved away from the group.

"They are," Steve said upon a closer inspection. "That one's from Afghanistan." He looked over at another one. "There's a statement from North Korea's leader."

"They still can't prove it was us."

"And yet nobody believes it wasn't you," Maria said. "Including your own brother."

"Peter can smell bullshit a mile away. He's former brass."

A sweep around the room showed a broadcast about their job in Venezuela, where the government officials of the country refused to comment. An extremist attack and hostage situation in Munich that they'd been called in on.

"These are our jobs," Bucky said, counting the five TVs spread around the room. "I really can't believe I stayed hidden for so long. I was constantly in the news."

"Dumb luck?" Sam said.

Bucky almost answered, until he started hearing what he was certain was his working name. Instinctively reacting to it, he turned his head, then quickly let go of Maria's hand to turn completely around and press himself against the glass behind him. "Steve, we've been noticed."

There was a decent number of people gathering as the first people to notice them caught the attention of those behind them, until the crowd had been pressed almost like sardines against the group. Calls for autographs and pictures- that were getting taken anyway, if the number of phones up and flashes from regular cameras were any indication -drowned out the news reports overhead, and threatened to drown out Steve's voice, or the voices of any of the others.

"Steve, how do we get out of this?"

Steve tried to calm the crowd, protesting that they were on vacation, they weren't available for pictures or autographs. That got some unhappy noises from the crowd and there was more breathing room as some filtered back into the sea of people. Bucky heard some of them loudly bitching that Steve and Bucky were disappointments, but that wasn't stopping the rest of the people in front of them.

"Call it, Steve," Sam said. "We're trapped like rats here."

Steve took about three seconds to think. "Sharon, I want you to get Bruce out of here. Hug the right walls, avoid the crowd as much as possible. We don't need the big guy interfering. Sam, you're with me. We'll charge through the middle, take the most attention. Maria, take Bucky along the left, keep his arm from accidentally causing black eyes that might come back to haunt him. We'll meet at the entrance of the exhibit. If someone's missing after five minutes, we go back in for whoever's been left behind."

Leave it to Steve to turn a case of celebrities trying to let down fans and get away into a mission that required strategy calls.

Bucky didn't mind, having plans made his brain feel better when in what might be a potentially hostile situation. Some fans didn't like getting turned down and they were started to crowd closer again. Bucky felt a bit bad doing they physical equivalent of saying 'fuck you, you get nothing', but there were just too many, and the crowded conditions was starting to cause an episode. It wasn't safe there, too many people, not enough breathing room, and these were people he wasn't allowed to kill and beat his way through.

The six of them scattered, following their orders. Maria had Bucky squished up against the left wall, and the sound of his metal shoulder hitting the wall and occasionally scraping along it made his teeth feel like he was biting down on aluminum foil.

The sea of people was stifling, and all he could think was that any one of them could be Hydra agents, or members of some group that he and Steve had pissed off in their career as mercenaries. Every eastern Asian could be from North Korea, every Middle Eastern could be a member of the terrorist group that took the British royal family hostage. Every Latino could be someone from Venezuela. Any one of the masses of white people present could be from Munich.

And then there were the females of all races that seemed intent on pawing at him. Maria was able to keep most of them away, but at least one person got in behind them and either tried to grab hold of his shirt to stop him, or they felt the need to publicly grab a stranger's ass. He really hoped whoever did that wasn't a minor. The younger fans were being more aggressive about trying to get autographs and pictures.

Finally, after agonizing minutes where Bucky felt trapped and more and more desperate to get out from the crushing sea of people, he saw the exit. He couldn't breathe, his heart rate had accelerated, and sweat was starting to run down the back of his neck.

The others were weaving their way through; Bruce and Sharon had already made it out. Bucky kept side-stepping towards the exit of the building once Maria had gotten him safely out to where Sharon and Bruce were waiting. The back end of the crowd had been easier to navigate, most of them unsure what the fuss was about, too far away to have seen the group, and none of them dawdled long enough to be spotted.

"That was entertaining," Bruce said once Steve and Sam had caught up. "Shall we find somewhere else to be?"

"Could not agree with that idea more," Sharon said. "That was a security nightmare."

Any decisions about _where_ to go from there were put on back burner until that decision could be made outside of the museum. Bucky breathed easier outside, not as crowded, not as potentially dangerous. There were positions all over for snipers or other attackers, but there was space to maneuver and get away from potential civilian casualties.

And he wasn't getting squished and manhandled by a bunch of strangers. That was a definite plus about the outside world.

"Okay, new plan," Sam said. "There're a million things to do in DC, it's not like we couldn't find-"

"Oh my god, it's Captain America and the Winter Soldier!" a young woman's voice said from somewhere behind Bucky, outside the entrance of the museum.

Bucky's shoulders slumped, turned to see two women, approximately early twenties, with a small boy between them. The stronger-looking of the two picked up the boy, possibly four years of age, and they hurried over. The boy was clapping and making a lot of happy-sounding noises.

Despite how well it hadn't worked inside, Steve stepped over between the women the others to talk down the two women with sharp eyes. "Fans, I take it?"

Really, Steve, it didn't work before, try another retreat and just get out of there.

"Were we obvious?" the woman without the child said, her hair cropped short with an obvious bleach job. "We were just taking our son in to see the Captain America and Winter Soldier exhibit. He's a big fan, cheers whenever the news talks about you two."

"We were just here to see it, too," Steve said, already moving to cut off any potential conversation. "We're on vacation-"

"I'm sorry," the woman with the child said. "I know, this is so rude of us. But, I mean, I don't like pulling this card, but our son is autistic. Completely non-verbal. But he always gets so excited when he sees you in the news, or plays with his action figures. The ones of you two are the only ones he'll touch. I really do hate pulling this card, but this might be the only chance he ever gets to see his favorite people in person. Could we get a picture? Just one? We won't tell anyone we saw you out here, if anyone asks, we'll try to cover for you so you can get away."

"With all due respect, ma'am," Maria said. "If your child is autistic, he's not very likely to be able to handle the crowd that's in there. It might be too much stimulation."

The woman with the bad bleach job sighed. "We know. But he insisted when he saw the news report about the open exhibit. We're prepared to take him out as soon as possible if it comes to it. Unfortunately, you can't trap your child in a bubble, not even an autistic child. If we could, we'd bubble wrap the world for him. Any parent would. But we're from Kentucky, we're here to see relatives over in Arlington that are going to be moving next month. This is going to be one of his few chances of seeing this."

"It's fine, Maria," Bucky said. He looked up at Steve. "I'm not that heartless."

Steve shook his head. "You know I'm not. All right."

The mother with the child leaned down, letting the boy stand on his own.

Bucky crouched down to his level, deciding that cooperating would make things go faster so they could get back to their cars and get the hell away from the museum. "Hey, kid," he said, holding out his metal hand. "You know what that is?"

The boy didn't answer, but he reached out and started playing with the exposed metal of Bucky's fingers. When Steve joined them down at the boy's level, the child inched around Bucky, still playing with the metal, but putting Bucky between him and Steve.

Steve looked up at the boy's mothers. "He's shy?"

"Autistic children aren't always the greatest at pinning down faces," Mother Bleach Hair said. "He's probably not realizing that you without the costume is still you. He's recognizing Mister Barnes's arm, though."

Taking that as an idea, Bucky pushed up his sleeve. "Recognize this, kiddo?"

The boy lit up, running his hands up and down the exposed metal and laughing with a normal four year old kid's lack of sense of volume control. He didn't look up at Bucky, nor at Steve, completely entranced by Bucky's arm, almost to uncomfortable levels. Bucky wasn't familiar with autism in children, but his mothers weren't acting like it was unusual, although the one that'd been carrying him, told him to settle down a bit.

"Is that the Winter Soldier, Ben?" Non-Descript Mother asked while Bleached-Hair Mother backed up a bit with a camera. The boy laughed, patting Bucky's forearm in excitement.

Despite the moderate discomfort Bucky was feeling from the prolonged contact, he smiled. He looked up at Non-Descript Mother. "Does he get this excited with his toys?"

Non-Descript Mother laughed. "He loves those toys. I don't even know what sorts of games go through his head when he plays, but he's endlessly fascinated by how the metal arm feels different from the plastic of the rest of the doll. He's very tactile. If he's making you uncomfortable, I can make him stop." She looked back at her partner. "Got the picture?"

Bleached-Hair Mother grinned, holding up their phone. "Got it!" she walked over, showing her partner the picture, who nodded in satisfaction. "We're hoping that with therapy, he'll become a least somewhat verbal. And I'm hoping that if he does, he'll be thanking us for that picture." She looked at her son. "Come on, champ, it's time to go in. You ready?"

The boy didn't seem inclined to let go of Bucky's arm. Non-Descript Mother sighed. "Come on, Ben. It's time to leave him alone now, okay?" She picked him up, taking him away from Bucky's arm. The boy started crying, kicking his legs and flapping his hands in a distinctly unhappy way. His mother tried to calm him, but like with any four year old that was being told 'no', he wasn't having any of it.

Bucky stood. "Good luck with him in there," he said. "There's a lot of people."

Non-Descript Mother adjusted her grip on her son, taking his kicks to her hip. "I know. We'll probably take him into the bathroom first, give him a quieter environment to calm down in. Thank you, both of you, so much."

Bucky almost warned them that the bathrooms probably weren't much quieter than the rest of the museum, but he figured they knew better how to handle their child than he did.

The mothers and their still crying son headed inside, leaving Bucky to rub his arm, testing for sticky spots- kids were always so sticky -before rolling his sleeve down. "Okay, before we get caught by anyone else, let's find a place to go where there _aren't_ a bunch of fans."

There really wasn't anywhere to go that fit that criteria. They headed to the cars to make plans, but by that time, they'd shoved through enough other crowds and dodged a few other people with sharp eyesight, and none of them felt up for further travel.

"I hate to say this," Steve said. "As glad as I am to have come here, I think it's time to go home. Tourist season is in full swing, we're never going to find any place to go that's safe, unless we feel like picking up a deck of cards and crashing at Sam's place."

"I don't have enough room for this crowd," Sam said. "And if we get cards, we're getting Cards Against Humanity."

Bucky made a snorting sound that was trying to be a contained laugh. "You don't want to play Steve at that game. He's made Tony cringe with how bad his combinations are."

Sam stared at him like he'd announced that.. well, that Captain America had a terrible sense of humor, like pretty much every other normal adult on the planet. "Seriously?" He looked at Steve. "Man, you've been holding out on me."

Steve looked guilty and amused all at once. "I only do it to win. I'm competitive."

"I hope nobody minds, but I'm going to side with Cap," Bruce said. "Today's been stressful, I think being home now would be good."

When Bruce mentioned being stressed, the others tended to listen, so they said their goodbyes to Sam, piled into their car, and started on the road for NYC.

"So if we ever want to get a better look at how much they screwed up at that exhibit, we're arranging for a private damn tour after hours," Bucky said once they'd left DC.

"Agreed," Sharon said. "I'm not claustrophobic, but that was a bit much. You two didn't get hit or groped too much trying to get out, did you?"

Steve checked his rearview mirror briefly before answering. "I think I escaped the worst of it."

"Lucky asshole," Bucky said. "I'm pretty sure there were some teenage girls that got in behind me and violated my personal space."

"What about the teenage boys?" Sharon asked, and Bucky could hear the laugh in her voice; she didn't have to actually be laughing for him to hear that amusement.

He turned his head to try to give her the evil eye. "Right, because that makes the underage thing so much better."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize people had gotten by me," Maria said. "I should've been more attentive."

Bucky waved her off. "They snuck in behind us. There were a lot of people there, they could've been trapped into a convenient place by the others around us."

Maria didn't look happy with herself but another assurance from Bucky eased that. Finally, her expression changed. "Do you have your tablet up there?"

Not what he was expecting she'd say next; it was out of left field. He shook his head. "No, why?"

She leaned forward over Sharon's lap, looking at the dashboard. "It looks like we'll need to stop for gas around Baltimore," she said. "Can you get it out when we stop? I'd like to look through your saved recipes. It will be shortly before dinner time when we get home."

Bucky checked the clock on the dash. "You're right, it will be. You sure you wanna cook? It's been a long day, we could always get delivery or something."

"You don't like delivery," she said. "And I can cook a meal just fine."

Bucky's eyebrows traveled up his forehead, and he looked at Steve. Steve looked just as confused. Bucky wasn't sure how jealous of a woman Maria could be, it hadn't really come up yet, but something about that made him worry that Maggie had made her feel a bit insecure. 

Better to let her deal with it however she wanted for the moment. And he didn't really mind her cooking, she was getting really good at it. "I didn't say you couldn't cook," he said gently. "I just wasn't sure anyone would be up for it after a long day."

His tone seemed to mollify her. "Thank you, but I'd like to cook."

Bucky shrugged. "All right. Just remind me when we stop."

"Which will be soon," Steve said, glancing down at the fuel gauge.

A couple exits later, Steve pulled off the interstate and up to a gas station. While Steve fueled the car, Bucky dug into his bag in the trunk and pulled out his tablet. He opened Maria's door and crouched by it, one knee on the ground, and handed the tablet over. "Here."

Maria took the tablet, and Sharon tilted to watch over her shoulder as she went through the several recipes that Bucky had saved in case he needed something when there wasn't internet. After a minute, she turned the tablet to him. "What about this?"

He took the tablet, studying the recipe. "Chicken Makhani?" He eyed the ingredients. "I think we have all that. We have chicken breasts instead of thighs, but that's just a white meat/dark meat difference. With all the spices, it shouldn't matter." He handed the tablet back. "Run it by the others."

While Sharon and Bruce looked at the offered tablet, Maria glanced out the front window towards Steve. "What about him?"

"He'll eat whatever we give him, as long as it's not Italian," Bucky said. He looked past Maria at Sharon and Bruce. "What do you guys think?"

"I've had Chicken Makhani before," Bruce said. "It's a good dish."

"Can we cut out the cayenne?" Sharon asked. "The rest is fine, but I think that might be a bit much for me." She handed the tablet over Maria to Bucky.

He took the tablet, looking over the recipe again. "That shouldn't make much of a difference, it should be fine." He looked at Maria and patted her leg. "You have good taste."

She smiled and put her hand over his. "I learned from you, and you spoiled me. I can't eat Amy's anymore."

"Oh, woe and despair," Bucky said, rolling his eyes skyward in an exaggerated manner. He was tempted to put the back of his hand to his forehead, but refrained. He was being dramatic enough. "My girlfriend is forced to eat proper food now. The world is ending."

"Okay, lovebirds," Steve said, getting back into the car. "Time to go."

Bucky kissed Maria's cheek before standing and grabbing her door. "Captain's orders," he said, closing her door for her before getting into the front seat. "We're having Indian for dinner tonight," he told Steve. "Wipe out the taste of that awful place Sam took us to."

Steve chuckled. "Sam doesn't have a gourmet palate like you do."

The rest of the drive went as quickly as interstate driving ever did during tourism season. Too long, in Bucky's opinion, but traffic obviously wasn't interested in his opinion. But he was more than happy to be home when they got to the Tower and unloaded their bags.

"Welcome home, ladies and gentlemen," JARVIS said once they were in the elevator.

Bucky leaned back against the back of the elevator as it started up to the resident floor. "Any messages while we were gone?"

"No," JARVIS said. "I am still conducting my search through Mister Stark's system in Washington."

Bruce frowned. "It's taking this long? It hardly took any time to break through SHIELD's information on the helicarrier."

"The information stored on the helicarrier was not the sum whole of SHIELD's information," JARVIS said. "I am searching nearly every government record I can connect to."

Steve looked at Bruce. "You know, I almost wish that helicarrier _had_ been carrying everything. We could've taken out Hydra a long time ago."

"And Bucky might've been left in cryostasis and moved elsewhere," Maria said. "It may not have been the most pleasant of circumstances, but he is here now because of how things went."

Steve looked at Bucky, standing on his left, then rested his arm on Bucky's shoulder to rub in how Steve was the taller of the two now. "Yeah, okay, you make a point."

Bucky rolled his shoulder out from under Steve's arm. "You're a jackass," he said.

The party split up on the residential floor to unpack before reconvening at Steve and Bucky's. Maria was first there, and beelined right for the kitchen.

"Want any help?" Bucky asked, knowing he'd probably get told 'no'. It hadn't taken her long to pick up the trick of cooking enough to discourage help in the kitchen.

"No," she said. "I know where things are."

Bruce and Sharon joined them, Bruce taking a seat on one of the couches. "It was a nice idea, Bucky," he said. "And I'm glad we went. But I am very grateful to be home."

Steve flopped down on the end of the other couch. "You're preaching to the choir," he said. "I was okay until we got mobbed at the Smithsonian." He put his arm around Sharon when she sat down next to him.

"Next time, bring hats," Sharon said, tone stern.

Bucky scoffed. "Next time? Next time, I'm not going. Not unless we can get that private tour I mentioned."

Conversation had bounced around subjects as the food began to cook, smelling incredibly good and it was making Bucky's stomach protest not eating it, when JARVIS interrupted. "Excuse me, Mister Barnes, Captain Rogers, but I have news regarding the Winter Soldier Project files."

Bucky straightened from leaning on the back of the couch behind Steve. "Bad news?"

"Yes and no," JARVIS said. "I have successfully tracked down and permanently destroyed three copies within the government files. However, it seems one had already been transferred out before my systems gained access."

Bucky felt his blood run cold. "Someone else has that? Who? Where'd it go?"

"I cannot specify who, I'm afraid," JARVIS said. "It has gone through three fictitious email accounts before disappearing from internet access. But its final destination was a computer in Jerusalem."

Before any of them could say anything, the work phone rang, an annoying little voice singing "I'm about to whip somebody's ass." Bucky made an aggrieved noise, pulling it out of his pocket. "I'm going whip somebody's ass, all right," he grumbled. "Name Tony Stark's." He eyed the caller ID. "Hey, JARVIS, what country has nine seven two as its calling code?"

"That would be Israel, sir."


	4. And The Promise Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Regardless of where they're hiding, in the Israeli government or acting alone, it's still Hydra, doing who knows what."
> 
> The answer to that snapped into clarity in Bucky's mind abruptly and demanded all of his attention. "Experimenting," he said.
> 
> "What makes you say that?"
> 
> Bucky motioned to the screen where JARVIS had an old-style cursor blinking at the next empty bullet point. Smartass. "He told us already, they have the Winter Soldier Project files. A little over a month later, they're asking the Winter Soldier to come home to roost for awhile and bring their favorite person to hate with him. They're probably going to try to chemically dissect me to figure out what chemicals got left out from '43. That's the only way they're gonna get another success."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm using Israel, and it is _purely_ for political reasons, nothing to do with the majority ethnicity. Let's not go there. More at the end.

_i'm searching for answers_   
_'cause something is not right_   
_i follow the signs_   
_i'm close to the fire_   
_i fear that soon you'll reveal_   
_**your dangerous mind** _   
-Within Temptation

"I'm not touching it," Bucky said, holding the phone out to Steve while it continued to ring. Or rather, sing. Bucky held it at arm's length by the top of it, like it was contaminated and if he touched more than as little as possible, he'd be infected with the bubonic plague or something equally horrible.

Steve took the phone from him, staring at it. He made a disgusted noise, then answered it. "This is Rogers."

An indistinct woman's voice began speaking to him, not clear enough for Bucky to discern who was talking. He couldn't even tell if she had a non-American accent or not. He'd have to guess what was being said from Steve's side of the conversation.

"It's a pleasure to speak to you, ma'am. This is about a job, I assume?" Pause. "Ma'am, we don't take jobs in the Middle East, we don't want tangled up in the rel- excuse me?" Steve took in a deep breath as if whoever was on the phone had said something that upset him. "Go on." More talking from the woman. Steve went preternaturally still. "You're sure about that? You're right, we tend to be interested in those jobs. I need more information than that, though."

Bucky leaned on the couch behind and to Steve's side slightly, one metal finger tapping away on the furniture. The material muffled it, but apparently not enough for Steve, who turned his head to give Bucky a scowl. Bucky took the hint and straightened, crossing his arms so he could continue his nervous habit tapping on his arm instead.

"Tell es-Sultan?" Steve asked, frowning. "I don't think I've heard of it." The frown didn't entirely fade even as realization dawned on Steve's face. "Yes, I've heard of that place. You're sure they're there?" Steve glanced back at Bucky. "I see. No, you're right, it'd be a risk to leave it alone. Keep talking."

The woman, whoever she was, obliged Steve, and Bucky had to bite on the urge to grab the phone and find out what was being said for himself.

"Why'd they do that?" Steve asked. Bucky almost asked him to turn on speaker phone, but with so many people in the room, that probably wasn't a good idea.

More talking from the woman. Steve made a couple noises of acknowledgement. "Of course." He let out an explosive breath, running his free hand through his hair. "All right, send us the information on the area. Any satellite photos, infrared captures, aerial surveillance, if anything was seen in person before the case removed your people. Show me the evidence you have, give us a number with it, and we'll get back to you."

The briefest of pauses. "Send it to a line in Stark Tower. I'll have it intercepted to a secure line." Bucky was able to guess what the woman said next by Steve's answer of "the Avengers have ways. The information will remain confidential." Pause. "Thank you." He hung up.

"Steve, if you do that silent thinking thing instead of telling me what the hell that was all about, I'm smacking you," Bucky said.

Steve looked back at him, frowning in thought. Bucky nearly whacked him upside the head before he glanced up. "JARVIS, how long ago was that copy of the Winter Soldier Project files sent out to Jerusalem?"

"April twenty-first of this year, at approximately four in the morning eastern time."

"So around eleven in the morning in Jerusalem," Maria said.

Steve tapped the side of the phone against his chin. "This is a trap."

"Care to share what this trap is?" Bucky demanded.

"That was a member of the Israeli Knesset," he said, studying the screen of the phone. "They're interested in hiring us." He held up a finger just as Bucky was opening his mouth to protest. "I told her. She didn't want our help in local politics. They suspect Hydra's operating in the West Bank."

Silence took over the room before Bucky broke it with a very vulgar swear that got Steve to give him a dirty look. "You know I hate that," he said, pointing the phone at Bucky in anger. He lowered the phone, looking at it again. "But yes, it's a trap. Jerusalem has a copy of the project files, and now suddenly Hydra's in the West Bank? And Israel's calling us in like bug exterminators?"

"If it's a trap, it's an obvious one," Bruce said. "Israel's been occupying Palestine for decades now. If Hydra were working there and Israel wanted them gone, they would've marched in and done it themselves. They have the strength to do it."

"And they're not exactly nice to Palestine," Sharon added, sinking down in her seat. "They can't possibly be worried about damage to the area if they wanted to go in themselves."

Steve handed the phone back to Bucky. "According to our new contact, the Palestinian Authority has finally taken Israel to the International Criminal Court. I'm sure Israel's ignoring that, or at least some of them, but it makes things touchy for the Prime Minister and the rest of the government if they don't tread lightly."

Bruce made a noise that Bucky knew meant to be braced for a lecture, but that lecture didn't come. It would, though, Bucky knew that, but for now, Bruce was letting it percolate.

Bucky decided to give him the room to do so. "So who's our new contact?" he asked, taking the phone and looking through the call log like that might answer him.

"Her name's Rahel Ashkenazi. Someone care to look her up?"

"On it," Bucky said, setting the phone aside on a shelf on the book case and grabbing his tablet. It took a little fiddling to get it booted up- note to self, ask Tony to look at this thing, it's been twitchy lately -but some searching around gave him the answer he was looking for. "Rahel Ashkeanazi, a member of the Kadima party." He skimmed the text for something more relevant than her childhood. "She's been recently appointed member of the Subcommittee for Intelligence and Secret Services, which has been retasked with hunting down Hydra operatives within the borders of Israel and the Palestinian territories." He raised his eyebrows. "So this might actually be legit. Probably not, they have those files, but she seems on the level, at least."

"If she is, then someone higher than her isn't. JARVIS, do we have the information from Miss Ashkenazi yet?" Steve asked, not moving his head from its resting spot on the back of the couch.

"Yes, sir," JARVIS replied. "Satellite surveillance starting a month ago, several aerial photographs. Electromagnetic observations show a steady low level gamma radiation, specifically mediated beta-decay. It has the same energy signature as the newest model of the arc reactor technology."

"Show us on screen," Steve said, sighing and sitting up enough to look at the TV.

"Before you settle in for that," Maria said from the kitchen, "you might want to come get dinner." Her tone was flat in a way that suggested she was thinking over everything going on, only vaguely distracted from it by announcing that the food was done cooking.

Bucky walked back over to the couch. "Come on, to the table." He tapped the top of Steve's head to make his point. "That means you, Steve. We're not eating at the television, you will go postal if someone accidentally spills something on your nice couches. That'll be waiting until we've eaten."

Steve looked back up at him, clearly about ready to argue, before surrendering. "You're right." He frowned. "How late is it over there right now?"

"One in the morning," Maria answered, setting plates down on the table. "Call her later. She can go get some sleep and you will get back to her tomorrow. If Hydra has been there this long, another day won't matter. We've had a long past two days, we need food."

Sharon grabbed Steve's hand and pulled him up off the couch. "Especially you two super soldiers, if you take this job. You'll need your strength."

"We haven't committed," Steve protested, but followed her to the table.

"You're going to," Bruce said, taking a seat. He paused to lean over the food as if judging it. "It smells good, Maria."

"Thank you," Maria said, sitting down in her usual place, next to where Bucky would sit, the chair on his other side on Steve's right. Sharon took his other side, leaving Bruce stuck in between the two women.

Steve tried to continue ruminations on just how big of a trap this job was, but Bucky shushed him a kick to the ankle under the table. "Shut up and enjoy the food my girlfriend made for you. We can worry about that after we've eaten so it doesn't spoil our appetites."

Steve jerked his leg back, giving Bucky a reactive dirty look, then looked at Maria, apologetic. "Sorry, Maria. It's good food."

Maria shook her head slightly. "Nothing to apologize for. I believe this is hanging over all of us. But thank you." She looked across the table at Sharon. "It's not too spicy for you, is it?"

"It's a bit more than I'm used to," Sharon said, taking slower and smaller bites than anyone else at the table. "But it's good flavor."

Conversation stopped with that, everyone far too distracted to bother with small talk beyond a basic 'thank you' and 'it tastes good' to Maria, who accepted the compliments with the same distracted tone.

Steve wanted to go right back to work the second his plate was clean, but Bucky kicked his ankle again, pointing to the dirty kitchen and dragging him over to help with the dishes. Steve seemed very unhappy about that, but Bucky had started the ankle kicking, which meant that Steve wasn't winning the argument.

None of the others spoke up, merely divvied up chores, wiping the table, sweeping the area around the table. Bucky and Steve (mostly Steve) both tried to stop them from the work, but Bruce pointed out that if they didn't do something while waiting, they might all three start pacing around and being annoying flies.

Bucky decided to let them do what they wanted. Another kick made Steve agree.

"Okay, _now_ can we look over this job?" Steve demanded as Bucky started the dishwasher.

"Yes," Bucky said. "JARVIS, that information, please."

While Steve and the others made a beeline back to the couches, Bucky paused to boot up and sign into Steve's laptop. There was something nagging at the back of his brain that told him he'd need it. Note to self- get this thing looked at too. It's slow. Once he was sure it was signed in, Bucky rejoined the others.

"That looks like an archaeological dig site," Maria said, head tilted forward to peer at the satellite images.

"It is," Steve said. "Ms. Ashkenazi called it Tell-es Sultan. It's the site of the very original Jericho. I dunno how long Hydra's been there, but it looks like they've been there long enough to set up an arc reactor big enough to power their base."

"Or even longer than that," Sharon said. "There's nothing to say that the arc reactor isn't an upgrade from something else."

Before anyone could concede the point, Bruce spoke up. "Pulling on my scientist hat long enough to suggest that we take notes so we don't wander over old ground or miss something new."

"Something we always forget to do," Bucky said, looking upwards in a guilty fashion.

He saw Bruce give him an amused smile out of the corner of his eye. "We get too excited sometimes. But yes, I think we can't afford to get too enthusiastic until we've seen what we have to work with. JARVIS, mind making a bullet point list for us on screen?"

"Of course, Doctor Banner," JARVIS said. The surveillance information minimized to small thumbnails along the top of the screen, the rest a pale shade of blue. A black dot appeared near the thumbnails. "Prepared to accept information."

"Well, for one, we know it's Hydra behind this, but that's obvious enough that I don't think it needs a point of it's own."

"So the next question is, who is Hydra working behind?" Bucky said. "My first thought is Israel, since the files went there."

Sharon looked back over her shoulder. "I have a better reason for why Israel would be where Hydra's hiding. Because that file ending up in a computer in Jerusalem could honestly not mean anything but that someone in Jerusalem has access to the internet."

"That depends on where that computer was," Bruce said. "If it was a computer in a government building, that raises the chances that it's more than just someone with a computer."

"I know," Sharon said. "But where that computer is actually doesn't matter. The Middle East is one of the most unstable areas in the world, even before ISIS and the other groups cropped up. Hydra's spent decades trying to make things so chaotic that people are willing to give up freedom just for security. That was the whole idea behind Project Insight, right?"

"I think I see where you're going with this," Maria said.

Sharon nodded. "Probably. They've lost control of the States, but Israel is under the US's ongoing protection. If Hydra wanted to get control of America's military and intelligence community, all they have to do is take over Israel's government and the US will continue to work for them, right under everyone's noses."

Bucky looked up at the screen. "You get that, JARVIS? Hydra is a bunch of assholes, point one and two."

"Yes, Mister Barnes," JARVIS replied. "Shall I put them on the bullet list?"

"Sometimes I think Tony programmed you with too much sarcasm for anyone's good."

"Mister Stark programmed me to work optimally for his use."

Bucky raised an eyebrow. "In other words, sarcastic. But anyway, put down Sharon's suggestion about using Israel to control America. I don't stomping over old ground unless it has more details to give."

While JARVIS put on the screen a brief summary of Sharon's idea, Bruce glanced over at Bucky. "Which they usually do. This is just the hypothesis stage."

Bucky scrunched his nose in annoyance. "I know But at least we won't have to repeat the basic idea numerous times."

"You have a thing against that," Bruce said. "I've noticed it in the lab."

Bucky shrugged. "Probably Hydra speaking. Unless they were mission-pertinent questions, acknowledge your mission and don't think anything else. Redundant statements are a waste of time."

Maria put a hand on his shoulder, saying nothing, but her contact was comforting, told far more than she'd say with words. He was here, here was now, Hydra was back there. For some reason that Bucky counted himself lucky for, the overly-cautious former Deputy Director of SHIELD had decided to trust him to keep Hydra in his brain in check.

Actually, come to think of it, the other three had closed ranks in to help him do that, Bruce and Sharon probably more taught by Steve than figuring out anything on their own. He wished the other Avengers were around more, but he was happy with his abridged version. He was closer to them than the others.

That aside though. "We're off track. Okay, we've established that it's very likely that Hydra is operating in the Israeli government to stir up shit over there. We're assuming that another Project Insight or similar would be a goal for them with this method. All that does is tell us that at least someone in the Knesset or one of the higher offices are Hydra operatives. Ashkeanazi is our immediate first suspect. She works to eliminate Hydra, but given how they operated in SHIELD, that means precisely dick."

When JARVIS recorded a summary of Bucky's statement, he added 'that means precisely dick." Bucky scowled. "You're a smartass, JARVIS."

"Your language is sometimes similar to Mister Stark's," JARVIS said, which rankled Bucky, but at least the UI managed to sound semi-apologetic for it. "My behavior reflected that. Should I delete it?"

"No," Steve said. "We'll know who said it."

"Kiss off, Rogers."

"Not to interrupt your love play," Maria said, "but we should continue. Steve, you said that Palestine has taken Israel to the International Criminal Court?"

Steve nodded. "Yeah. Ashkeanazi said it made things touchy for Israel to work in the occupied territories. Whether they're Hydra or not, their previous behavior makes me think that there's still a lot of bad being done over there. But it still means that the main political power in the government has to walk carefully."

"The Prime Minister, then," Bruce said. "The Prime Minister has all the power. The president is more of a figure head, and the Knesset is parliamentary body, like what Britain has, with its own unique attributes."

"For those of us who try to avoid that area for the sake of healthy blood pressures, anyone want to tell us who those two people are right now?" Bucky said. "I'd say sorry for not paying attention to that part of the news, but I have a desire to not be depressed all the time."

"The current president of Israel is Hezi Ben-David," JARVIS said. "He was appointed two years ago. His political party is the Likud Party."

Bucky looked at Bruce. "Got an answer to that one?"

"I do," Bruce said. "The Likud Party is semi-conservative by US standards. It's gone through some splits and changes over the years, but basically, they have two primary stances that would be important here. One, they think that the Jordan River should be Israel's natural border, and two, they want to keep a strong military to defend against 'enemies of Israel', which, to be fair to them, is just about everyone in that area."

"I didn't realize Israel was that hated," Steve said.

"They exist right in the center of a hostile situation," Bruce said. "The Arab nations hate Israel and Iran, but they're neutral towards us as long as we keep buying their oil. They don't have nuclear programs, thank god, because if they did, Israel might've already been long gone, with how they're treating Palestinian Arabs."

"What does Iran have to do with this?" Bucky asked. "Aren't they too busy dealing with the embargo against their oil exports?"

"Iran comes into the picture where they hate Israel for nothing more than ideological reasons," Bruce said. "And they have a nuclear program that they're working on. If they have nuclear weapons, Israel is in deep trouble. Israel's been sending in agents to sabotage the program whenever they can, because if they don't, they're that much closer to being destroyed. And quite frankly, with pretty much everyone over there encouraging suicide attacks on the country, they're smart to do what they can to keep any of those groups from becoming bigger powers. The only thing keeping things in check is that sabotage against Iran, and their own strong military. For a note, Iran is backed by Russia."

"The Russians are in this?" Steve asked. "I thought they had trouble with the Ukraine to deal with."

Bruce shrugged ."Everyone has their fingers in a lot of pies. But in complete honesty, Israel may be on the constant brink of death, but they sure as hell have no problem trying to genocide the Palestinian Arabs to 'reclaim' what they think is historically their land."

"The promised holy land?"

"Yeah," Bruce said. "There's some parties in the government, that are trying to get the rest of their colleagues to give the West Bank to Palestine and let them be their own country, and now that Palestine has taken them to the ICC, we might see that. Gaza's still up in the air; the West Bank and Gaza don't even acknowledge each other as being part of the same Authority anymore. But the case in the ICC is better for Israel on two fronts. One, they stop committing genocide, which shouldn't have been happening in the first place They don't need that reputation. Two, they would have far more energy to devote to keeping Iran from throwing something awful at them. Iraq used to be a decent block between Iran and Israel, but then we decimated their government and they can't do anything."

Sharon took her turn interrupting Bruce's explanation of Middle Eastern politics that Bucky felt he should've already had a nodding knowledge of. "How surprising would it be if Iran was funding the insurgents in Iraq? They hated Iraq too, and with Iraq in a mess, that's one less country that's going to bother Iran and potentially stop their nuclear program."

Bruce took in a deep breath. "There's that, too. There's no proof, of course, but I don't think it'd surprise anyone familiar with Iran's political place in that mess out there."

"Which you seem to be," Steve said. "You obviously pay more attention than us."

Bruce gave him a wry look. "While spending time trying to find a good place to settle where the other guy would keep his mouth shut, I did a lot of humanitarian work all the way from here to where I ended up settling. I hit that area on my way there. A lot's changed since then, but I try to keep up on places where I can go help. I haven't gotten involved in that area since then, because I couldn't promise that the other guy wouldn't have an opinion about how the Israeli military is killing children and knocking down Palestinian settlements, among other things."

"Just remember, you have a job here now," Bucky said. "If I get left alone in that lab with Tony, I will have words for you."

Bruce shook his head, a small smile and a huff of air that qualified as a chuckle giving away his subtle sense of humor. "Don't worry, I'll protect you from his enthusiasm. I'm not interested in going out there anyway, it's an unholy mess. Unless it means the other guy gets to turn some Hydra agents into paste."

"You might have your chance," Maria said. "I'm sure that if this is Hydra's work, they would not appreciate any of the other Avengers following Steve and Bucky, but we have ways, we could be there as back up."

"We'll worry about that after we've established if this is a good job to take or not," Steve said. "But okay, but for the moment, let's back up. We have two other suspects that might be Hydra hiding in Israel's government, the president and the Prime Minister. The president's a figure head, he could be Hydra, but he may be nobody to worry about right now. The Prime Minister is who we need to focus on. Who's he this time around?"

"The current Prime Minister is Ester Bar-Lev, the second woman Prime Minister is Israel's history," JARVIS said. "She is affiliated with the Israeli Labor Party, which is a center-left socialist party. She has been in power since 2005."

"Long before anyone knew Hydra was still around," Sharon said. "If she's Hydra, she's been there awhile, and they'd want her position if she's not."

Bruce made a thoughtful noise. "If Hydra wants _real_ chaos in that area, they'd want to make sure she could be counted as innocent and unaware of their activities in the government. The Prime Minister has the power to basically dissolve the entire government. The president has to approve and rubber stamp it, so to speak, but in 'extraordinary enough' circumstances, the Prime Minister can- in theory -completely wipe out the Knesset and force a new election without anyone's permission. That's only in an extreme case, though, and grossly simplified. The Knesset's wiped itself out a lot; there's a system in place to avoid instability while new elections are called, but if the current members are all dismissed, a new vote takes place and Hydra can get more people in."

"Hydra already being in the government seems like it'd be extreme enough for the president to get ignored," Bucky said.

"I agree," Bruce said. "If the Prime Minister is Hydra and uses the public revelation of Hydra in her government, she can potentially get away with overriding the president. Which would allow Hydra to take more seats of power, thus the ability to create more chaos with poor legislation. As long as the state budget is agreed upon by its deadline, they could hold their positions for awhile, if they play their cards right. That'd give them time to do more damage to make Israel seem ripe for the bombing to other countries."

JARVIS's list started scrolling off-screen as the discussion continued. "May I make an observation?"

"Go for it," Steve said.

"If the Prime Minister is Hydra's leader within the Israeli government and dissolves the Knesset upon 'discovering' Hydra activity, that may be the same action she takes if she is not a Hydra operative. It would be very difficult to conclude whether she is guilty or innocent."

Bucky looked down at Steve. "Remember the good old days, when we'd track down Hydra bases, shoot a lot of people, then blow the place to hell?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm missing those days right now."

Steve patted his arm in a 'there there' fashion from an awkward angle. "This is what we get for chasing Hydra underground."

Maria crossed her arms, her hand dropping from Bucky's shoulder. "There is also the thought that the Prime Minister wouldn't have to override the president, if both are Hydra. They would both want to open up more seats of power to possibly be filled by more Hydra operatives. So we have three solid suspects: our contact, the president, and the Prime Minister. And any possible number of Knesset members. It seems to me that if we had to investigate one of the three of them, the Prime Minister is our best choice. She's the one with the most power and the most to lose."

Bucky looked at her. "And how are we supposed to do that? Our job offer is to go to the Hydra base, not stick around Jerusalem and poke at Israeli legislation."

"I don't suggest that, no. But it is not uncommon for operatives to speak about their leadership when working on a project set before them. Passing along orders, organized reports to submit, and even nothing more than complaining."

"We could set up a receiver/recorder to pick up what you two hear through your secured channels," Sharon said. "We could pass it along to Tony when he gets back. He's good at PR and he has a thousand and a half lawyers to keep us out of trouble for doing the same thing to Israel that we did to SHIELD."

"I don't think even Tony's lawyers can get us out of exposing Israel as Hydra," Bruce said. "That would be a huge mess, and even if our country wasn't really divided on the politics in Israel, any agreement between the two sides would be shattered. One side would be all for the US and other countries stepping in and disarming Israel and arresting Hydra members, and the other would accuse us of fabricating lies to cause a war in the Middle East. Without her army, Israel's helpless out there. We already destroyed our own intelligence infrastructure, knocking down the entire Israeli government in the name of getting rid of Hydra may be a bit much to swallow."

Steve nodded in agreement. "We're going into a bad situation, no way around that." He turned his attention to Sharon. "If we want to transmit anything we hear that might indict anyone in the Israeli government to the rest of you, you would have to be close to us," Steve said. "And I think we've established that they're not going to let anyone but the two of us in. That idea might not work."

Sharon looked a bit disheartened at his statement. Bucky didn't blame her; this was probably her first and maybe only chance to follow them on a job and do _her_ job. But there was something else more important that jumped into his brain. He directed a suspicious look at Maria. "You said you have your ways."

"We do," Maria said. "And I will explain once we establish that you two will take this job."

Steve and Bucky exchanged a look. "I think at this point, we're probably going to have to take it," Steve said. "Regardless of where they're hiding, in the Israeli government or acting alone, it's still Hydra, doing who knows what."

The answer to that snapped into clarity in Bucky's mind abruptly and demanded all of his attention. "Experimenting," he said.

"What makes you say that?"

Bucky motioned to the screen where JARVIS had an old-style cursor blinking at the next empty bullet point. Smartass. "He told us already, they have the Winter Soldier Project files. A little over a month later, they're asking the Winter Soldier to come home to roost for awhile and bring their favorite person to hate with him. They're probably going to try to chemically dissect me to figure out what chemicals got left out from '43. That's the only way they're gonna get another success."

He looked back down at Steve. "They might try the same with you, replicate Project Rebirth. Or maybe they'll just use the project files to replicate the brainwashing and get themselves two nice and shiny super soldiers under their command. Either way, we're looking at a helluva fight."

It felt like a personal victory, how easily he was able to say that without the thoughts that pushed out the words causing an episode in the process. He would inevitably later, but for now, he was able to keep a hold on his brain.

Sharon let out a groan that suggested that something just occurred to her. "If they kill you, the world will only know that Captain America and the Winter Soldier were killed by Hydra in the West Bank. Palestine will cease to exist overnight, case in the ICC or not. Israel would inevitably be blamed, whether they're guilty or not, and then we're looking at the Middle East being ground zero for World War Three."

"Going right back to their desire to make another Project Insight," Bruce said, finishing that thought. "So we've come full circle here. The only thing we aren't certain about is where their experiment subjects are coming from."

"Jericho and displaced Palestinian Arabs, I would think," Sharon said. "Nobody would know they're missing except for their families."

That suggestion felt incomplete to Bucky. Without a word, he straightened and headed to his tool case, digging around until he found the glove that was custom made to keep his tools from slipping around on his metal fingers. Helped with computer keyboards, too.

"You got an idea, Buck?" Steve asked, watching him.

"Maybe," Bucky said, heading over to the table where Steve's laptop was booted up and signed in. "It kinda occurred to me earlier, but I got sidetracked." He sat down and opened a browser that rarely got used, and never by Steve.

Steve got up and walked over. "You're looking at the dark web, aren't you?"

Bucky nodded in a distracted manner, clicking around, looking for a specific listing that he knew was out there. "Hydra likes volunteers. Volunteers are more cooperative. People who don't volunteer usually need regular 'encouragement' to stay nice and agreeable. Volunteers get in there, and they don't usually decide they made a bad life decision until it's too late. If enough bitcoin is offered, these volunteers go in, and if they don't come out, nobody knows, and Hydra gets away with murder."

Maria joined Steve in hanging over Bucky, one on each side. He tensed, not really liking the feeling of getting boxed in. But those two were vultures when they wanted to be; they would go away for about three seconds before going back to standing over him.

"You use the dark web?" Maria said. "I didn't know you had accounts for that."

"Hydra's," Bucky said, clicking to another dot-onion site to find a familiar account name. "I ran off with them before they had a chance to recover from SHIELD going down. It's one of quite a few, though, so I doubt they even noticed that they don't have control of it anymore." Scroll scroll scroll.

"New SSNs and names for minors, no questions asked?" Steve said, sounding at once disgusted and confused.

"This is why I hate this place," Bucky said. "Too much to piss me off. But this offer here is the one I'm looking at." He pointed at the screen. "'Volunteers for medical experimentation, will pay five hundred bitcoin.' That's a hundred thousand dollars. That's a hefty chunk of change."

"I thought that bitcoin couldn't be traded in for real money," Steve said, reading over Bucky's shoulder.

"It can't," Bucky said. "But you can use that hire other services in the dark web. For someone, that scrubbed child's legal information might be worth the risk of subjecting themselves to experiments to get the money. Welcome to the seedy underbelly of the internet." He scrolled through the back door of the offering account's records, using his 'borrowed' logins to see accepted volunteers. "It looks like most of their volunteers are from Palestine, but I'm seeing some from Russia, Norway, the US, Brazil; they've got volunteers all over the world. Gives them more variety and lowers suspicion of how many locals suddenly go missing for no good reason."

Steve leaned down closer to the screen, chin practically resting on Bucky's arm. "How do you know that offer came from Hydra?"

Bucky shot him a look out of the corner of his eye, wishing Steve would back away. He knew he wouldn't, though, so he dealt with it. He pointed at the screen. "See that? The offering user name is 'killingred'. That's one of Hydra's original accounts, made as soon as there was such a thing as the dark web. Built themselves up a good business reputation on the dark web and now they can make a playground out of that, too. Mostly. I have no idea how involved they get in the kiddie porn rings that the FBI keeps trying to bust up, and I don't want to know."

"None of us do," Steve said, standing back. He looked over at the room's main screen. "Okay, so next bullet point. These probably aren't people taken captive. That might change what we'd be look at over there."

"To confirm, you're taking the job?" Maria asked, looking between Bucky and Steve.

They exchanged a look. "We don't have a choice at this point," Bucky said. "I need to destroy their copy of those files before they get used on anyone else. There's probably already been too many that have." He eyed Maria. "So okay, we've decided. Now out with those ways you have of following us without getting noticed and chased off."

"Stark technology," Maria said as if that should be obvious. Bucky didn't have to prompt her to explain. "Stark Industries has several fields of business that they're in. You know about the pharmaceuticals research, there's the clean and renewable energy field, but we do other things not on record. Relative to this job, we are mimicking SHIELD technology with different methods to come up with many of the same resources. We have a quinjet just out of the testing phase that can camouflage itself like the old helicarriers. We will simply just vanish and follow you. We'll be undetectable by any normal methods. We can stay close by to be back up if things get bad."

"We're in that field?" Bucky asked, turning in his chair to look at her more fully. "When did we start that?"

"Just after SHIELD went down," Maria said, sounding a little surprised. He wasn't sure why. "It's for the Avengers' benefit. With governments potentially compromised by Hydra, Pepper decided to view the Avengers as the world's only trustworthy security force for hunting them down. We've not been forced into action on it yet; you and Steve typically drown whatever head Hydra has popped up before the rest of us are needed. That only gives us more time to test equipment. But there's always going to be one point where you will need the team. Now is such a time."

Steve rubbed the back of his neck, lacing his fingers to rest his hands there. "I think now is also a time to call it quits for the night," he said, cutting off Bucky's question that hadn't worked its way out of his mind into words yet, letting the thought evaporate. "We've had a long two days, and I think we'll come up with more ideas after we've all had a chance to sleep. Bucky and I can go longer, but I'd rather not."

"Neither would I," Bucky agreed. "And I think you mere mortals are probably more tired than us." He felt Maria put her hand on his shoulder and squeeze. He rolled his shoulder away, wincing. That was her 'you have displeased me, little man, this is your warning shot' stunt. He usually got it after putting his cold metal hand on the small of her very warm back.

He looked up at her. "So I see my lady's getting cranky. Come on, dear, I'll go tuck you in for the night." At her suspicious look, he held up his hands innocently. "I'm just gonna escort you home. You know I like to do that."

She didn't look entirely convinced, but she seemed to let it slide. "If I didn't like you, I'd protest that I can walk down a hall just fine on my own."

"Humor me."

"Not this time," she said. "We tend to linger too long, and I'm tired, and I want a shower before going to bed. I don't want to end up too tired to do that."

He decided he was tired enough to not want to make an offer he doubted she'd accept. The showers in the apartments were big enough to fit two people, but it wasn't any fun when everyone involved was ready to drop from exhaustion. So he tucked the thought away in the back of his mind to hopefully keep his dreams occupied and block out the upcoming mission.

It'd be worth a try, anyway.

Goodnights were said, and after respective girlfriends were given goodnight kisses, Bucky went back over to the couch, not sitting down right away, staring at the information on the screen. Hydra was reopening the Winter Soldier Project. Focusing on it now, away from a crowd and away from mission-related brainstorming, it put ice through his veins, cold making its way down his spine until he wanted to shiver. His stomach formed a solid lump in it, and he felt an episode wanting to start.

He thought he'd destroyed that ghost.

"Bucky? No. Shut it off."

Bucky looked back over his shoulder at Steve, almost challenging him to try to make him, but gave in before he'd even fought. "JARVIS, shut down the screen and lift it, please."

That ghost could wait until morning.

"Yes, sir," JARVIS said. The screen went blank and then slid up into its slot in the ceiling.

Steve walked over beside him and put his arm around his shoulders. "Couches tonight?"

Marvelous idea, and it killed the episode before it formed. Didn't really thaw the ice that had taken over his whole body though.

"And I'm turning on the heat."

"It's June, Bucky, we're not turning on the heat. Come on, go get your pillow and blanket. I'll meet you out here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To note:
> 
> 1) Yes, these politics are _grossly_ oversimplified. This fic takes place in June of 2016, so not only is this in the future, at which point things might be different, but it's in a world where Hydra exists, which means that even if this were taking place in our present day, things would be different. The general idea is really all that's needed here.
> 
> 2) I'm not arguing Israel/Palestine politics. Don't.
> 
> 3) Yes, to anyone who doesn't know, there is such a thing as the dark web and dot onion sites. It's the really ugly side of the web. That's where the child porn and human trafficking rings hang out and can't get caught by the FBI because of the layers of encryption protecting them. Yes, that offer about the scrubbed SSN and name (and birth date, that I didn't mention) for minors, no questions asked, is a real offer I have seen. I don't remember how many bitcoin it cost, but I imagine it wasn't a small amount. Yes, there are offers for people to become human experiments, and those offers don't stand out because they're relatively common.
> 
> 4) 'Killingred' might actually be someone's user name on one of those sites, please, for the love of all things holy, don't go looking for whoever it is. It was a really lame user name I grabbed out of the sky.


	5. Somewhere It's Always Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A new computer interface that gives a mock return signal to return to the radar receiver. She's fast, efficient, and well-tested in this regard. Between her and the nanotubes, we're going to be almost impossible to detect short of someone walking into the landing wheels by accident once we're on the ground."
> 
> Bruce leaned back slightly to see Maria around Bucky. "I don't think I've ever heard you use gendered pronouns on inanimate objects."
> 
> That earned a deep breath and an almost-laugh. "Tony named the UI after the cat."

_we've got the tools_   
_we've got the time_   
_to punish a most worthy crime_   
_against humanity_   
_**somewhere it's always time for tea** _   
-Emilie Autumn

Even on the couch, the nightmares came. They were more disquieting than terrifying, forgotten as soon as they were over, but they left him feeling cold and restless. It wasn't until Steve had sat down on the floor beside him and pet back his hair and made soothing noises that Bucky was only vaguely aware of did his mind quiet down enough for decent sleep. Bucky wasn't sure what time that was, or if it had even happened, but real or not, it eased his nerves and let him get much needed sleep.

He was awoken into a lighter sleep by JARVIS speaking up in his library voice. "Miss Maria Hill is at the door."

Bucky tried to rouse himself up into wakefulness, but it wasn't happening. He'd had such poor sleep most of the night, sleep he'd need for the upcoming mission, that his body refused to wake from the rest cycle.

"I'll talk to her," Steve said, followed by rustling on the couch near Bucky's head, then Steve's footsteps fading as he went up the three stairs between the living room and the rest of the apartment. "Maria?"

"You're still in sleepwear."

Steve sounded tired as he answered around a yawn. "Yeah, stayed up a bit late. Bucky was having troubles with nightmares. Took awhile to get him sleeping properly."

Oh. So maybe that did happen. Bucky tried again to wake up, but as before, the conditioning in his mind kept him at a low level of sleep. He had a mission coming up, it would be hard to say when he might get to sleep properly again. So he let himself stay still, only partly awake, and listen in.

"I'm sorry. I thought that you two would both be awake by nine."

"Normally, we are. Just a rough night."

"Should I wait to gather the others, then?"

"For what?"

Maria sounded a bit surprised that Steve clearly had no idea what she was talking about. "For further planning. We need to set up for us to follow you. That means going over the technology available to us."

Oh, mission stuff. Time to get up then.

After stretching uncomfortably, Bucky sat up. He ran his flesh hand through his hair, then looked back over the back of the couch. "We slept in, didn't we?"

Maria tilted a bit to look past Steve. "I didn't wake you, did I?"

Bucky shook his head. "No, not really, I was sorta awake. Just old conditioning kept me from getting up." He squinted at her. "New outfit?"

Maria glanced down at her dark blue pant suit with high boots and a holster slung around her hips. Up by her shoulder was the red A that marked all Avengers property. "It's practical for fighting. Sharon has one too. We were the only Avengers that lacked a uniform."

Bucky shook his head, clearing his brain before it got more sidetracked by Maria's uniform and how it flattered her figure, the shade of blue attractive on her, and honestly, if he were more awake and not already in mission briefing mode, he'd be tempted to tell Steve to go amuse himself somewhere while he tried to convince Maria to join him in his room.

Right. Mission stuff. Other stuff can wait.

"Anyway, you have mission information for us?"

"We do," Maria said. "But it can wait if you need more sleep."

"I do, but I'm not allowed to get any more at this point. It's time for mission briefing."

Maria took his wording in stride. She'd asked about it before, and it seemed to have started to help her understand how Hydra's conditioning had affected him in some rather odd ways. Steve didn't even notice the quirks anymore. "Should I wait in the hall while you two get dressed?"

"Considering you've seen him _un_ dress, I don't think that'd be a problem for him," Steve said, sounding like he was holding back a laugh that could only come from an annoying little brother screaming "he's got a girlfriend! I saw them _kissing!_ "

"Shut up, Steve," Bucky said, getting up. "Come sit, Maria. There's no reason for you to stand in the hall." He grabbed his pillow and blanket and headed back for his room. He changed quickly; cargos, a Winter Soldier t-shirt that Steve got him because he thought he was funny, back holster and gun.

Steve was still changing when Bucky emerged from his bedroom. Actually, Steve had probably stopped to make his bed because the man just could not stand leaving his bed in a rumple of blankets. He used to get frustrated enough by the mess Bucky left of his bed in DC that he'd started making Bucky's bed for him. Obsessive nitpick.

Bucky grabbed his boots, heading to the couch to sit down to put them on. He plopped himself next to Maria. "Good morning, beautiful lady."

Maria rested her head on his shoulder for a few seconds in greeting. She was more expressive when there weren't important things on her mind. "Do you wear anything besides those pants and boots? Nice shirt, by the way."

Bucky paused, one boot half laced. "Steve gave it to me. I think it was revenge for something. And I have multiple pairs of pants," he said, going back to his boots. "It's not like they never get washed. And the boots are handy. I like boots. I can step on really big bugs with them."

She raised an eyebrow. "You don't like bugs?"

"I'm not one of the ones that love them, no," Bucky said, pulling on his other boot. "But Steve has problems with them. At least with roaches. He had some as roommates for awhile before I forced him to move to a better place. There was a law that went into effect in '37 that built up affordable housing. It replaced something else, but I don't remember what. I didn't push at him to get something better when it first was passed, but he didn't tell me about the roaches, either. As soon as I found out about them, I made him jump through the hoops to get a new place. First time he ever lived in a nice home since the Crash when he and his mom lost everything."

"You're talking about me?" Steve said, walking into the room. "What about this time?"

Bucky half turned on the couch to look back at Steve. "Why do you think I was talking about you? You're not that interesting."

Steve gave him a dirty look that could almost be called a facial version of saying 'fuck you' and raising the middle finger. Steve must be grouchy. "I heard you say my name."

Bucky shrugged, getting up. He held a hand out to Maria, who accepted his completely unnecessary but gentlemanly gesture. "I was just talking about your hatred of roaches and how my boots are good for stomping them."

Steve's entire face screwed up as if he were smelling something rotten. "If I never see another roach again, I will die a happy man." He pulled on his shoes, probably more appropriate than Bucky's combat boots, but he wasn't the one that had to stomp roaches and potentially kick people in the face.

"Where're we meeting?" Bucky asked Maria.

"The penthouse," Maria said, heading towards the door. Bucky followed right on her heels. "The quinjet is on the landing pad for inspection. JARVIS, please contact Sharon and Bruce and direct them to the penthouse."

"Yes, Miss Hill."

Steve stepped out last, the door locking behind them. "Where have you guys been hiding that all this time?"

Maria looked back at him. "Stark Industries maintains the weapons testing grounds that was used back in the day that we were a weapons contractor for the US military. Tony used it for the arc reactor when he decided to use it on a bigger scale than his suit. The Avengers Tower wouldn't be powered by the technology if not for those tests. We now use it for developing tools for the Avengers."

"So back to weapons," Bucky said as they got to the elevator.

Maria pushed the button, then looked at him. "In a manner of speaking."

"Does Tony know about this?" Steve asked as they stepped into the elevator. "Or is this all Pepper's doing?"

"He knows," Maria said, arms crossed and watching the floor numbers tick by. "It was his idea. Pepper tried to talk him out of it, after how deeply he'd been affected by the sale of Stark weapons to terrorists, but according to her, he was more stubborn than usual. Tony doesn't like losing people important to him. These may be weapons, but they're to be used only to protect his friends."

The elevator came to a stop and Maria led them out into the penthouse. Outside the glass, on the landing pad, sat an impressive-looking quinjet with the ends of its wings folded up to fit on the pad. It was bigger than the sub-orbital they'd taken to Syria and Bucky wondered how it fit on that landing pad. It looked like 'barely' was the answer.

Like the one they took to Syria, it was fitted with sub-orbital engines, tucked in on either side of the main engines. There were two visible missiles attached just ahead of the back hatch, and Bucky was pretty sure he saw a nice pair of cannons attached under the cockpit.

"Those are revolver canons, aren't they?" Bucky asked, walking close to the glass to get a better view.

While Steve had joined him, Maria had hung back. "They are."

"That's European in design," Bucky commented, then looked back at her. "No gatlings?"

"No, the engineers we had working on this recommended putting diversity into the design to make it harder to replicate." She smiled with fond amusement. "I know you want all the technical details right now and to go out and play, but we should wait for the others."

Bucky made a face. "I feel like it's Christmas morning and I'm waiting for my parents to get up so we can open presents."

"You'll live, I'm sure."

Steve gave him a sidelong look. "And now you sleep in on Christmas mornings and make _me_ wait on you."

"Only this last year," Bucky protested. "And I had good reason."

Behind them, the elevator dinged, doors opening to reveal Bruce in his lab coat (why was he in his lab coat?), and Sharon in the same practical Avengers uniform as Maria. It looked good on her, too, and if Steve didn't at least give her a long second look, Bucky would be disappointed in him.

"That's our new ride?" Sharon said, keeping her gaze out the window as she joined them. "Looks shiny."

Bruce took a spot at the window. "So what is she capable of?"

Maria looked at Bucky. "You didn't have to wait long."

"Good. Now, those are revolver cannons, the engineers mixed up designs to make it hard to replicate. What else?"

Maria didn't disappoint. "As you said, those are revolving cannons, which are European design, while the exterior of the jet itself is based on SHIELD's design. You notice the lack of identifying markers." She walked over to stand beside them. "The four missiles are loosely based on the technology of the AIM-54B from the early seventies. They were known as 'dry' missiles, because they lacked coolant conditioning and had a more simplified construction than the AIM-54 Phoenixes that are still used today. The original dry missiles had been abandoned as not being cost effective. As you can see, Tony and the Stark Industries engineers that worked on them found a way to make them cost effective. Because their design was abandoned in the early seventies, they, like the cannons, will be harder to replicate."

"Who all do we have contacts with for landing for refueling?" Steve asked.

Maria shook her head. "No one. It's powered by arc reactor technology. We could fly around the planet without needing to stop to refuel."

Bucky's brows furrowed slightly as he tore his gaze away from the neat new technology to look at Maria. "Why wasn't I called in on this? I have a good record with Stark Industries for working on things like this."

Maria gave him a look that was somewhat apologetic, although she didn't have to be. She wouldn't have left him out if the decision was in her hands. "Pepper's idea."

"Is she still mad at me?"

Maria raised an eyebrow. "Possibly. But that was not her intention. Tony recommended you, given your history working with Howard and the other technology you've created for Stark Industries and the Avengers, but your ability to commit to the project was called into question."

Bucky's jaw dropped and even the others looked away from the quinjet to look between Bucky and Maria like they weren't sure if they should get out of the way or not. "My commitment? When have I ever given her reason to think that?"

"It didn't come up as a character flaw," Maria said, voice between the gentle handling of Bucky's wounded feelings and the practicality he needed to understand that Pepper's decision hadn't been personal before she even explained. "It came up because you have too much on your plate. You have contracts that come up semi-regularly, and your attendance in R&D or in Bruce's lab is sometimes spotty if you've been working at the shelter for a long stretch. She knew you were capable of the job, but she also knew you had other things to focus on."

Bucky couldn't deny that. And he was angry with himself that he couldn't. He didn't like feeling unreliable to his team.

While he mentally berated himself, Steve brought up the next question. Bucky had to force himself to listen. Too much relied on him knowing the technology he'd be working with to brood on a subject that he could always kick himself for later.

"You said she can vanish, like the helicarrier. How'd you pull that off?"

Maria put her hand on Bucky's shoulder in the briefest of contact before crossing her arms again. "The helicarrier the Avengers were first assembled on used cameras on top to photograph the sky above it and project that image onto LED panels on the bottom, effectively rendering it invisible to the naked eye. There was some use of carbon nanotubes in the surface paint to absorb radar pings, but the stealth was hardly perfect."

"No technology is," Bucky said, reinserting himself into the conversation. "So how'd we get around that?"

"A new computer interface that gives a mock return signal to return to the radar receiver. She's fast, efficient, and well-tested in this regard. Between her and the nanotubes, we're going to be almost impossible to detect short of someone walking into the landing wheels by accident once we're on the ground."

Bruce leaned back slightly to see Maria around Bucky. "I don't think I've ever heard you use gendered pronouns on inanimate objects."

That earned a deep breath and an almost-laugh. "Tony named the UI after the cat."

For a second, nobody said a word, everyone looking at Maria like they all hoped she'd say 'just kidding, it's a copy of JARVIS onboard.' When she clearly didn't, Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose while Bruce laughed. Sharon put a hand over her mouth to hide what looked like the threat of laughter, and Steve introduced his forehead to the glass.

"He named the UI of the Avengers' quinjet after Junior?" Bucky asked, trying to wrap his head around it and getting as successful as wrapping a steel beam around a tree just by throwing it at one. It wasn't working very well.

"Oh _Tony_ ," Sharon said, the amusement still clear in her voice.

"He's something all right," Bruce added.

"We're all special snowflakes around here," Steve said. "Please tell me that the computer isn't going to meow at us."

How Maria managed to keep from laughing at that, Bucky couldn't figure out. "No, she's programmed with several languages, none of them feline, and American English is set as her default." She stepped back. "Shall we go investigate the inside?"

At the group agreement, Maria turned and headed around the glass to the landing pad.

"I still could've been pulled in on this," Bucky said. "I can take time off from the shelter and the lab."

"You still have your contracts with Steve," Maria pointed out in a professional voice. Her next words Bucky could hear a smile in, despite being right behind and unable to see her face. "You'll like our next asset. It was your baby in the lab."

Bucky glanced way back at Bruce. "Do you know which one she's talking about?"

Bruce shrugged. "You've got a lot of projects going on. I'm not sure which one, either."

"Patience, gentlemen," Maria said. "Junior, open the hatch."

While the hatch opened at command, Bucky put his hands over his face. "I still can't believe he named the UI after his cat."

Steve gave him an accusing look. "Just remember, him having that cat is your fault."

"I was giving her to Pepper," Bucky protested.

Maria stood by the open hatch, arms folded behind her back as if she were former military in an at-ease position. "Care to actually inspect the inside, or just argue over the UI?"

"Yeah, guys?" Sharon said as she drew up behind them. "Cat can be argued about later. There's still a lot to do."

"The woman speaks wise words," Bruce said. "I'm curious about what we'll be flying in."

"Sorry," Steve and Bucky managed to say in tandem. They headed up the ramp and into the interior.

The inside was a technological marvel, computers lining the top, seats with buckles for sub-orbital flight surrounding a middle support that was also lined with computers just over the heads of the seats. The roof looked tall enough for even Thor to stand with comfortable head room. The cockpit was just visible on the other side of the central seating. Off to each side were spaces with obviously dedicated purpose; one side looked big enough to hold Steve's shield with other weapons comfortably, and the other side looked like a small medical station.

Maria led them in a brief once around the room. "Over here is your corner, Bruce," she said, confirming the medical station. "I'm sorry we couldn't give you a full size operating table, but we could only make the jet so big." She crouched at one end. "As you can see, there's a small cooler. Before missions, it will be stocked with O- blood."

Bruce sat down at his station, pulling out his glasses and inspecting the computers. "Vitals monitors. More convenient than our Christmas trip to the Middle East." He looked up at Maria. "The universal donor."

Maria nodded once. "There are a variety of blood types in the Avengers, there wouldn't be enough room to put enough of everyone's blood type for transfusions if they become necessary."

"I know," Bruce said, then looked at the cooler. "I'm not lucky enough for that. Not sure what to do about Thor. Asgardian blood may not be compatible with anything we have here on Earth."

"We may have to risk it," Maria said. "Or perhaps ask Heimdall to take him to Asgard." She motioned to the head of the station's operating area. "There is also a storage space for basic medical tools on the right of the vitals computer, and a place for a handful of medicines on the other side."

Bruce took off his glasses, putting them away in the chest pocket of his lab coat (why was he wearing his lab coat?). "This is a nice set up. Whoever designed the inside of this place knew the Avengers and our needs very well."

"Tony did the basic sketches and let the engineers make it as close to reality as possible," Maria replied. She continued on around. "Above us are the specific computers that Junior will use to return the mock up signal to radar pings."

The computers in question lined the roof of the entire quinjet, wrapped around the central seat space, and gave the whole thing the impression that they were walking through something out of Star Trek, made to look more advance than even it probably was.

Leave it to Tony.

On the other side of the seating area from Bruce's medical station was what Maria confirmed to be a storage space for weapons; it was built to hold everything, including Tony's suit when it was broken down and put away. And yes, Mister One-Man-Army Barnes, everything of yours will fit too.

Bucky never planned on using it, but it was nice to know.

"Okay," Bucky said once he'd finished his inspection, not caring if the others had. "You said the next thing on our list was something I worked on. Out with it."

Sharon stepped over and stood by Maria as if she was part of the presentation, and swept her arms down over herself, then Maria, as if showing off outfits that their respective boyfriends should be giving an enthusiastic approval to was somehow an answer.

"I don't recall designing uniforms."

Maria gave Sharon a look both amused and clearly resisting rolling her eyes. "The uniforms are fitted with the liquid armor you designed."

Bucky almost felt excited; that was one of his pet projects, and it was finally getting used. Then he remembered something that put a damper on his pride. "I didn't submit that. It's not ready to be put through the testing phase."

"This mission is the testing phase," Maria said. "Tony redesigned Steve's uniform with it and a bit of an updated look. We didn't have access to your tactical gear to upgrade it, but we did design a coat with two full sleeves with it. You'll have something for cool weather or when your arm needs to be hidden. Once you provide your normal uniform, we'll give it the same treatment."

Bucky rubbed his forehead, feeling frustrated and not particularly happy. He ignored the coat for the moment, although it sounded like it'd be amazing if he wasn't busy wanting to smack someone. "You don't test a weapon by throwing it into the middle of a battle. This is not _Ghostbusters_ , we do not take unlicensed nuclear accelerators into the hotel without a test. And how'd Tony get that, anyway? Who took it behind my back?"

Maria blinked at him, and he suddenly remembered the surprise on her face the night before. "Tony did. Everything developed in Bruce's private lab is for Avengers use only, and Tony took charge of that. He saw the formula and decided we couldn't risk the time of more nitpicking before making it, precisely because of a situation like this."

"When did anyone want to tell me that lab was Avengers stuff?"

"I did, when you first started working with me," Bruce said.

Bucky stared at him like he'd lost his mind. Or maybe it was Bucky that was losing his mind. "I don't remember you saying anything of the sort."

Bucky and Bruce stared at each other, both confused and both trying to beat the other to an answer. Bucky would be more amused at their usual games if it wasn't for the fact that they were trying to figure out why there was a major hole in his memory. If anything from Hydra was suddenly coming back to haunt him, he didn't know what he'd do. He couldn't go through forgetting important people and events twice.

Bruce didn't look terribly much closer to an answer than Bucky was when he spoke up, but he seemed to be moving a bit faster. "After I asked you to come work on medicines for you and Steve, what did we test first?"

"No idea," Bucky said. "I remember you saying I should come help you with that in your lab, and that's it."

Bruce tapped his chin with his fist. "I want to say it was an alternative to Ativan for you, something that would stick better without putting you to sleep."

Bucky looked at the ground off to one side, suddenly acutely aware of the other three around them. They all knew about his occasional episodes, but needing medicine for it wasn't something liked to admit, nor wanted people to know about. "We wouldn't have used it unless it was needed."

"I think it was," Bruce said. "I think we tested it by giving you some, then approaching you for a mock blood draw. It didn't work well, so I gave you some Ativan and sent you home."

Bucky looked back up at him. "I don't remember that at all."

Bruce took in a deep breath. "Then I think I can safely say we're throwing that medicine out as a failure. I can't think of _anything_ else that might've affected your memory around that time period."

Bucky took in a deep breath, torn between anger and fear, before he gave up with disgusted shake of his head. "You're probably right. I don't remember this at all."

"All it means is that we're going to have to be more careful about giving medications to you in the future," Bruce said. "That's why about all our work on those is in the lab."

Bucky held his forehead in his hands. "Yeah, I knew we were working on stuff for Steve and I in there. I didn't realize that was more than a pet project."

"What's this about a new uniform?" Steve asked, interrupting the conversation in an awkward manner. Bucky almost throttled him. The uniform wasn't as important as _they were testing an experimental weapon in an actual mission._ That was supposed to be tested _before_ that. And then there was the matter that Bucky had experimented his memory away and thanks for the concern, jackass.

But at least Bucky could feel grateful that Steve had taken the spotlight off of the fact that he sometimes had to take medicine to control his anxiety.

Bruce seemed sympathetic, at least. He patted Bucky's shoulder with a look that said he was sorry about the confusion. Before he could even give an apology, Bucky took in a sigh and waved him off. He'd get over it. There was really nobody to be mad at about it.

"Tony designed it," Sharon said. "I had input to make sure he didn't make it ridiculous. I told him that if he didn't want to look ridiculous, he shouldn't make you look ridiculous. I think you'll like it."

Steve rubbed the back of his neck, resisting a sigh. "Well, I guess the old one is beat up enough, a new one is probably due. If it's got Bucky's liquid armor in it, it's probably safer than the old one too." He hesitated. "I'm guessing it's still in Old Glory colors?"

Sharon nodded. "It's huge step up from the World War II design you wear now, with a bit of your SHIELD uniform's advantages, but you're still Captain America."

Steve looked at Bucky. "Wearing the American flag around Palestine's not going to make it easy to sneak into a Hydra base and get information. Should we try what we did in North Korea?"

Bucky rubbed both hands over his face, somewhere between still worrying about the new armor not getting tested before this, his apparent memory loss that led to that stuff's creation without him knowing, and trying to come up with a solution to the problem Steve just pointed o-

Oh.

Oh no, not that.

Bucky dropped his hands to just over his lips and chin. "I know a way in. And I hate myself with a passion for it."

"You usually do for your creative ones," Steve said. "And they pretty much always saved our butts. Whatever it is, it can't be as bad as some of the stuff we've done before."

Bucky shook his head. "No. Oh no. This is by far my worst." He sighed. "I can sell us on the dark web. The easiest way to sneak into a lab is as a volunteer."

"No, absolutely not," Maria said without one second of hesitation. "You can't sneak weapons in with you. That is a Hydra lab, you are not going in unarmed."

Steve studied Bucky, and Bucky could see him seriously debating the idea. It was a decent one, and they could figure out how to fill in the weapon hole that Maria just pointed out. And Bucky hated himself for it.

"What about your arm?" Sharon said. "You wouldn't be able to sneak by at all with it."

"I can do it," Steve said. "I don't have anything they can be tipped off by, and it'd mean I'm not wandering around in a red, white, and blue target."

Even worse. Bucky wished whatever part of his brain came up with that idea would crawl out before the rest of him had a stroke over it.

"Steve, no," Maria said. "That leaves you walking into a trap unarmed."

"Our last run on Hydra and the Valkyrie project back in the war was about as dumb," Steve said. "I just ran in and rang the doorbell."

"And it left you frozen in the Arctic for decades!" Sharon protested. "We can't lose you again like that. The world still needs Captain America. And what about Bucky? Or the rest of us?"

Bucky didn't hear Bruce speaking up; he could only imagine that Bruce wasn't going to jump in between two women and two stupid men unless he could do so without getting scratched by one side and hit by the other. Then the other guy would have to step in and it'd just be a big mess.

"I'll be fine," Steve said, trying to assure her but probably failing. "Every mission I go on has that risk. Bucky can do the sneaking, he's better at it and his uniform is better suited for it," Steve said. "I'll be inside, we'll stay in contact. If I can get a layout to him, he can get in and clean the place. Once he's done, I'll borrow one of his weapons and we'll take care of business. We'll be in contact with you guys, you'll know right away if we need back up."

"You're seriously considering this?" Sharon demanded, disbelief scrawled on her face.

"Actually, yes, I am," Steve said. "When Bucky gets ideas this out there, they're usually the best ones we have. I trust him, he wouldn't suggest putting me into the line of fire, even against his will, if it weren't a good idea. And if I do go in there this way, I'll have four people watching my back, three more than if it were just Bucky and I. Having you three along makes this a good idea with an acceptable risk factor."

Next to Bucky, Bruce inhaled a wary-sounding breath. "I guess this is my turn to show off," he said. "If either of you go in there as a volunteer, you'll need a way of communicating with the rest of us without the comm piece being spotted and removed."

So this was really happening. Bucky wanted to beat his head on a wall. "You have something for that?"

Bruce nodded. "I do. Which was next on the list anyway. Come on, we'll go down to the medical lab."

Steve raised his eyebrows as they paraded out of the quinjet. Junior closed the hatch behind them. "A communication problem is solved in the medlab?"

"You'll see."

They were all quiet as Bruce led them down to medlab, making the elevator ride uncomfortable. Bucky was busy hating himself forever, the women were probably plotting his death, Steve was taking the idea way too seriously, and Bruce was avoiding starting a forest fire in the Avengers Tower.

Awkward.

Silence remained until they'd navigated through the medical level to the back rooms and private labs reserved for Avengers care and work. Bruce directed them to wait at a nurse's station while he went on further. Bucky had a feeling he was going to his personal lab. Which meant that whatever it was, it was one of Bruce's projects for the Avengers. That really had Bucky curious, and more than a little nervous. Bruce hadn't told them to wait up in the penthouse while he retrieved whatever communication device he'd created, he'd brought them down to the medlab. And he was wearing his lab coat, which meant he'd been expecting to do some work.

Bucky really wanted out of the medlab. It was disquieting.

Nobody wanted to speak up, not even to speculate about Bruce's project. The girls were probably still mad at him and Steve, Steve was already planning how to fraudulently sell himself to science, and Bucky still hated himself for coming up with the idea, much less giving it voice.

Bruce returned a few minutes later, two thin, clear plastic cases in one hand. "Here we go." He set the cases down on the nurse's station's counter. Inside the cases were two tiny computer chips, about a quarter inch one way and less than that the other way. They looked like the insides of micro SD cards.

"I'm guessing those are communication chips," Bucky said. "They're awful tiny, how're they supposed to fit in the ear without damaging something?"

"They're not," Bruce said. "They get surgically implanted just behind the ear."

Surgery. Bucky balked. "You are not putting a computer chip in my brain, Bruce."

Bruce opened one of the cases, pulling out the tiny comm inside. "I know you're not fond of the idea of surgery. It wouldn't be a major one, I'd perform it under twilight sleep, and I'd give you an Ativan since we know that works before putting in the IV. It'd require a slight removal of some bone in the skull, just a little indent so it can sit comfortably under the skin without being seen."

Bucky had troubles keep his hands from shaking. "I'm already a cyborg, you want to put more technology in me?"

Bruce gave him a patient look. "I know where you stand. We all do. But if you want to be able to keep in contact with Steve and the rest of us without someone potentially losing their contact mid-mission, it's probably your best bet." He set the chip back down in its case. "Besides, it's not implanted into your brain, just under the skin. It wouldn't make you a cyborg any more than wearing a regular communication device. The only part of the surgery that is remotely close to what you're thinking is filing away a small spot of the skull for it to sit without being a noticeable bump."

Steve put a hand on Bucky's shoulder that Bucky almost pulled away from, entirely because he knew that Steve wasn't going to argue on Bucky's side. "Buck, relax. It's a good idea, even if we do things differently. Or for future jobs. Nobody would be able to see our comms and potentially rob us of them. We'd be able to stay in better contact."

Before Bucky could protest further, the idea of surgery making him want to run, and Steve's acceptance of his terrible, horrible, no good very bad idea making him want to shake Steve until the stupid fell out, Maria spoke up. "Let me try," she said. Steve stepped away and Bucky barely got to look at her before she had stepped over to him and put both hands on his face, forcing him to hold eye contact with her. "Bucky, listen to me. Steve wants to go through with this idea, that much is clear. As much as we all hate it, you're both right, it'll be the best way to get him in. If we don't have this technology in place, if we can't keep in contact with you both, someone could die. Including him. This is the best way to protect him."

Boy, she knew him well.

He glanced at Steve out of the corner of his eye. "I don't suppose you'd consider a different plan?"

"It's probably the best way to get us in, get those files out of their system, and get out before anyone else becomes an experiment, or worse, becomes a success," Steve said with a shrug. "It's not any more dangerous than other things we've done and if we're lucky, we'll take out Hydra's foothold in Israel in the process."

Bucky drew in a deep breath to keep from telling Steve he was an idiot, then took Maria's hands and pulled them away from his face without letting go of them. "Fine."

Steve nodded once, a silent acknowledgement of what Bucky didn't say, then looked at Bruce. "Let's get started."

They hadn't even confirmed with their contact that they were taking the contract and Bucky already hated this job.


	6. Intending To Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve opened his mouth to protest, but Bucky walked right over him. "I may be safer coming in the back way, but we're both risking landing on Hydra's experiment tables with drugs pumping into us that'll essentially kill us. This isn't a time for your 'I've won against worse odds' because no, you haven't. You've taken on Hydra as much as I have, but you've never _belonged_ to them. You don't know how they operate in their underground areas. _I do_."

_there's a forest fire_   
_burning bright_   
_spreading quickly towards_   
_our last rites_   
_nowhere to run_   
_pointless to hide_   
_just lay there and scream_   
_**pretending to try** _   
-Alkaline Trio

The most tedious part of the communication chips installation was the several brain wave scans beforehand that Bruce said would let him calibrate the chips to their unique minds so they could control them. It lasted over two days and one overnight stay with sticky electrode pads plastered all over their heads. It wasn't comfortable, but having control of the comm chip meant that they would have the ability to actually turn them off when they weren't needed. They could only be turned on consciously. Loss of consciousness turned them off automatically.

Thank god. Steve and Bucky were close, but there were just some things they'd want privacy for.

The surgeries themselves were simpler than the calibration had been, but they were Bucky's least favorite part of the process. Bruce told Bucky to go first; his anxiety was high enough as it was, putting him off until after he'd had a chance to wait on Steve to come out from under the sedation would make it harder for the Ativan to work when it came time to insert Bucky's IV.

He was given his IV in a regular exam room; he asked Bruce about it.

"Small procedures like this can be done in exam rooms," Bruce said, keeping Bucky's Ativan-slowed attention on him while his nurse worked in the IV. "I don't need to put you in a full OR." He glanced at the IV bag. "And with that, goodnight."

The only thing he remembered about the surgery was being helped onto his right side just a few seconds before he went out completely, and that he woke up in the same exam room, pillows arranged under his neck and head to keep him facing that direction.

After being given water for his cotton mouth from a night and day of not drinking anything, Bruce let Steve lead him up to their apartment to sleep off the lingering effects of the sedation. His head was wrapped with a sizable wad of gauze under his left ear. It wasn't comfortable, but at least it let him lay on his favored right side.

When he was fully alert again, despite fighting off pain from the surgery, it was Steve's turn, and unlike Bucky, Steve was set up to be laid on his left side.

"Why the two different sides?" Bucky asked, having to keep himself from watching the nurse put in Steve's IV.

Bruce looked at him. "Because you like to be Steve's right ear for him. I thought you might appreciate the extra help."

Bucky patted Bruce's shoulder. "You're a good man, Bruce."

"I try," Bruce said. "Now, waiting room. I don't need you panicking over me going at Steve with a scalpel."

"Probably not." He winced, touching his hand lightly to his bandages. "Just so you know, the painkiller works like shit."

"We'll work on a new one after this mission. Now. Waiting room. Go."

"Yes, doctor."

Fortunately, Steve was a less problematic patient than Bucky had been, not needing a mild sedation before the surgery's sedation. He still needed help sitting up and getting water before being taken upstairs to take his turn to rest on the couch, but he seemed to at least be responding to the painkillers. Bucky sent a note down to Bruce about that. At least they'd only have to try to find one for Bucky instead of both of them.

Steve's bandages looked as ridiculous as Bucky's did. Steve made a very tired joke- or attempted to -about how they could look ridiculous together like the old married couple that they were. Bucky told him to shut up and get some sleep.

Bucky spent his time while Steve slept scouring the internet for every scrap of information about the simmering pot of hatred that was the Middle East. He remembered why they never went out there.

Bruce had used medical glue to keep the incisions closed and clean while it healed, which only took a couple days with their healing factors. The hardest part for Bucky after the pain had diminished was that the glue and the healing skin itched like a bitch. And Bruce had had the foresight to put his comm piece behind his left ear, where it was hard to scratch. Damn mechanical fingers with their lack of fingernails.

By the second night, the glue had fallen off on its own, leaving behind a neat little red line just behind the ear that would turn to scar tissue soon enough.

Right, because Bucky didn't have enough scars.

Bucky made an executive decision in their planning, or rather, a few. He made the two girls give the liquid armor a few test runs in the training rooms before he made the official transaction for Steve to Hydra. He decided his new coat would hold up once he was sure their uniforms did.

He also realized just how good at combat they both were, Maria in particular. He felt a lot better about them being his back up if something went wrong, and he realized why Maria hadn't been happy at him the morning after the situation at the supper club. She was right, he really needed to trust her and her abilities.

Still did not make him fond of the plan.

He also put his foot down on when they'd contact Ashkenazi to take the job, and when he made the fake transaction on the dark web. If he was going to risk his partner's life in a dangerous idea he hated himself for, he was going to call the shots. Steve actually deferred to him. Not terribly surprising, Steve knew that when Bucky had a plan in his head, he needed room to work it out and since he was no longer capable of thinking in in words, that meant a lot of just doing and not arguing.

Sharon seemed to want to argue the whole way- Bucky didn't blame her, that was her boyfriend, and they were her job -but she ultimately stayed silent, her only arguments in body language and disapproving looks. The only time she tried to say something, Bucky pointed out that this was the first job of Steve and Bucky's that she actually had a chance to follow them on and do her job. If she didn't like it, she could stay home.

"You're not my job anymore," she said in reply, perhaps with a little bite. "Not a job from the CIA."

"What happened with that?" Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow. He assumed that his unapologetic bullying about the mission was behind her snappish reply.

"I quit," she said. "Tony said that I either quit my government job and become a proper Avenger, or move out and try to keep track of you two against Stark technology. When I reported that to my superior in the CIA, they said they'd put me on a different assignment. I turned in my resignation. I didn't want to be pulled away from you guys. I'm a full-fledged Avenger."

The part of Bucky that was currently in charge as a mission head was immediately suspicious of that. Normally he'd just be glad, but if there was any chance she was lying- she'd lied before -it could be trouble. He debated not letting her go along at all, but Maria convinced him to give her a chance. He found that odd; Maria was just as cautious as he was, and this was a change in status that was too ill-timed to not be suspicious.

But, she stood up for Sharon, so Bucky consented to giving her a shot.

Maria herself didn't show any particular reaction to the plan in front of the others. She was the former deputy director of the largest spy and security agency in the world; sticking to mission without letting it upset her was part of her job. That didn't stop her from making Bucky think carefully about all his decisions. She didn't protest, she questioned and brought up details to make sure he'd accounted for them.

How did he plan on sneaking in? The area seemed well-lit, no matter what he wore, he'd be noticeable. From the back, away from the lights. Was there an entrance back there? I can make one if I need to. Can you do that without drawing attention? There's probably a back entrance to begin with. You don't dump bodies of failed experiments on your front porch. Fair. What about finding the digital copies of the project files? The HUD in my goggles would direct me to the computers by tracing electricity use. What about how to shred them? I'll have you guys link Junior in and let her shred them. If JARVIS could do it, so could Junior. And Tony is still weird for naming the UI after his cat. Please don't change the subject.

How much of that was her job taking over, and how much of that was personal concern for her boyfriend, he couldn't tell, and it didn't matter. She remained focused on the job at hand. He had a feeling they'd work well together on this job. They both had a mission-mindset to hide behind when needed.

Bruce was the only one that seemed truly calm about it. When asked about it, he simply smiled and said "the other guy is actually happy for once. We might get to beat up Hydra agents, if things don't go according to plan."

Bucky couldn't really deny that it'd be a delicious case of schadenfreude to watch Hydra agents get smeared by the other guy, but Bucky would rather hope that it wouldn't come to that. The Hulk having to step in meant that something went very wrong. That left an uncomfortable lump in his stomach.

Having the Hulk step in in case the plan failed presented its own problem; how to get him back under control so that he wasn't joining the plane ride back home.

"If he comes out and smashes the place down, which I would find very satisfying if we end up in a position of needing it," Bucky said, "how do we get _you_ back when it's time to leave?"

"That's probably something we'll have to leave to chance," Bruce admitted, although he sounded more confident about it than Bucky thought he should. "I don't think it'll come to that anyway. Plans would really have to go out the window if he's needed. It's something we'll deal with when we cross that bridge, if we even get to it."

No, things would go according to plan. That wasn't a bridge they'd even get to. Bucky repeated that mantra several times to keep him going instead of saying 'fuck it' and asking the military to just nuke the site from orbit. They wouldn't, but it was a thought.

It'd been just shy of a week since they were first contacted about the job when Bucky decided they were as prepared as they were going to get and surrendered himself to actually following through. He sat down at Steve's laptop, his work glove on, with the others pacing around his living room nearby. Steve hung over his shoulder as Tor was booted up and Hydra's experimentation offer was found again.

"Okay," he said, looking up at Steve. "One last chance to back out."

Steve shook his head. "No. You'll have my back, I'll be fine."

"All right," Bucky said, not feeling as confident as Steve did. He clicked on the business transaction and officially sold Steve off to Hydra. After a bit of fussing around and exchanges with Hydra's account, the deal was finalized. "Okay, done. You're going to be on El Al flight 316 at 9:00 PM our time at Boston tomorrow. You'll arrive at Ben Gurion International at approximately three in the afternoon next day local time."

"So an overnight flight."

Bucky looked back at him. "It's an eleven hour trip, but you're going back against time zones." He looked back at the screen. "You'll be picked up by a taxi and taken to the edge of East Jerusalem and dropped off at a hotel. You'll stay the night there, then get picked up by an unmarked former military jeep along with three other volunteers at five in the morning and taken to Jericho, where you will stay until sundown. After that, you'll be taken to the 'medical facility'." He looked back away from the computer. "You can probably expect to be blindfolded for part of the trip. If a volunteer gets away, they won't want that volunteer to be able to direct people to their labs."

"No, I suppose not," Steve said. "What's the fake name you gave me?"

"John Stiles," Bucky said. "That was the name of Fran Stiles's older brother."

"Why does her name sound familiar?"

Bucky rubbed at the still slightly itchy incision site behind his ear. It was an exercise in futility- still no fingernails on that hand. "Fran was my first girlfriend in high school. Lasted all of two months before she realized I had no interest in commitment and broke it off with me."

"Oh, her. Yeah, John wasn't happy with you about it."

Bucky rolled his eyes. "He didn't understand 'she broke up with me' very well. Idiot."

"So now we go down to the communications center to contact Ms. Ashkenazi?" Maria asked, pulling Bucky's thoughts away from the nice vacation they'd been attempting to have.

With his finger starting to _taptatptap_ on the table, Bucky frowned in frustration and shook his head. "No, now we wait for Steve's tickets to be provided so I can print them. Then we go down to the comm center and call her."

It was probably only a minute wait, but it felt like forever to Bucky, especially with Steve still hanging over his shoulder and the other three practically radiating anxiety. That didn't help his own. But eventually the email for Bucky's account reloaded and Steve's ticket was waiting in the inbox. Bucky clicked print. "Your ticket's over there at the printer," he told Steve, jabbing his thumb back towards the printer in question. "Don't lose it or forget it."

"You act like I'm going to." The others probably didn't pick up on it, but to Bucky, he sounded like his nerves were almost as frayed as Bucky's.

Really, really, really hating this idea.

"This is probably the stupidest thing we've done, Steve, I'm not taking chances. Just shut up and put up with it." He sighed. "Go get into uniform. We have a conference to have with our Knesset member."

The communications center was a fairly simple room, there was a single computer station to one side with back up methods of turning on and off a teleconference call- JARVIS was supposed to handle all that, but Tony liked redundant set ups. The station also could record conversations held over the system and encode them into an unreadable format that JARVIS or another trained computer could later decipher.

The majority of the room was simply blank white walls. Against the far wall was a wide screen, big enough with the intention of being able to show off at least most of the team when needed. Across from that was a blank white wall with only the Avengers symbol in a medium grey. It was done up with the intention of preventing the person on the other side of the call from figuring out where they were based on background content.

It was about three in the afternoon in Jerusalem, according to JARVIS, and Ashkenazi should be standing by for the call. JARVIS had contacted her earlier that morning in her time zone, letting her know to expect an official answer via teleconference that afternoon. JARVIS reported that she'd seemed hesitant to confirm that, but had agreed regardless.

Bucky was already counting the different reasons she could be nervous about this call, ideas he kept to himself until he could observe Ashneknazi and her tone and body language during the call.

Time to wait and see.

Steve and Bucky were standing in uniform in front of the screen, ready to 'officially' commit Captain America and the Winter Soldier to a contract. Steve and Bucky had both come up with the idea; they never used anything for communication with contracts but their phone, but both agreed that it'd make Hydra nervous if Ashkenazi turned out to be an operative, or it'd make her feel more confident about the job if she wasn't.

Personally, Bucky hoped she was an operative, just so Hydra would have a good look at their former Winter Soldier geared up to go after them. Don't create a weapon you can't control, or be surprised when it turns on you.

The system for calls leaving the Tower was much more secure, and took more time to get a call through its protocols, and almost a full minute passed before a woman's face appeared on screen. She was beautiful, with dark skin that she clearly took very good care of, despite the thin layer of sweat on her forehead.

Bucky wondered what that meant. It was too early to tell.

Looking over the rest of her appearance, committing it to memory in case he had to interact with her directly, she had dark eyes were almost black, her brown hair that was pulled back into a clip that let half her hair fall out of it into a lazy ponytail that Bucky actually found unflattering, despite her otherwise attractive appearance.

Maybe, _maybe_ , once upon a time, Bucky Barnes might've tried to charm her into revealing whatever she might accidentally give them while doing whatever she was going to do with this offer. But not only was Bucky a taken man now, he was no longer was half as charming as he used to be.

And the Winter Soldier had all the charisma of a rock.

"Captain America, Winter Soldier. Thank you for calling back." She sounded like she was trying to hide nerves. "I was beginning to wonder if we'd been forgotten."

They'd scripted this out carefully, as much as they could with half the conversation being an unknown. Bucky would remain as silent as the assassin he'd been trained by Hydra to be when sent to stalk rather than make a mess. They knew that regardless of Ashkenazi's answer and position, the Winter Soldier being silent in full uniform, weapons displayed blatantly, entire face hidden by his face mask and goggles, would disquiet her. Regardless of her affiliation, she'd be reporting that reaction to a superior, and if luck was on their side, that would spread to all of Hydra's operatives in the Knesset, and possibly the president and/or Prime Minister.

Normally, Bucky didn't think he could create that kind of disturbance on his own, but while Steve was their favorite person to hate, Bucky was their creation that was turning on them. It showed them they had failed and had weaknesses they probably didn't want. And that 'failure' was going to repay them in spades for what they did to make him.

Standing next to Captain America in his new (admittedly nice) uniform would only drive home that point.

"You weren't," Steve said. "We had a lot of information to go over." Yeah, information that hadn't come from Ashkenazi's bundle she'd sent, but she didn't need to know that.

"I did not realize we'd sent so much to warrant a week of silence," Ashkenazi said. Despite the other signs of emotional distress, she managed to sound indignant. Their silence was a political smack in the face to her and her committee in the Knesset that had offered the job.

"No, not at all," Steve said smoothly. Bucky had worked with Steve to teach him how to lie just long enough to get through this call without being obvious about lying. That comfortable tone told Bucky that the lessons were sticking. "You'd mentioned that relations between the Israeli government and the Palestinian Authority were sticky at the moment. We wanted to do some research into that situation. We didn't want to blunder into something and cause a war in the process."

Nobody said they _wanted_ to. Prepared to was another matter.

That didn't seem to relax Ashkenazi, but the offended look disappeared. "I see. Thank you for that, I'm afraid I hadn't thought to send that information."

"We like to know what we're getting into," Steve said. "It's safer for everyone that way."

Ashkenazi was still acting nervous, her anxiety practically glowing like a halo around her. She wiped sweat off her face with a handkerchief. "Forgive my appearance. It's very hot here right now and our air conditioner in this office is broken."

How much of that was true and how much of that sweat was from adrenaline being pumped out in response to her nervous reaction was hard to say. Bucky was actually willing to give her the benefit of the doubt on that one. She looked overheated enough for him to buy it, and had from the start.

"No need to apologize," Steve said. "Technology sometimes breaks down."

"It does," she agreed, eyes flitting around the room they were in, then down at the bottom of her screen. She paused, and it was clear that Steve was about to speak up and prompt further conversation, but before he had a chance, she looked back up at them. She still showed the symptoms of nerves, but the way her eyes had hardened said that those nerves were no longer frayed.

Bucky worried about that.

"Would you prefer we call after the AC system is repaired?" Steve asked. "Might be more comfortable for you."

"No, no, this is fine," she said, and Bucky heard no sign of nervousness anymore. "I apologize, I should've called you this morning, but time zones made it seem rude. My committee came to the decision to hire you. However, we have to withdraw that offer. News of the idea reached the prime minister. Her opinion was that Israel did not want to be the one to get Captain America and the Winter Soldier killed. We're already trying to prevent war as it is, she was afraid that war would be unavoidable if such a thing happened. I apologize. If we find no other recourse, we will appeal to Prime Minister Bar-Lev to offer the job again. I hope we would be able to do that?"

"We won't turn down a chance to go after Hydra," Steve said, and if Ashkenazi had doubted anything he'd said before, she wouldn't find any lies in that statement. 

A congenial smile crossed her lips. "Excellent. I apologize again for wasting so much of your time. If you'll excuse me, I'm afraid I have other duties to tend to, now."

Yeah, so do we.

Steve extended his own pleasantry, then the screen went dark. He looked at Bucky. "So what's the verdict? Is she Hydra or not?"

Bucky took off his goggles and face mask before answering. "If she isn't, she's a damn good actress. I usually recognize operatives by their stench."

"So at least one member of her subcommittee is Hydra," Bruce said from the computers on the far side of the room. "I wonder how this idea made its way to the prime minister without all of the government knowing about it. I know heads of state can be involved in under the table deals like this, but unless the idea followed a gossip train, someone went right to her with the idea."

Bucky couldn't formulate an answer to that, something niggling at the back of his mind. Something about the woman's body language had given something away, but Bucky couldn't quite pin down what beyond a Very Bad Feeling.

Steve noticed. "You have a thought?"

"Yeah. Gimme a minute."

Nobody said anything when he sat down against the wall, his goggles and face mask abandoned next to him. It only meant that whatever thought he was having, it wasn't quite taking the form of words yet.

The others went on with the conversation, Bucky half-listening in.

"That someone might've been not Hydra, but part of the same subcommittee as Ashkenazi and took the idea to her, not liking it," Sharon suggested. "If she's not Hydra, she's going to agree that you two dying under her watch would be a terrible idea."

"Your World War III prediction," Bruce said.

Sharon nodded. "Yeah. But that's assuming someone in that government was sane enough to be the stool pigeon."

"It's also assuming that the line about going to the prime minister wasn't a blatant lie," Maria pointed out. "Her whole body language changed when she said that."

Steve looked down at Bucky. "Still working on that thought?"

Bucky hit his head back against the wall. Maria's statement had solidified what was going on in his brain. "They know."

Steve sat down next to Bucky, shield and helmet set aside. "That doesn't sound like the right level of bad for your tone. What's going on?"

Deep breath. Ignore the way the left arm suddenly feels heavier than normal. Breathe. "Nobody ever went to the prime minister, she has no idea what's going on. She was a lie grabbed out of thin air because Hydra knows we're coming, contract or no contract."

"If they didn't know that, they wouldn't pose much of a threat," Maria said. "You still sound like there's more."

Bucky lifted his head. "They know how we're getting in. They know to be watching for us and where Steve's gonna be."

"How?" she asked. "You made that transaction less than an hour ago."

His finger went _taptaptap_ on the thick material of his knee pad. He was trying to pin down what in that woman's body language had tripped his instincts. "I don't-" Try again. "I know how they operate. Something tipped them off. They don't need to make a contract with us when we're handing ourselves over on a silver platter."

For a moment, nobody said anything. Steve was the first to break the silence, putting his hand on Bucky's shoulder with a light touch. "You sure about that, Buck?"

Another deep breath. He rubbed his temples with his fingers. "Everything I learned from them is telling me they know. I didn't think anyone would recognize that login I stole, but someone did, and someone alerted her as soon as they found out."

For a moment, Bucky wasn't sure if the others were going to try to assure him it was impossible, or if someone was going to swear when they realized he was right.

"Damn."

Thank you, Maria.

Sharon heaved a deep sigh. "He's right. She stopped being so nervous right around the time she complained about the AC. She was looking somewhere else on the screen. She must've gotten an email or something from whoever tracks those transactions."

There. Thank you, Sharon. That's exactly what had gotten under his skin and into his brain.

He put his hands over his face, willing his brain to work past the fear; he'd just put Steve in danger. There was no way Steve was going to get out of there without a lot of luck on his side. Bucky could've shot himself in the damn head for it.

"One last chance to back out," he said, sliding his hands up to push back his hair so he could stare in frustration at the floor in front of him.

"I have a question," Bruce said, "before we commit. Why would she be nervous about this before getting that notice? Did Hydra really have no plan in place to deal with you two before they got lucky?"

Bucky dropped one hand onto his lap. "We took a week to answer. That means one," he lifted one finger, "we were more prepared that they wanted." Two fingers. "Two, there was a possibility that we'd recruited other Avengers." Three fingers. "Or third, we were already in Palestine, right under their noses. All of which was true, except the last one. And now none of that matters. Even with you guys along, they'll have Steve held hostage." He flashed a dirty look at Steve. "And don't act like they won't have ways of knocking you out. Project Rebirth didn't make you an all-seeing god."

"I know it didn't," Steve said a tone Bucky was sure was meant to be reassuring, but it failed. "But I've won against worse odds."

"Steve?" Bucky felt he couldn't stress what he was about to say enough, not just because Steve sometimes had rocks in his head for how stubborn he was, but because if Bucky didn't say it, it'd stay as a nightmare living in his head that nobody else would know to share. For once, something in his head really needed to be shared. "They've been working on replicating the chemicals they used on me. Those chemicals busted my DNA. I doubt they've had any successes without Zola's notes from '43, but those are still chemicals that are going to mess with _your_ DNA. They're going to alter the stability of your mutation. All they'd need is five minutes of sedation to get that shit into you and then what?"

Steve opened his mouth to protest, but Bucky walked right over him. "I may be safer coming in the back way, but we're both risking landing on Hydra's experiment tables with drugs pumping into us that'll essentially kill us. This isn't a time for your 'I've won against worse odds' because no, you haven't. You've taken on Hydra as much as I have, but you've never _belonged_ to them. You don't know how they operate in their underground areas. _I do_."

Nobody said anything, Bucky's harsh words hanging over them like a miasma. Every one of them knew Bucky was right, he was certain of that, but it left a silence that made him feel like he should blend back into the wall to escape the attention. His right hand was shaking a bit, not from anxiety but from exhaustion, like the attack he didn't know he'd had had already passed.

But it'd been something that was needed to be said. Bucky would be surprised if none of them agreed. Even Steve was looking down at his hands. The others, it seemed, were either intent on the floor or on a distant wall. Bucky's words had struck a chord.

Good.

The heavy silence was interrupted by Maria. "So what's our play now?"

Before Bucky could even come up with a new plan, Steve spoke up with the stupidest words Bucky had ever heard. "We continue with this one."

"Steve." There was warning rattle in Bucky's voice when he said his partner's name.

Steve ignored it. "It's still our best bet for getting in. We'll just have to rearrange your timing with when I get there."

Bucky covered his face, fighting back the growing terror of the plan going wrong and something happening to Steve, and fighting back the threat of tears that went with it. "Maria, how close to the top of the base can you get me without getting spotted?"

"As long as we remained hidden, perhaps two hundred feet."

Bucky looked at Steve. "That's about a twenty story building. Even for me, that's a bit much." He switched his gaze to Maria. "Does the jet have any way of lowering me? A cable I can ride halfway down? I can make that."

"She's not currently equipped with one, no," Maria said. "But that would be an easy addition. We'll leave when Steve does tomorrow, then take a trip to the testing grounds to have it installed. With our speed compared to a passenger plane and his overnight stay in East Jerusalem, we'll still make it to Jericho before him."

"And then have a day to case the area," Sharon said. "He's going to be stuck in Jericho until sundown." She looked at Maria. "Or would that be pushing our invisibility trick?"

"It shouldn't," Maria said. "But to err on the side of caution, we're going to want to fly over the base as little as possible. We'll do a fly-by, look for signs of a back entrance, then find a place to land where we'll be safe until sundown and drop Bucky in."

Bucky, one hand on his forehead, elbow on his thigh, and his metal finger still tapping on his knee pad, looked over at Steve, only half-heartedly listening to the women. "Steve, this is a terrible idea. Please say we're not actually doing this."

Steve put a hand on Bucky's metal hand, stopping the tapping. "Bucky, it's a good idea-"

"-before they found out about it-"

"-and we're going through with it. If I didn't have the best soldier watching my back, I'd come up with something new. They're not going to do anything until we're at the facility, not if they want to replicate Project Rebirth. That gives you plenty of time to get into position to watch my back. But I have my partner there to get me out when it's time to go."

Bucky stared at him, torn between pure anger and an equal part fear. "Don't you put that on my shoulders," he said. "You know damn well what would happen if I didn't get there in time. You want me carrying that cross?"

He noticed the others had gone silent. It was rare that anyone got to witness an argument between them, and even Natasha had had the good sense to not get between them. The other three seemed to share that good sense.

"No, I don't," Steve said. "I'd been carrying that one myself for a damn long time when I couldn't catch you."

"So what's this?" Bucky demanded, doing his damndest to keep his eyes dry and not tearing up in frustration and fear. He wasn't succeeding. "We share the misery together?"

Steve sighed, sounding like the was tired of Bucky arguing with him. Tough shit. "No. You've caught me before, I know you can again. I'm not putting anything of the sorts on you, precisely because I _have_ been in that situation and I'm not going to let you have to be."

"You're putting too much faith in me."

Ignoring the presence of other people, Steve put an arm around Bucky's shoulders, all but pulling him into a hug. "It's not faith," he said. "It has nothing to do with faith. Faith can't be proven. Trust can. You're the scientist, you should know the difference. I know you'll get me out because you have before. You're the only one of us who could be in the position you'll be in. I'm the distraction. You're right, you're the only one that knows how their underground operations work. So the distraction is the best role for me so you can get through. This one's your job."

Bucky pulled away. "If it's my job, why aren't you listening to me when I say this is a _bad_ idea?"

"Because we both know that this is the best one." Steve lowered his head a bit, giving Bucky a stare that defied Bucky to argue. "And you hate yourself for it."

Having failed to keep his eyes dry, Bucky rubbed his index finger and thumb over them, squeezing in on the bridge of his nose to make the wetness go away without giving away that it'd even been there in the first place. "Fine. We'll take you to Boston tomorrow. We'll meet you at the facility. You just be goddamn careful."

"I will." He patted Bucky's metal shoulder. "Come on, let's go get out of uniform and spend the rest of the day _not_ thinking about this." He finally acknowledged the other three in the room, all of whom were desperate to not look like they'd been listening in. Good luck, guys, there was no way to not hear that. "We can't go to DC again, but we can find other things to do."

"We'll be splitting up," Bruce said. "I have one more thing I need to finish working on for Bucky, or none of this is gonna be worth the bother."

Before Bucky could start to think to ask what it was, Sharon interrupted. "Mind if I come with you?" she asked, to Bucky's surprise. Since when did Sharon spend time in the lab? She wasn't a scientist or engineer to Bucky's knowledge.

But Bruce didn't seem surprised that she'd asked. "Not at all. The company would be nice."

Maria pushed away from resting against the computers. "I have one last thing to finish too," she said. Again, before any protests could be made, Maria forced direct eye contact with Bucky. "I've told you, it's not my place to come between you. You two should worry about each other today. We're not the ones who will be in danger. We can get along fine entertaining ourselves. Our jobs aren't done yet."

Steve looked at Bucky. "Your girlfriend just laid down the law."

"She's good at that," Bucky said. He stayed quiet, watching the others disperse with the hint, then looked at Steve. "Now what?" He hoped Steve had an idea, or otherwise he might go ask Bruce for an Ativan to knock him out. He felt like crying and he wasn't interested in actually doing it. He needed a distraction.

Steve looked thoughtful for a moment, and Bucky could see the little hamster wheel in his head running at full speed. "You know, I never did get to see Snow White in color," he said.

That got a very confused stare out of Bucky. "We're going to die in the next couple days and you want to watch Snow White?"

"Yeah, why not?" Steve said, giving Bucky a smile that was a bit weak, but the attempt behind it was something.

Bucky didn't answer at first, the absurdity of the suggestion standing in the way of him and a protest. It wasn't a protest that ultimately formed, but a very boggled question. "All this time, and you haven't seen Snow White in color?"

Steve shook his head. "Didn't seem right to watch it without you. So I never did."

Bucky gave him a tired look. "You know, this is why we get called an old married couple. All right, let's go get out of the uniforms and watch Snow White."


	7. Comfortable Liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep. I just sent my best friend to die."

_time spent wading off shore_   
_the calm before the storm_   
_my take from you is simple_   
_so heal your fear_   
_to heal your fear_   
_**you're such a comfortable liar** _   
-Chevelle

Boston was a five hour drive, easily, and it was tourist season, so they made plans to leave by ten that next morning to account for traffic and construction. There was also the consideration of the airport itself, a madhouse of missed turns and tunnels in what amounted to a one-way loop.

Steve and Bucky had slept on the couches that night before; they hadn't even had to suggest it to each other, they just automatically knew they'd need to. Steve was about to leave on a very dangerous part of the mission and it'd been Bucky's idea. Both of them were scared, though neither admitted it.

Maria was going with to drive him; Steve had refused to let Bucky drive when he wasn't in a good mindset. The last thing they needed was a wreck because Bucky was lost in his own head. They all knew that even if that invitation hadn't been explicitly extended to Bucky, nothing short of God himself was going to keep Bucky from seeing Steve off at the airport.

The only argument about the arrangement was that Maria wanted to stay a few hours at a hotel after dropping Steve off. "Bucky, if I drive us there through heavy traffic and construction, driving immediately home, even allowing for time to stop and eat, will put me driving fourteen hours in one stretch."

Bucky opened his mouth to argue, but she didn't give him an inch to take a mile. "You and Steve aren't the only ones with stressful roles in this mission." She could've stopped there, the reminder of the mission enough to convince Bucky, but she had more to say. "If you want me to be awake and rested to fly to Jericho tomorrow, I have to have a break at some point in this trip. I've already called ahead and used the Stark name to get us a place with room service so that we don't have to go out to eat. It's done, the room's reserved, I need the rest. And you can't deny that you will, too. Too much hangs on us being in top condition to push farther than we can go."

At that point, Maria had put her foot down, and made several points that Bucky couldn't and didn't even want to argue with, so he consented.

That next morning, Bucky made up a 'late' breakfast- only late by their standards -while Steve showered and finished packing. Steve had expressed a lack of interest in food, but once reminded of just how long it'd be before he got any food (and no, they weren't stopping for fast food on the way to Boston), he relented, leaving Bucky to the kitchen while he showered.

Breakfast consisted of the hashbrowns that had earned a five star opinion from Tony, a dish that was one of Steve's favorites. Sausage and eggs for protein, and toast just because you couldn't have eggs without toast. At least according to Tony. Bucky had decided that he sometimes wasn't wrong.

Neither spoke as the food was dished up, Steve's suitcase by the hall, a reminder that Steve would be out the door after the food was done.

They met Maria down in the garage at nine fifty-one on the dot, and except for Maria to inquire if Steve had everything he needed, they didn't really say anything. Maria seemed to think nothing strange about Bucky and Steve both sitting in the back, leaving the front passenger seat empty. If she saw them holding hands like a pair of frightened kids, she didn't say anything about that, either.

It was five-thirty when they got to the airport, almost too late with how long security could be. Maria handed Steve a wallet and passport. "Here are your papers, John," she said.

Steve didn't ask questions, just handed over his own wallet with his real information in it and took the one Maria gave him, the one with all of John Stiles's information that would get him to Israel. He took a deep breath, staring at the fake passport, then looked at them. "I'll see you two in a couple days," he said, some confidence forcibly shoved into the tone. He'd had time to wake up and get food into him, he was inching back towards his previous attitude towards this dumb plan.

"We'd better," Bucky said.

Steve set down his suitcase and pulled Bucky into a hug, one that promised things would be okay.

Bucky clung to it for a moment, then pulled away and picked up Steve's suitcase to give to him. "Don't miss your flight."

Neither he nor Maria said anything as they watched Steve disappear into the crowd on his way to his gate. Bucky lingered, wanting to chase after him and change the plan, but it was set, they were committed.

Maria took his hand. "Come on," she said gently. "He's doing his part, it's time for both of us to get some more rest before we do ours. You'd do well with some sleep."

Bucky didn't look at her. "I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep. I just sent my best friend to die."

Maria's arm wrapped up over his shoulder, hugging his arm without letting go of his hand. "No, you didn't. We're too good to not get him out of there in time. You need sleep, you're too stressed to think clearly right now. And I need to lay down for awhile. We'll be together, no one's going anywhere."

Finally, Bucky looked away from the crowd and over to Maria. He kissed the side of her head. "You're a wonderful woman, Maria. You're learning to read my mind, though, and that worries me."

A smile managed to form on her face as she looked up at him, small and comforting. "No, no mind reading," she said. "I just know how much you two mean to each other. It wasn't a hard conclusion to come to that you need a chance to rest now before you reengage, or else you'll lose sight of what _we_ need to be doing." She pulled him away from where he was, forcing him to turn away and walk with her. "Let's go. There's stuff to do tomorrow and we need to be focused."

He let her lead him back to her car, watched the passing scenery once back on the road to the hotel. Winding streets, taxis and cars, some going to just where he came from, ready to take an overnight out to save money on a red eye, others going who knew where. It was the dinner hour, and people dominated the streets. Everything seemed so normal for the place and time.

Bucky spent the entire ride trying to convince himself that after this facility was destroyed and Hydra exposed, maybe things could go back to the way they were, governments mad at them, but still willing to hire, a secure home in the safest building in the world, friends and family close by.

It was probably just fear speaking, but something in his gut told him that wasn't going to happen.

Hell, he was more tired than he thought; he felt as if he was coming down from an episode. No real shock if he was. He'd spent the whole trip jittery and thoughts bundling up in his head.

Once at the hotel, he followed Maria up the elevator to their room, worry chewing at his gut and making him want to skip dinner. His mind was too full of feelings of impending disaster and dark colors and the occasional hum of music, all of which would take him days to translate into words. None of it allowed for conversation, nor would it make sleep easy.

The crash from the low grade, ongoing episode that had plagued him without his awareness since the time he woke up that morning started hitting him hard once they'd gotten to to the room; Maria adjusted the temperature in the room to suit Bucky's need for warmth when his ability to handle stress had hit its limit. He offered to let her have it cooler, but she declined.

"I'm more worried about your comfort," she said. "This is your mission. I can always ask Sharon to fly for us tomorrow morning and get some extra rest then if the temperature disturbs my sleep. But before you worry about any of that, you need to eat. We both do."

"You say it's my mission, but you're the one doing all the ordering around here," he grumped.

She smiled. "My job is to make sure you're capable of doing yours. Right now, you need food, and a chance to sleep. We'll leave at two, be home at seven, seven-thirty, assuming the overnight hours put traffic on our side. We'll take in another small meal, and then suit up and meet the others at the landing pad to go get a winch and cable installed. We'll both likely want to rest on the jet, as well."

Feeling marginally better to hear a plan mapped out so well, he became a bit more focused. "Speaking of getting new toys for this mission, what about that coat you guys had made for me?

"You'll get it once we're in Palestine. It's too hot to wear unless in a cold environment or if your arm needs to be hidden."

"Because my usual uniform isn't all black and where is this testing ground?"

"New Mexico."

"You're taking me to New Mexico in a uniform that covers every square inch of me but my heat conducting metal arm."

She smiled. "You already sound better. I'll call for room service."

Step one of the mission was complete. The team member knew his part, Bucky knew his own. Now was time for him to put himself into condition to do it. That meant eating, and then getting some rest. Maria noted how shaky he seemed, and he was forced to wave it off as nerves without further explanation. She didn't ask for any.

They did manage to get home before eight, though barely. They decided to eat at their own apartments, both with uncertain appetites that would dictate what and how much they made. 

Bucky's apartment was empty when he got there. No Steve waiting up for him, no sign of his art books or paints on the table. The place almost looked the way it did when they first moved in. It was only the presence of various notebooks and sketchbooks on the bookcase and the small box of tools and a table easel next to it that betrayed that anyone actually lived there.

The hallway beckoned, the bathroom promising a quick shower, probably one last chance to shave for a few days, and a chance to brush his teeth after having forgotten to take a toothbrush to the hotel with him. He followed the siren's call of all three, deciding they were a higher priority for his health than breakfast.

Upon leaving the bathroom, he stopped and stared at the bedrooms, side by side, across the hall from the bathroom and laundry room.

Steve's was the back bedroom, meticulously clean, bed always made, except the scattering of books by the headboard of his bed. By contrast, Bucky's floor was clean, but he never made his bed.

Bucky didn't go to his own bedroom, not right away, heading into Steve's. He paused just long enough to pick up the books before walking to Steve's closet. The new Captain America uniform hung in the back corner, unworn but once, helmet up on the shelf above the clothing rod, and shield against the wall beside his boots. Bucky took hold of the sleeve of the uniform, feeling the comfortable texture of the cloth with his flesh hand.

Bucky was going out in uniform without his partner.

"If I believed in you," Bucky said, voice quiet as if not wanting to disturb someone sleeping, "I'd beg you to watch out for him. But since you're a fairy tale, I guess it's up to me."

He had a feeling that praying would be more comforting if he believed in a god to pray to.

Since it did nothing to calm his fears, he switched his mind back to mission mode, not entirely sinking into the Winter Soldier, but wading in enough to walk away from Steve's room, to change into his uniform, to pull on the face mask and goggles. He knew that for a simple rendezvous and trip with teammates didn't require them, but it made it easier for him. He was the Winter Soldier, he had a mission. He needed all of his resources immediately accessible at all times.

The girls were in their uniforms when he joined them in the penthouse. Bruce was running late, getting one last thing done. Neither of the women said anything about just how totally in uniform he was, nor his silence. Maria might've had an idea, possibly knew that he was simply in mission mode, not that he'd called on his years as the Winter Soldier to slip into a completely different mindset, but she understood just enough to keep quiet. Sharon seemed to just be following Maria's example, not saying anything, although she flashed him an odd look or two.

Smart woman. She wouldn't have gotten much of an answer out of him.

Bruce finally showed up a few minutes later, in pants loose enough that the Soldier, quickly overtaking Bucky completely, could assume would fit the other guy if he was needed, and a shirt that Bruce probably wouldn't care if it got torn in the transition process. He had his lab coat draped over one arm, and a USB stick of some kind in his hand.

"Sorry I'm late," he said upon entering, then paused, looking at the Soldier. The Soldier gave him silence in return. Bruce cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I had a few last minute touches to put on this." He held up the USB to show it to the others.

"What is it?" the Soldier asked in an almost too flat tone.

Bruce seemed relieved. "Oh good, you talk while that's on," he said. "I wondered after the call. You uh, you didn't talk until you'd taken the face gear off. Thought maybe there was some reason for that."

Neither the Soldier nor Bucky decided to dignify that. Bucky didn't feel up for explaining his mission mindset, the Soldier's presence. Of everyone, Bruce would understand the most, but he just didn't want that conversation if he could avoid it.

"What's is it?" the Soldier asked again, a little annoyed at having to.

Bruce's relief disappeared. "That's what you're going to use to wipe copies of the project files from the records in the base," he explained in his best 'I just work here' voice. "When we get in the air, I'll upload a copy of Junior into it. All you have to do is plug it into any of their computers and she'll search and destroy. Unless there's a lot of computers in there with all the files, it shouldn't take long."

The Soldier made a noise of acknowledgement, but said nothing, no asking for how it worked beyond 'plug it in', no asking who made it, Bruce or Tony. Nothing but that noise.

Bruce took a deep breath, a little unnerved by the silence. "Anyway, we should go. Who's flying?"

"I am," Sharon said. "Maria and Bucky were both up to take Steve to the airport last night, they haven't gotten much sleep, and you have work to do."

"I suppose that makes sense," Bruce said, shooting an occasional glance at Bucky.

Maria seemed to be the only one he wasn't making nervous, and he knew she was just hiding it well. His intimidating silence during the call yesterday had been an act. Now was not an act. Now was a mission that required his focus, or his best friend would die. It was time for the Soldier, not Bucky Barnes.

At Sharon's prompting, they boarded the jet. Sharon took to the pilot's seat, and the other three strapped themselves into the seats that surrounded the central computers, waiting for Sharon to get them safely in the air before any of them moved from those spots.

Once airborne and flying steady, Maria and Bruce unbuckled, Bruce moving immediately to a computer terminal near the front of the passenger area. Maria approached the Soldier, almost as if approaching a dangerous animal. "I can put your gear away for you," she said.

For a moment, all he could do was stare up at her, although she probably couldn't tell if his eyes were focused on her or not behind the goggles. Bucky shook his head. "No," he said. "I need this."

She wasn't quite understanding. "That's not going to be comfortable to rest in. There's no need to defend ourselves in the jet."

Bucky and the Soldier argued back and forth a bit, each trying to at least come up with an explanation for the Soldier's presence that Maria would understand. Well, may as well sound like they were crazy, it was the best that Bucky's thought process could do, and the Soldier didn't know any other way of answering. "The Soldier's the only one that can get Steve out of there. I need him."

Maria crouched by him before leaning forward to look past Bucky at Bruce. "Is this like him?" she asked.

Bucky looked back at Bruce briefly. "No. The other guy is an actual person separate from Bruce." He looked back at Maria. The conversation he hadn't wanted to have was shoving itself in his face. He'd had this conversation with Tony already, a year and a half before, and he thought he had some of it crammed into Steve's brain, but he also had a feeling Steve had some denial he was still living in.

And now he had to figure out how to say it again, this time with someone who he'd never wanted to see the weapon, someone he wanted to be nothing more than the person for. But he needed the Soldier for this mission, it was the only way he could see to keep Steve alive, so he had to do it all over again. But she required different handling than Tony, so while she waited patiently, he struggled to pull sentences out of the chaotic mess in his brain.

"The Winter Soldier isn't a separate person from me," he finally said, glancing back at Bruce briefly, who didn't seem to hear him. Good. He looked at Maria. "He's part of me, even if I can't call myself both him and Bucky at the same time."

"Disassociation."

He winced. She'd hit that little nail pretty hard. "Something like that. But he's still me. He's just a side of me that I never wanted and can't get rid of. When we got out of Hydra, we got out together and never really separated. He's a killer. He's got very few morals that would stop him from completing a mission and those aren't even his morals, they're mine. That's why right now, I need him. Don't take him personally."

He waited for a response, feeling sick to his stomach and sick to his heart that she wouldn't understand, or would change her mind about how much of Hydra she actually wanted in her life if she did.

With great care, Maria reached up and took his face mask and goggles from him, and he held perfectly still, waiting for either acceptance or rejection. She gently put the gear on his lap and reached up, kissing him on the cheek. "As long as we get Bucky back."

The ease with which she said that settled his nerves. For the moment at least, she was accepting. So he took a deep breath, forcing out an acknowledgement that his brain was scrambling to give. "You will. The Soldier is how I protect people. Just let him do his work."

"Then we'll yield to his decisions," Maria said. "He has more experience at this than any of us." She stood. "Get some rest. There's not going to be a lot of chance for it later."

"You too." He pulled his face gear back on and leaned his head back against the central pillar and drifted off.

It was the jet slowing to a hovering stop that woke him, and he looked around the corner of the pillar to see Maria strapped into her seat, snapping awake seconds after him. He looked around the other side to Bruce, who was buckled in but didn't look like he'd been sleeping.

"You woke up just in time," he said. "We're about to land."

It crossed the Soldier's mind to wonder when the hell they were going to tell him, but quibbling over human alarm clocks was inefficient and a waste of time. They would've woken him at latest once they were successfully landed.

He checked around to Maria again, making sure she wasn't going to drift back off; Bucky knew from experience that if she was jolted awake- usually by a cold hand -she sometimes had trouble not falling right back to sleep. She was trying to stretch as much as possible within the belt straps, which wasn't much, but it was a sign of waking. That meant all three of his comrades were awake and aware and would be ready to get to work once the jet was properly landed.

One less thing to worry about.

They were forced to wait upon landing for technicians to come take the jet to add the needed cable rigging. He didn't know who would've called ahead to make this need known, though he suspected it was Maria, but the technicians already knowing their job made things likely to go faster. The Soldier was patient, as far as he needed to be; Steve would still be in the air over the Atlantic somewhere, far from danger for the moment. He had time before he had to start riding someone's ass to get their job done.

Maria approached him, standing at his side close enough that lowering her voice to where only he could hear was doable. "How should we address you?"

He hadn't expected that. He'd only been referred to by his code name by allies twice since escaping Hydra, back in Kiev, both times by Steve, and that had nearly spooked the Soldier away. This was different, it wasn't Steve talking to him, and it wasn't at a time where Bucky was terrified of the Soldier. "Use my real name," he said, just as low in tone. "I don't care to explain myself to the other two. They don't need to know."

"One suggestion, then. Try to let Bucky interact with Bruce more than you. You and your behaviors might make Bruce nervous and he's the last one we want to make uncomfortable with you."

She made a good point. "Noted."

Company personnel finally met up with them, technicians and a qualified pilot already swarming the jet to start work. Someone the Soldier assumed was in a management capacity met them and informed them that 'the bossman' was inside, waiting for them, and pointed them in the direction of the inner building where, he said, designs were processed and finished to direct the final product.

Upon being questioned as to who 'the bossman' was, they were informed that Tony Stark had decided to pay a visit.

Tony. Why. That's all the Soldier needed, was a pushy and bossy man who understood the difference between the Soldier and Bucky well enough to accidentally out him as to which mindset he'd sunk down into.

He'd better not say anything to Sharon or Bruce. It'd make Bruce uncomfortable, and until Sharon had proven her status as an Avenger instead of an infiltrated government agent, the Soldier wasn't interested in her knowing, either.

Hopefully, he'd be able to corner Tony on the subject privately.

The building had been pointed out to them, and it wasn't hard to navigate. It was built primarily to give engineers room to translate ideas that came out of the Avengers lab into workable reality before the grunt work was passed out to technicians and and mechanics to put the designs together. The Soldier was familiar with such facilities, against his will, and Bucky knew how Tony worked enough to find their way to a work room that Tony had probably claimed as his for when he wasn't at the Tower nor in California.

And people said Bucky stretched himself too thin.

"I was wondering when you guys would get here," Tony said as soon as he'd answered their knock on the work room door. He motioned them in. "I was expecting you about about twenty minutes ago. Was something wrong with the jet?"

"No," Sharon said. "I'm not as good of a pilot as Maria."

Tony looked at Maria. "I'd ask you why you didn't fly, but the bags under your eyes is a good answer."

"It was a long night," Maria said. "What are you doing here? Weren't you in California?"

Tony hopped up on a table. "I was. Then I was called about you guys taking off with the jet and the new uniforms. I figured something was up. I got told you were coming back this way, I decided to drop by and find out what's going on."

"We're dealing with that nest you kicked for us," Bruce said. "Turned out one of the copies got out."

"Shit." Tony looked annoyed. "I was hoping there wouldn't be any hornets in that one. Fill me in."

"There's a Hydra facility in Palestine," Maria said. "We're just going in to get rid of it before it causes problems."

Tony studied the group, pointing his finger around as he did a head count. "Where's Cap?"

"He's already gone ahead," the Soldier finally answered. "He's doing his part of the mission."

Something about the Soldier's words must've prompted something in Tony's brain, an unfortunate understanding that he knew he'd be asked about. It'd be nice if Tony didn't bother at all, but if he had to, the Soldier would pick him up by the scruff of his neck as a warning to not talk about it in front of the others.

Tony pointed at him. "You, I want to talk to. Privately, after you've caught me up on what I'm missing. And I already know you're going to leave out details."

"I will," the Soldier said firmly. "This is my mission, I make those decisions."

"Not sharing that authority with Cap?"

"Steve is not here. I am."

Tony nodded once or twice. "Okay, the rest of you, out. I gotta speak to our buddy here, since he's controlling the information. We don't want him getting upset that someone let slip something he doesn't want me to know."

It was a weak excuse to kick the others out, but it was Tony's private work room, he could kick out whoever he wanted.

Maria took charge of the other two, herding them out. They went without protest, but not without both shooting a curious and worried glance behind them.

Once the door was shut, Tony got right to his point. "So am I speaking to the Soldier, or Bucky?"

"You don't need to ask, you already know."

"Yeah, I do," Tony said. "And that worries me. You're on a mission against Hydra where you're separated from Cap and now you've jumped headfirst into an old mindset that I thought you didn't want to keep and it's clearly affecting how you're interacting with the others."

The Soldier was tired of this conversation and he'd only had to have three times over the course of almost two years. Even with some semblance of practice, it still wasn't his favorite conversation to have. He let Bucky answer, pulling off his goggles. "I need him, Tony. We sent Steve off to potentially die. He can keep Steve safe better than I can."

Tony held up his hands. "Not judging. If you feel he's needed, I'm not going to tell you not to use him. I'm just worried about you coming back from him."

"As long as I can get to Steve in time," Bucky said, although he wasn't entirely sure how much of that was him, and how much was the Soldier.

"Just remind him that you've got other friends who'd miss you and don't want to have to bring you down from a rampage if you don't get there in time."

Bucky couldn't help but take over; talking to Tony was tiring for the Soldier. "Why are you so irritatingly right on this subject?"

Tony shrugged. "Told you, I've talked a lot with Bruce. I get it's not the same, but there's similarities. And speaking of Bruce, you're going to want me to tell him what's up, if you don't do it yourself. The Soldier isn't the most pleasant of people to deal with."

"Maria already recommended I treat him with Bucky."

Tony shook his head. "Not good enough. Not unless you treat them all that way. Bruce doesn't like being singled out, and he'll still feel nervous about you if you don't treat the girls the same way. If you need the Soldier, then Bruce needs to know the difference between you. I'll talk to him. It'll be fine. Just don't let the Soldier neglect the rest of us. We're still your friends."

"You're his, too," Bucky said. "I told you, he's not like the Hulk, he's just-"

"-another personality?"

Bucky gave him the dirtiest look he could. "I do not have multiple personality disorder. The Soldier's just a scar that's not going to go away, so he may as well be useful."

"He's a coping technique."

"That's closer than calling him another personality," Bucky said. "Where the fuck did you get that idea anyway?"

Tony did that sniffing thing that drove Bucky crazy. "Well, we don't call it multiple personality disorder these days. It's called Disassociative Identity Disorder. I was thinking of the disassociation part."

Bucky really thought that people ripping apart his brain was over. Apparently not. "That's what Maria called it."

"She's right, you know," Tony said. "But okay, keep the Soldier. He's creepy as hell, but if he'll protect the team better than you, we'll put up with it."

"You're not coming along, are you?" Bucky asked in alarm. He and the Soldier both could improvise to fit Tony in, they were good at improvising, but if they didn't have to, both would breathe easier. They had a bad feeling about the idea of Tony coming along. Neither could pin down what it was, but it was a bad idea, that much was certain.

Tony's eyebrows raised. "I can't?"

Bucky hesitated. "In theory..." he said, trailing off as he tried to come up with why it felt like a bad idea for Tony to come along. It was that same nagging feeling he'd get when something in the back of his head knew something the rest of him didn't. "The plan has been worked on for the last week," he finally said. "Finding room for another person would be difficult." That last bit was the Soldier coming to Bucky's rescue.

Tony seemed to catch that. "Then I'll take my suit over to the Tower and sit on standby. I'd rather go, but if the plan's that carefully detailed, it's not worth endangering Cap just to dive into this headfirst." Then he gave Bucky a stern look. "If I'm needed, someone had better contact me right away. I'm not gonna sit by when I'm needed."

"You'll be notified," Bucky said, already slipping back into the Soldier's mind. He thought he sensed that Tony was about to give up the conversation.

Tony, for his part, didn't appear impressed that the Soldier had just answered him, but he didn't say anything on it. "Okay, before I tell you to go ride someone's ass in the hanger to get that winch and cable installed, tell me this. Who got those records that tipped you off about this base?"

Okay, so the conversation wasn't done. But this was mission briefing that the Soldier could do, as long as Tony didn't get too irritating.

"Someone in the Israeli Knesset."

Tony let out an impressive swear. "So the nest I kicked not only had hornets, it had Japanese hornets." He tapped his chin with his fist. "Okay, what're we going to do with that information?"

"Release what we can find to indict them."

"So you're helping to kick the nest. I hate you all." Tony slumped on the counter, propping one elbow on his knee and his chin in his hand. "Okay, I'll start evacuating people who can't get out on their own, your brother, Sam, Maria's dad."

There. That was what that bad feeling was. Tony could help at the facility, sure, but he was the only one who could evacuate people that might feel the fallout of the bomb they were dropping on the Middle East.

"If the Avengers have to protect Israel while Hydra is flushed from their government, you'll want Sam as an active combatant," the Soldier said. "He's very skilled with the flight pack and his guns. We'd need every fighter we could spare."

"Excellent idea. I've been working on those wings, Cap asked me to. Probably had the same thought you did."

Tony paused, looking to say more, so the Soldier and Bucky stayed quiet and let him talk. "But I'll get the others to where Hydra can't find them. We'll talk about us evacuating the Tower once we see how much damage taking out Hydra from the Israeli government causes. If it's something we can contain minimally, we'll stick around." He trailed off for a moment. "If not, I have a place I can hide the team, do our work from a less exposed place."

Tony straightened, giving them a hard stare. "Just for the love of god, don't let an Avenger die in Palestine."

"We've already discussed this at the Tower," the Soldier said. "We understand the conflict it would cause."

"If you wanna call a world war a conflict," Tony said with a derisive snort. "How about we just don't let an Avenger die at all? I'm fond of you jerks."

"And we tolerate you."

Tony scowled. "I don't like the Soldier. He's not flattering. Go on, get out of here. The hanger's back around the side of the building. Send in Bruce, I'll talk to him." He looked over at the Soldier. "What about Sharon?"

"Let her wonder," the Soldier said. "I want her to prove we can trust her before she knows any personal details."

"Another reason you're right about me not going," Tony said. "Give her a chance to be part of the action this time without me stealing the glory. We'll see where she falls."

"You don't trust her either?"

"I'm neutral," Tony said. "I like her, she's been good for Cap and his better half." Tony motioned at the Soldier at that. Ah, Bucky was the better half, despite the lack of romantic connection. The Soldier filed that in the back of Bucky's mind in case that term came up again. "Maria and Bruce seem to be friends with her too. But I know how government agencies work. I'd would've thought you'd trust her, but this mission and her resignation came with bad timing to each other, you're probably thinking the same thing. I took a chance, giving her that uniform. I want to see if she deserved that chance." He sat back, propped up by his arms. "So I guess I stay behind and let you decide if it was a good one to give her."

"I'll give you a report as soon as I have something to report."

Tony wrinkled his nose. "Get out of here."

The Soldier obeyed, not out of deference to Tony as a member of the Avengers, but because the room was his private room, and the Soldier's welcome had been revoked. He pulled his goggles back on, then stepped outside, looking at the others sitting in chairs scattered about the hallway. "Stark wants to talk to you, Banner."

Oops. That didn't sound at all like Bucky. Well, Bruce would understand soon enough.

Bruce did seem a bit off-guard by the tone, possibly by the invitation to speak privately right after Tony was done with the Soldier, but he stood. "I'll try to keep him on topic," Bruce said. "He starts rambling when he's talking to me."

Maria raised an eyebrow. "You're actually going to try to stop him?"

Looking more comfortable with Maria's quip, he smiled. "We're on a time table, that'll help." Then he disappeared into Tony's work room, shutting the door behind him.

Sharon looked at Maria. "Are we next?" she asked. "He wouldn't try to get details from all of us individually, would he? That seems like pitting us against each other."

Maria shook her head, glancing at the Soldier as he left the room. "No, he's not. I doubt he'll need to talk to you or I at all." The Soldier stayed just outside the doorway, pressed against the wall and listening in. "Bucky's in charge of this mission, Tony probably just wanted to know at least minimally what's going on. I'd be surprised if he didn't try to get in on things."

"It'd be helpful to have Iron Man out with us," Sharon said in admission.

"It would," Maria said. "But I suspect Bucky told him no, if it was asked. You've seen him the last week, this plan is down to details, depending on what we find when we get there. Adding in a new wild card might throw everything off. I'd make the same call in his position."

There was a sigh from Sharon. "Which is why I don't ever want to head a mission. I'm good at being a bodyguard, but leadership isn't my strong suit."

"It's not Bruce's, either. I can step up when needed, but I work better as a second in command. It's what I've done for years, it's what's comfortable for me."

"What about Bucky?"

Maria seemed to hesitate. "I think it depends on the situation," she said, tone careful. "He's told me stories about the Howling Commandos, there were times he took over the mission over Steve's head because Steve's plan wasn't up to his standards."

"Is that why he's been acting weird since this morning?"

A pause. "Sharon, he's been asleep most of the morning."

"I meant with keeping his face gear on. Who sleeps like that?"

"Someone who wants all his resources immediately available. I doubt he thought there'd be trouble in the jet, but..." That cautiousness came back. "He's scared, Sharon. I know you're close to Steve, but nobody will ever mean as much to Steve as Bucky, and vice versa."

"I know." Sharon didn't sound like that bothered her. "I kinda got that from listening to Steve and watching them interact. I guess I just didn't think Bucky'd start acting-"

"Like a soldier?" Maria finished, sounding vaguely amused. "Sharon, he _is_ a soldier. You should know like anyone else who's worked in the government, part of you never leaves that behind. He's scared, focusing on the mission is helping him stay in one piece. We won't see it, but I'd be surprised if he didn't have a meltdown at Steve once this is over. Don't take him personally, just go with it."

Maria, you wonderful, smooth-talking woman. If Sharon didn't buy that, the Soldier would be surprised. Maria wasn't saying anything dishonest- the Soldier knew he'd only been called on for this job because of Bucky's fear at failing a mission that he knew the Soldier could do better.

Deciding that Sharon wasn't going to need any more explanation than she'd gotten, the Soldier left to go put some fear in the technicians to be quick and efficient about that winch and cable.


	8. In The Mercy Of Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By two-thirty, he hadn't given up, but an idea had occurred to him and he approached Bruce, walking quietly enough to not wake the girls, but not silent as to startle Bruce. It took Bruce a moment, but before the Soldier could even tap him on the arm, he lifted his head and stared up at the Soldier with heavy lids and crossed eyes. "You need something."
> 
> "The methylphenidate-C," the Soldier replied. "Did you bring any?"
> 
> Bruce continued to give him that not awake look, before sitting up and blinking a few times until his eyes uncrossed. "Yeah, I did. I have Steve's bottle, in case he needs a sedative. I still don't understand why it does that to him." He looked up at the Soldier "How many do you need?"
> 
> "Enough to get me through today and tonight," the Soldier replied.
> 
> Bruce dug around in the cabinet with the medicines, finally pulling out the right pill bottle. "We could sleep in rotations," he said. "Give you a chance to rest." He handed the pills over. "Don't overdose, the last thing we need is the Winter Soldier buzzing around like an overstimulated humming bird."

_but now someone's entered_   
_the walls are defied_   
_the shadows they watched_   
_while the dark sympathized_   
_but there in the silence_   
_there in the silence_   
_there in the silence_   
_something hides_   
_something lies_   
_**something dies** _   
-Savatage

They tested the strength of the cable and winch a few times before declaring it safe for the Soldier's use. The winch was built by Stark engineers, there was little surprise that it held, and the cable was industrial steel, strong enough to lift a car, there was no problem holding his weight.

Unlike the so-called industrial pipes in Kiev.

It hadn't taken long to install the winch, an hour at most, and another half hour of testing, then they were back in the air with a cautious goodbye to Tony. The Soldier dearly hoped they wouldn't see him again until the mission was over and they were safely back at the Tower. Calling in Iron Man on top of their little group meant that something had gone seriously pear shaped.

The Soldier hated it when plans did that. Fortunately, he actually was good at improvising despite what he let Tony think, a talent of Bucky's that had been perfected through conditioning and chemical enhancements. He just didn't want to.

But Tony was at the Tower, possibly there by the time Sharon had swung the jet over Quebec, their geodesic taking them through the eastern parts of Canada, a brief pause in Greenland for Maria and Sharon to switch places, then on down to northern Europe.

The Soldier marked the time. Steve had left the night before, and would have arrived at three in the afternoon IDT, barring no delays back in Boston. The Avengers had left for New Mexico just past noon on that second day. It was night, or rather, very early morning, when they arrived on the third day at approximately two-thirty in the morning IDT. If that counted as morning beyond a technicality. They reached Jericho just hours before Steve would be woken and put on the truck. That gave them almost a full day to do a fly over of the facility before finding a place to hide and wait for sundown, when Steve would arrive.

The airspace over Israel and Palestine (and some of the surrounding countries) was a nightmare to navigate; even with Junior throwing out false radar returns and the other shielding the quinjet had, the Soldier was on edge as Maria flew them near Tell es-Sultan. Part of Junior's processing power was thrown into take surveillance pictures. Two fly-bys were the most they chanced, flying off and landing a few miles away, far enough to not interfere with regular security, but close enough to get the Soldier into the facility when the volunteers arrived. When Steve arrived.

That would be cutting it close. Very close. But Steve was more likely to be overlooked if the Soldier was already inside, creating virtual hell in their computer systems. The Soldier would have to be fast.

While Maria took their second fly by, and with Sharon occupied with the information coming in from Junior's computers, Bruce seemed to see it as an opportunity to speak with the Soldier alone.

"Here," Bruce said, and the Soldier looked up from his place at the weapons storage where he had been switching out some of his noise making guns for a few more silent combat knives. Bruce was holding a black coat that looked similar to one he'd worn time to time with Hydra, though equipped with a pair of knife holsters sticking out of the bottom, snaps on them to hold the knives in until needed. "This is the coat they designed for you," he said, watching the Soldier, confusion on his face."You're going to need it."

The Soldier finished putting his guns away, then stood, taking the coat from Bruce and giving it a look over. "I recognize the design."

"I'm not surprised," Bruce said. "We stole Hydra's original design. It works the same, just with your liquid armor in it instead of kevlar and nomex."

The Soldier frowned. "How?"

"What, how we found the design? Tony traced back to the sources that had released information on your affiliation with Hydra and stole some information. After he'd calmed down enough to do it."

Oh, hi guilt, want to help set nerves on edge?

Bruce interrupted any attempt at thoughts in the Soldier's head. "Mind taking the face gear off? I want to talk to Bucky. But before that, why did you trade out all your guns? That doesn't seem smart to me."

Resisting a heavy sigh, Bucky set down the coat and removed his face gear, setting them beside the coat. He sat down next to it. "I had an idea. I know originally Steve and I were supposed to get out together, but I want him running for the exit first."

"Why?"

"Because if he makes noise and I don't, I can get into Hydra's system and trash every copy of the Winter Soldier files. I know Steve would hate me for this idea, but the Winter Soldier Project is my responsibility, from beginning to end. I have to be the one to clear the place, and I need to not get caught doing it."

Bruce took in a deep breath. "That's not going to make him happy. And he probably won't listen."

"I'll be going in the back door, he'll be at the front door," Bucky pointed out. "I'll be done and out before he could find me, so he's just shit out of luck. Those files are my responsibility."

"The Soldier's a pretty heavy burden to bear alone, you know," Bruce said.

"I know, but it's my head he's in." Then he looked at Bruce. "And speaking of, you had something to say about him."

Bruce glanced at Sharon, who was still busy, then sat down across from Bucky. "I do," he said. "I understand. I know it's different, but I still understand." Before Bucky could ask why the conversation needed to be had, Bruce continued. "I just want to make sure the Soldier and the other guy are gonna get along if he has to join us."

Bucky looked down at the face mask next to him. "The Soldier isn't a separate person, I make the last calls. I just need him for this mission. He's done these missions before, I haven't. He's not going to do anything to upset the other guy. Even if he were a different person, he's not stupid."

Bruce snorted out a quiet chuckle, then checked again on Sharon. She was still mostly occupied with the computers, but she was starting to glance back at them every now and then. Bucky frowned. Bruce waved her concern off, and she went back to the computers. "That's good to hear, but that's not what I mean. The other guy has somewhat learned to distinguish between people who go smash and those who don't. Bucky's one of the ones we don't smash. The other guy's already proven that he'll actively save an ally's life. I just wanted to make sure that he'd be able to tell the difference between you two."

Bucky fiddled with the catches on his tactical gear to change into the coat. "He can't tell by sight?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bruce shrug. "In theory, but we've never been able to see how he reacts to someone he recognizes behaving in an unfamiliar way. I take enough chances with him. I'm taking a big one bringing him here. He's not going to listen to an explanation that's not given in advance."

Fair enough. Bucky stripped off the tactical gear and rubbed the forearm of his metal arm, still exposed by the simple turtleneck he wore under his gear. "Then I'll handle him. He knows me, and the Soldier's just a tool. I might listen to his instructions, but I'll be the one handling the big guy if he joins me inside the facility. If things go that badly, neither the Soldier nor I want things going even worse because the Soldier and the other guy can't get along. He'll yield to me."

Bruce sat back a bit, back straighter, watching as Bucky pulled on the coat. "That's all we needed to know." Then he motioned to Bucky to stand. "Get up, let's see how that fits. Tony really admired your formula for that stuff."

Bucky stood, finishing zipping up the coat and adjusting its collar around his shirt's, leaving almost nothing of his neck exposed. "It fits at least," he said. "I'm going to be dripping sweat in this, but it seems serviceable." He flexed his left arm. "Keeps this thing hidden."

Bruce grabbed Bucky's face gear and got up. "That was the point," he said, then held out the goggles and mask. "Okay, Soldier. We have new information to go over. You're in charge."

Bucky took the face gear, then looked at Bruce. "You people are too accepting of this shit."

That got a smile that was at once pained and very amused. "You're saying this to me?"

"I know your excuse," Bucky said. "But the others are nuts to accept this kind of insanity."

"It's not insanity, Bucky," Bruce said. "I'm not a psychiatrist, but I've listened to my teammates, watched how they worked. You're not crazy, you're just protecting yourself and those around you from the people who put him in there. Nothing wrong with that."

"Hey, guys?" Sharon said, interrupting whatever might've been said further. "We're about to land, Junior's almost got everything from our fly-bys processed. We're going to need to look at this stuff to know how to move in there."

Mission planning. The Soldier took back over as followed Bruce to the computer console that Sharon was at. He rested a hand against the wall for bracing as the quinjet quietly turned around in its spot and set down, then pulled his face gear back on, fully immersing himself into his old training.

Maria joined them seconds later. "What do we have, Junior?"

The Soldier was actually expecting to hear an accent from Junior that would make one think of a cat, but she spoke in clear American English when she replied with "there's a back up generator on the back side of the base. The main arc reactor is towards the front of the base, about one hundred yards to the west of the front door. The entrance to it is hidden behind part of the excavation signs into the ruins themselves."

"How long do the back up generators take to boot up?" the Soldier asked.

"I can't say for sure," Junior replied. "They looked poorly maintained, but that may not mean anything. I'm guessing no more than thirty seconds, though."

The Soldier looked at Maria. "How long can we stay above the facility before being spotted?"

Maria glanced back towards the cockpit, quiet as if doing the mental math, then looked back at him. "With the engines on silent and Junior putting all her processing power into keeping us hidden? As close as we'd have to be, I'd say fifteen seconds, maybe twenty before we chance being spotted. We'll have to already be in the air."

"If we're counting on a dead facility before the back ups kick in, one of us is going to have to go knock out the arc reactor," Sharon pointed out.

"I'll do that," Bruce said. "Bucky's gotta get inside, and I know more about the mechanisms behind the arc reactor. I can shut it down easily."

Sharon turned in her seat. "Bruce, you out there alone against potential Hydra guards? You're going to need a bodyguard, or the other guy is going to just smash the whole place down. I know we'd all love him to, but not until after we have Steve and Bucky out of there."

"Then go with him," the Soldier said. Sharon looked at him, blinking wide brown eyes like he'd just told her exactly what he told her and she wasn't sure she'd heard right. "You're a bodyguard, that's been your profession before you knew about Hydra. Keep him safe so that the other guy doesn't feel the need to interfere. You don't all three need to be in the jet when I go in through the back door."

"He's right," Maria said. "We only need one person in the quinjet until it's time to evacuate. I'm the better pilot. You two are best placed taking down their main power source."

"Where do we go after that?" Sharon said. "They'll come looking to see what happened."

"If I can make a suggestion," Junior interrupted, and she almost-but-not-quite reminded the Soldier of JARVIS, as if she were a younger sibling. "The arc reactor is stored in part of the excavated ruins. The ruins are extensive, and I didn't see signs of anyone past the perimeter of the facility. It wouldn't be hard to get to another part of the site before you're caught."

Sharon glanced a Bruce. "What do you think? Can we move that fast?"

"We may not have a choice," Bruce said. "The question is if that'd still put us in easy pick up range after Bucky gets that information and gets out with Steve."

Maria raised an eyebrow at him. "With the right pilot."

Bruce looked a bit embarrassed at that. "Sorry, I wasn't- I didn't mean to insult your skills. I was more thinking do we know how fast Hydra can move?"

"Not fast enough," the Soldier said. "I'm going to be doing more than just shredding the project files, I'm going to have Junior gather up all their information before shorting the system. They'll have plenty of problems to keep them distracted."

"Interesting idea," Bruce said. "When'd you come up with it? I hadn't heard that part of the plan."

"Just now," the Soldier admitted. "We have more information to work with, that means I have to change some details." He looked at Bruce. "We want to make sure this work becomes public. Exposing Hydra in the Israeli government is going to cause a lot of problems, but we won't be able to flush them out without suitable evidence. What we hear over Steve's communicator and what I can grab from the computers should be enough to cast suspicion, if not outright convince the Prime Minister."

Sharon looked up at him over her shoulder. "I didn't realize we'd figured out that she wasn't Hydra."

"We'll know once we're in. If she is, we'll find somewhere else to put the information. Failing all other options, we can give it to Anonymous and let them handle it."

Bruce choked on a laugh. "Anonymous?"

"They have their uses. They're good at what they do, and it may divert attention away from the Avengers so we don't get blamed for it. Tony was already preparing to evacuate us. We can give him less reason to have to."

"I can't fault that reasoning," Maria said.

The Soldier looked through the cockpit at the rising sun. Their fly-bys had been cautious, slow enough to get proper intelligence, but too fast to be detected. All in all, it was somewhere around four thirty in the morning. Steve was up, but not on his way to Jericho. The Soldier would try to raise him on the comm when he estimated Steve would be in the city. He wasn't sure if the communications channel would reach that far, but it would be worth a shot.

The hurry up and wait time set in, and everyone rested off and on, recovering from a long night of flying and preparing for a long night of infiltrating a Hydra facility and collecting information to overturn the entire Israeli government. It'd be a busy night, they were all wise to rest as much as possible.

Maria seemed to stay asleep the easiest. Sharon kept waking for a few seconds now and then, her eyes snapping open before drifting close again. Bruce had his arms crossed on his medical table, face buried against his arms.

As for the Soldier, while he took small naps now and again, he remained mostly alert, occasionally speaking in a whisper into his activated communication chip. He'd wait ten seconds for any sound of reply before settling back down to wait.

By two in the afternoon, even the Soldier was wanting sleep, but with Hydra agents only a couple miles away at most, he couldn't afford to, and his crew needed the rest more than he did. The Hulk aside, they were normal humans, and he was an enhanced super soldier. He could stay awake far longer and easier than they could.

By two-thirty, he hadn't given up, but an idea had occurred to him and he approached Bruce, walking quietly enough to not wake the girls, but not silent as to startle Bruce. It took Bruce a moment, but before the Soldier could even tap him on the arm, he lifted his head and stared up at the Soldier with heavy lids and crossed eyes. "You need something."

"The methylphenidate-C," the Soldier replied. "Did you bring any?"

Bruce continued to give him that not awake look, before sitting up and blinking a few times until his eyes uncrossed. "Yeah, I did. I have Steve's bottle, in case he needs a sedative. I still don't understand why it does that to him." He looked up at the Soldier "How many do you need?"

"Enough to get me through today and tonight," the Soldier replied.

Bruce dug around in the cabinet with the medicines, finally pulling out the right pill bottle. "We could sleep in rotations," he said. "Give you a chance to rest." He handed the pills over. "Don't overdose, the last thing we need is the Winter Soldier buzzing around like an overstimulated humming bird."

The Soldier took the pills, shaking out one and glaring at the size of it. They'd been smart enough to bring two coolers full of cold water, chancing full bladders, but that supply was running low. "We need all of you coherent. I can remain so longer, and I now have chemical help. Bucky's tested it, it works well for us." He didn't dignify the humming bird statement. After handing the pill bottle back to Bruce, he grabbed a bottle out of the cooler and stared at it for a moment. "It occurs to me to recommend everyone take a turn at relieving themselves outside before tonight."

Bruce put the bottle away and watched him take a pill with a healthy swallow of water. "Not a bad idea." He looked over at the sleeping women. "Think we should go in pairs by gender, or one at a time?"

"Pairs. I don't want anyone left alone right now."

"So the buddy system."

"If you choose to call it that."

Bruce took one more look at the women before turning to the Soldier. "Are you sure you trust Sharon? You gave her a heavy job, guarding me."

The Soldier's eyebrows shot up. "You noticed?"

Bruce shrugged. "I was the first to wonder about that. But she's been down in the lab on your off days enough that I think she'll come down on our side. She sure won't come down on Hydra's."

The Soldier looked at Sharon. "Tony mentioned it as well. I have worries. Which is why I paired her off with you. She can't hurt you."

"Good thing," Bruce said. "She and I talk about the other guy quite a bit. If I thought she was going to prioritize the CIA over the Avengers, I wouldn't have answered anything. But she seemed genuinely curious as to what he was like and why he was an obvious ally in New York. Like I said, he can recognize friendlies."

"She's recognizing him as a person."

Bruce nodded. "That's what drove him to save Tony's life, to care at all. I think she's got a decent chance at bringing him down if it's needed. When they wake up, I'll talk to her about it."

"Before you potentially scare her with that burden, I recommend we let the girls find some privacy outside."

Bruce smiled. "Did the Soldier just make a piss joke?"

"I hadn't meant it as a joke," the Soldier said. "You can thank Bucky for that if it came across as such. We're in a rest period, he gets bored."

"It's comforting to hear he's still the same in there," Bruce said. "Let's wake the girls. They can at least take the chance to become more alert while we take our turn."

After everyone had returned, it was more hurry up and wait. Three passed to four. Somewhere in there, Bruce spoke with Sharon. Maria, the one that was going to have to fly them back to the States, decided to go back to sleep.

Five hit and the Soldier decided to try to raise Steve on the comm again. Silence. More hurry up and wait. He snuck another pill past Bruce. More waiting.

Finally, the sun began to turn red as it dipped to the horizon. "Steve?"

Steve's voice finally came on the line, asking who the Soldier presumed to be a Hydra agent how much farther it was. There was background noise, the dull growl of a vehicle that needed work, the sounds of a bumpy road as tires popped and sank along the way. It was followed by an almost clear voice replying to have patience, they were close.

"He's almost here," the Soldier said, getting up from the floor by the hatch. "Everyone wake up."

His team responded sluggishly, eyelids slow to open and eyes equally slow to focus. The Soldier dearly hoped they'd wake up more before it was time to get to work.

Maria was the first to her feet, yawning enough to make her eyes water, then rubbed her hands over her face. "He's almost here?"

"He's in range of the comm units," the Soldier confirmed. "He wasn't told anything useful beyond that."

"But you picked up his transmission, that's all we need," Maria said, moving to the cockpit to turn on Junior's onboard communications system. The background noise that the Soldier was hearing in his ear bled over the speakers, but no clear voices. "Junior, about how far away would you guess them to be?"

"Judging by the quality of the transmission, I would guess about a quarter mile," Junior replied.

Sharon walked over to the weapons storage, retrieving her Glock. "So how long do we give Steve to gather intel before we kick out the lights?"

"As long as possible," the Soldier answered. "We'll listen for signs of the volunteers being split up, knock out power, keep him from being isolated with Hydra scientists." He hoped.

"Allowing Steve to get away to meet up with you," Maria added, somewhat asking for clarification, but stated less as a question.

The Soldier nodded once. "That's the idea," he said, completely lying. He'd push for Steve to get out before he worried about himself. He looked at Bruce and Sharon. "Get what you have to to do your job, then deploy immediately. Make sure you take comms with you, you'll need to hear the signal."

Bruce tapped his right ear where a small comm piece was nestled. "Ahead of you." He looked at Sharon. "Are you ready?"

Sharon holstered her firearm and grabbed a comm. After getting it properly situated in her ear and tested, she gave a thumbs up. "Ready."

Junior opened the back hatch for them and they disappeared into the sunset.

Maria strapped herself into the pilot's seat, starting the engines back up and turning up the volume on the comm system. The Soldier hung over her shoulder to listen in, momentarily ignoring the comm under his ear. He wasn't used to it being there yet, and like his arm, it was going to take some training to have it become instinct.

"Tell us when you're in, Steve," he said. He didn't expect a direct answer, not while he was with other people. So he wasn't surprised when they didn't receive an immediate response. He decided to check on the others. "Bruce, Sharon, update us when you reach the reactor. Steve's not quite here yet, we probably have until dark. Find a place to hide in the meantime."

"I thought we were supposed to charge in," Bruce said, with his dry humor in his voice. "We'll be hiding, don't worry. What signal should we be listening for so we can get into the reactor in time?"

"Steve's going to direct the conversation to gather as much intel as possible. If we hear them confess that the Winter Soldier Project is what they're replicating, or if they confess to being Hydra, either one, I'll call it. We'll be in the air by then. Maria will pick you up once I'm in."

He hoped that Steve heard his instructions; Steve had no way of acknowledging them, not in the presence of Hydra agents.

The sounds of the vehicle stopped, and there was some general talking around Steve. A bit more noise, and then Steve's clear voice saying "It's kind of a dump, isn't it?"

There, he was in. "Get in the air, Maria. Bruce, Sharon, get ready. It won't take Steve long to either succeed or fail at lying."

He had a feeling Steve was trying very hard to not look affronted at the Soldier's accurate accusation.

"These are sacred ruins," someone with a only a trace of an Arabic accent replied.

Right. Because anything but power is sacred to Hydra.

The sounds of the outside died down; Steve must be inside. "So you've hijacked them for human experimentation?" Steve asked, sounding incredulous. Good job, Steve, keep being careful about what you say. For the love of god, don't fuck things up.

Maria turned the quinjet, hovering with engines on silent, all but inching forward to put as little distance between them and that back door as possible. They had less than a minute to get there and get the Soldier in.

"Many here consider it God's work to improve how we can heal the human body," the other voice said. "Don't tell me you're trying to back out. It's too late for that."

"I'm not," Steve said. "Wouldn't mind getting told how likely I am to live so I can see that money I signed up for. Who's funding this place?"

"Volunteers are always so questioning," the man said, as if amused. "Perhaps we should update our offer to avoid these things."

"Probably. That wasn't an answer." Good observation Steve, just don't get to aggressive. Get them to admit they're Hydra before you start smacking them.

"No, I suppose it wasn't, Mister Stiles."

Oh good, Steve had managed to keep that lie up. Bucky's lessons for keeping them alive might just sink in yet.

"So we don't have to worry about running out of funds when I'm halfway up to my eyeballs in drugs?"

"A legitimate worry," the man admitted. "As we consider it God's work, we receive funds from some generous donors in Israel."

That placed Hydra in Israel, but not their government. That would probably be in their computer systems, though, and the Soldier could have Junior download them. Too bad Steve hadn't been able to worm a complete confession.

Yet.

"God's chosen people, makes sense I guess," Steve said, and the Soldier could picture him, hands in his pockets, looking around what the Soldier would guess to be sterile white walls as they went down halls from the entrance to wherever the volunteers were directed before experimentation started. "So what medicine are we testing? What's it do?"

"It's an old project," the man replied. "One we hope would enhance the human body to peak performance."

"Like what was done to Captain America?" Steve asked and the Soldier almost facepalmed. Great, Steve, just bring up your code name around Hydra agents and hope that wouldn't give away your identity as not!John Stiles. Smooth, Rogers.

The Soldier could tell by the Hydra agent's tone that if he hadn't figured it out before, he now knew he was dealing with Steve Rogers and not some schmuck named John Stiles. "More like the Winter Soldier Project. You are dealing with Hydra, gentlemen, I hope none of you expected to leave."

"Go," the Soldier said, not bothered by Maria's sudden acceleration as she flew them to the facility, holding his balance all the way back to the hatch. He readied the winch and cable.

The base went dark. "Good work, you two," he said in the comm to Bruce and Sharon. "Get out of there."

Their acknowledgement was drowned out by Steve. "What happened to the lights?" He wasn't the only person the Soldier picked up saying over his comm. Steve sounded genuinely surprised. How, the Soldier didn't know- unless he wasn't paying attention, he'd heard their plan.

Damnit, Steve.

He didn't have to tell Maria or Junior to open the hatch, one or the other of them already had it opening. The Soldier slipped a foot into the loop at the end of the cable and dropped out of the jet, the winch letting out cable at an almost dangerous rate. He hit the end of the cable, the cable jerking taut, took a second to judge if he could make that drop and not damage something, and then pulled his foot free and let go, falling nearly the length of a football field onto the ground.

The landing was a bit rough, tucking himself into a roll at the last second, aiming his left arm and shoulder to absorb the worst of the impact. The biomechtium shifted, and the liquid armor in his coat dispersed the energy of his hard landing.

He had another ten seconds before Junior's estimation of how long it'd take for the back up generators to come back on.

There was already one guard posted at the back door, a door that looked like it had an electronic lock. The Soldier would have to get through that before the power kicked in. The guard looked taken by surprise by the Soldier's appearance, probably more focused on why the power went out to notice him drop in until it was too late. The guard fell with a knife to his throat.

The Soldier slipped his knife back in its holster, snapping the holster around the hilt.

Five seconds.

The door was heavy without the automatic opener. A weaker man wouldn't make it. The left arm yanked it open with a metal cracking that sounded the way biting down on aluminum felt.

"I'm in," he said, voice low to avoid spooking Hydra personnel.

"I'm out of range of the base," Maria responded. "Sharon, Bruce, where are you?"

"Hiding in a hole," Sharon replied. "I'm hearing people coming our way. We're going to back off a bit more. Keep us notified."

"Was turning out the lights supposed to be part of the plan?" Steve demanded, finally joining them in the conversation.

"It was after we got here," the Soldier said. "We had to improvise."

"Your improvisations are always interesting, Bucky."

Bzzt. Wrong, but thanks for trying. "You can thank him later. Get out. I'm waiting for the electricity to come back so I can get into the computer systems."

There was a pause on Steve's end, although Maria spoke up. "You're not staying in there alone."

"You're not staying without me," Steve added, voice firm. "Where are you? I'll come keep an eye out for trouble while you work."

Idiot. It took all of the Soldier's willpower not to yell at him. "I said get out, Rogers. I have this."

"You are not stayi-" Steve's voice abruptly cut off as the lights came back on. "Hang on, found trouble."

Fucking figured.

The HUD in the Soldier's goggles lit up the lines of electricity, directing him to some of the larger uses, tracking down the closest computer for him. Steve was momentarily distracted, but if Hydra was focusing on him for the moment, it gave the Soldier a chance to get to that computer and start trashing their systems.

Not that either the Soldier or Bucky liked Steve in trouble without him, but the noises in his ear through the comm chip sounded like Steve was holding his own.

The Soldier only encountered two more personnel, neither armed, and both quickly dead, landing on the floor, one with his head hanging at an awkward angle from having his neck snapped, the other bleeding out of a gaping knife wound to her face.

The first computer station his HUD led him to was in a small office, no entrance or exits save the one door. It didn't provide him with an alternate escape if he was attacked, but at the same time, a group of attackers could only enter one at a time and they wouldn't last long in the doorway. He called it good enough.

"Steve, how's that trouble coming?" Bruce asked, voice clear in the Soldier's ear. "Please tell me we don't need a Code Green."

"Nope, doing fine," Steve said, grunting and yelping from time to time. The Soldier wondered where he was; Bucky wanted to go help, but the Soldier was firm in assuring him that Steve could handle himself, and that they had their own part of the mission to do. Let Steve do his.

Half-tuning out the sounds of Steve's fighting and the occasional check-in from the other three teammates, the Soldier pulled the USB with a copy of Junior in it from one of his pockets on his belt and plugged it into the computer.

Junior snagged her hooks into the facility's system, icons of various file times flew through a pattern in the center of the screen. "Searching for Winter Soldier Project files now."

"Look for signs of other projects and make a copy of them for Bruce to analyze," he told Junior.

"Will do," Junior replied, sounding a bit too enthusiastic about this job. If she was a little sibling to JARVIS, she was trying too hard to be as good as big brother.

Seconds passed. The sound of the fight in his ear became more frantic. More seconds.

"Winter Soldier Project files shredded," Junior said. "Downloading information on other projects. I also found status and financial reports. Should I get them too?"

"Be quick," the Soldier said, looking up at the door with paranoia. He didn't like being in such an enclosed space in an enemy base. His finger began to tap on the desk. It stopped as the sounds of Steve fighting abruptly went silent. "Steve?" No answer. A second attempt went unanswered as well. Maybe his comm wasn't working. "Everyone check in."

"I'm here," Maria said. Sharon and Bruce answered in kind. "I lost Steve's transmissions."

Bucky began to violently swear in his head, and it was all the Soldier could do to rein in the panic. "Junior, how close are you to being done?"

"Almost," Junior said in a tone that indicated she understood the urgency of the situation. "Give me thirty seconds."

Bucky was sure that wasn't enough time to find Steve, not before he got flooded with chemicals or dissected or who knew what Hydra would do to him. The more seconds that ticked by, the more worked up he got. The Soldier held him still, held him at the desk, leaning over the chair, arms taking his weight on the edge of the desk.

"Got it," Junior said. "Information stored."

Outside in the hall somewhere near were the sounds of running footsteps, about a dozen if he counted right. He was out of time. He grabbed the USB, yanking it out of its port. There wasn't even enough time to pocket it before a woman ran into the room, gun aimed.

Shit.

The Soldier ducked down on the other side of the desk, crammed into a small space that would be difficult to defend from. He shoved Junior's USB under the desk, hoping that nobody would find it- there were others he saw behind the woman -until he'd cleared the room of enemy combatants.

Which would be difficult, as at least one of them had a gun and all he had were knives. Maybe leaving the guns behind had been a mistake.

The woman had already let in two more agents, also armed with guns. This wasn't going to be an easy fight. He decided to let Bucky's urgency to get out and get to Steve add more adrenaline to what was already pounding through the body's system.

The Soldier dove out from behind his cover, flinging one of his Yari IIs at the woman with the gun, under her aim and into her belly. He was moving, on his feet and grabbing the desk chair before the other two agents could fire off a shot. He jumped back against the far wall to give himself space, then flung the desk chair with just enough effort to lodge it in the doorway instead of going through it, blocking the route in for the other agents.

Just enough to buy him time.

Another bullet zinged by, his HUD screeching a visual warning as it went perilously close to his face. For the love of god, please don't let him lose another pair of goggles to a lucky shot. These guys weren't even as good as Natasha to make it less embarrassing.

He took mental stock of his weapons- two Mark IIs, one Yari II left, and his SOCP, which was too small to do much in hand to hand. It'd be great for a easier target like a throat, though.

All this had taken a half a second, and he pushed off against the wall to land on the desk, the SOCP already drawn. He dove at the agent closest to the door, landing on his back. His knife found its mark in the base of the man's skull, the man going down with the Soldier's weight on his back.

The Soldier started to move, to grab a Mark II for the last agent in the room, when something sharp hit the back of his thigh. He chucked the Mark II at the last target in the room, clumsier than normal as the force of whatever hit him knocked him down on his elbow. His knife still managed to catch the last agent in the room in the face. The Soldier pushed himself up onto one foot, pulling himself out of view of the door. He reached back with his left hand to check the damage as he twisted himself down to the ground on the other side of the desk.

The mechanical hand bumped up against something and the sting shrieked into more pain than he expected. He rolled onto his side, and glanced up when the chair began to move, becoming dislodged. He didn't have much time.

After getting a grip on whatever his hand had found, he yanked out what proved to be a syringe. Shit. Shit no. He had the presence of mind to throw it to the side; it was empty. Whatever had been in it had all gotten into him. His presence of mind barely held on long enough to realize that it'd been shot from under the chair. That hadn't been as good of a road block as he thought.

"Fuck," he muttered under his breath, trying to pull himself under the desk. It wasn't going to help; whatever had been injected into him was already making his head swim and his hands shake. His stomach wanted to rebel and breathing was hard. Hiding under the desk wasn't going to give him any protection. That shit was already in his system and he was already fading out.

_No, no, don't drag me back there. No, god please no. I need to get Steve out of here._

He heard the chair hit the ground just as his vision went black.


	9. Set Me On Fire And Watch Me Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know, Hydra, if your operatives in these places weren't as accurate as a Storm Trooper, you'd probably save on ammunition.

**'til everything burns**   
_(i touch the fire)_   
**and everyone screams**   
_(and it freezes me)_   
**burning their lies**   
_(i look into it and it's black)_   
**burning my dreams**   
_(why can't i feel)_   
**all of this hate**   
_(my skin should crack and peel)_   
**and all of this pain**   
_(i want the fire back)_   
**i'll burn it all down**   
_(so i will walk through the fire)_   
**as my anger reigns**   
_(and let it burn)_   
**'til everything burns**   
**-Ben Moody**   
_-(Joss Whedon)_

The first thing he noticed upon waking up was that he was laying on something cold and the air around him was also cold. The second thing he noticed were the straps holding his arms down, although they hadn't strapped his feet for some odd reason.

The third thing he noticed was that he had absolutely not a stitch of clothing on, covered only by a hospital blanket as chilly as the room itself.

Fucking Christ, they couldn't even have given him pants? Of course not. They never did.

He still felt lingering weakness from the sedative in his system, so pulling at the straps felt more than his muscles could handle. He closed his eyes, counting to ten, then ordered the computers in his left arm to lift his artificial muscles as much as they could. His stump felt the weakness the rest of him did, but the computers were doing their jobs, and after a few seconds of straining, the strap over his left arm snapped. He reached across and unhooked the right strap, then rolled over, falling to the ground with a hard thunk.

Think, he ordered himself. He couldn't remember what was going on, except that he'd been given a sedative at some point. Where was he again? This was Hydra, wasn't it? This didn't look like any lab he'd ever been to.

Wait. Wait, his brain was starting to remember something, images and feelings and colors dancing around in his head It made him throw up, a whole lot of nothing splattering on the floor in front of him. He coughed and spat, trying to get the taste of vomit out of his mouth. "Steve," he moaned, curling up and calling for- who? Someone who seemed comforting. Someone familiar.

Steve.

That's right, Steve. The others. He was in Palestine, this was a new lab, and they'd hit him with something. Something that had dug into his memory, something that- lucky for him -his body was already rejecting. The effects faded the more he focused on Steve. His brain raced in fear, making him want to hide in the corner and hope no more doctors came for him.

But they had Steve. They could be doing this to Steve right now. His face burned from anger.

Easy. Easy. Find pants first. We're not going to go strangling people around the base completely naked. Don't let yourself be that vulnerable.

Bucky's hot anger and cold fear were causing steam to cloud his vision and the Soldier had to grab him by his ear and force him to search the room for any signs of even scrub pants. It was better than running around naked, for god's sake.

As long as Steve was found and the facility torn down around them, Bucky agreed to yield to the Soldier to get them out.

Good. Now we're getting somewhere.

The weakness gradually faded as the Soldier searched the room, searched the prep room attached to the lab room, and finally located the medical scrubs that the doctors wore. It took him a few tries to find one that fit, and he wasn't going to bother with a shirt. There was no way he'd find one that'd accommodate his mismatched shoulders. He wasn't going to be running around with his dick waving in the air, that was good enough for him.

After tying off the pants to keep them on, Bucky once again yelled at the Soldier to find Steve.

Oh believe me, I want to find him and get out of here too. But if Steve's been captured, there might be armed people around him. Going up against a dozen Hydra agents with just knives had failed, did either of them really believe that going in with just his fists was going to work? He needed his armor and his weapons back.

But Steve's in trouble.

Maybe. Maybe not. He could be looking for us. Settle down.

The idea that Steve might not have been in danger placated Bucky slightly. The urge to find Steve was strong, but the Soldier was right, so he followed orders, letting the Soldier take control again. The pounding in the head seemed to lessen.

Actually, if Steve might be looking for him, he could find out for certain. He consciously turned his chip back on. "Steve?"

No answer.

At least not from Steve.

"Oh thank God," Maria's voice sounded in his ear. "We weren't sure what happened to you two. We can't raise Steve. Where are you?"

Good. He could call them in as back up in finding Steve while he tried to locate his damn clothes and weapons. He just got that coat, he wasn't going to give it up that easily. And Bucky conceded that the Soldier was right. If he had hope of saving Steve, he needed weapons.

"I'm in one of the labs." He looked out the door of the surgical prep area, seeing the door to the lab itself opening. He ducked back. "Hang on, my turn for trouble."

"Bucky-"

He tuned out whatever Maria was about to say, grabbing another pair of scrub pants and unfolding them, grabbing the ends of the legs. Two Hydra solders entered the lab, spoke frantically at each other in Arabic, then one left again, while the second explored the room, looking under counters and the table, side stepping carefully around the puddle of vomit.

Shit. That first one was going to sound an alarm on them. Great. Beautiful. Now what?

Now, we take care of this guy first.

Letting the man finish his rounds, he twisted his hands into the legs of the pants, waiting until the agent opened the door to the scrubs room. There was no warning as he grabbed him, looping the pants around the man's neck and tying the legs tight enough with a complicated knot that would hold tight until the man suffocated. He dropped the struggling man in the prep room, leaving him there to be found later.

Okay, now where the fuck would his clothes be?

"Maria, send in Sharon and Bruce. I need help finding Steve and this place needs torn down. Tell Bruce that if the other guy wanted a chance at Hydra, he's welcome to come smash."

"All right," Maria said. "Sharon, Bruce, did you read that?"

"We're already on our way," Sharon said. "Just in time, Bruce was starting to get antsy."

"Worry about friends makes a person antsy sometimes," Bruce replied. "Get me in there, the other guy will take care of the rest."

Good. The only one who didn't have a job was Maria. "Maria, get that jet to the entrance, be prepared for pick up."

"Give me thirty seconds. I'll join you."

Join- what? "Then who's going to stay with the jet?"

"Junior. I'm not leaving you and Steve in there without helping."

Bucky wanted to throttle the woman, but the Soldier, unbiased against women without Bucky's social training, threatened to grab him by the ear again if he didn't put some faith in Maria. Bucky chewed on his social upbringing and over protectiveness for a few seconds, then dismissed his fears. Maria knew what she was doing.

The place was fucking enormous, the Soldier quickly realizing that he was underground and he had a feeling there might be another basement level or two to get out of before he could get to the ground level.

Must find his weapons and clothes. "Steve?"

No answer.

The Soldier kept Bucky focused, kept reminding him of how much damage they could do to anyone who'd hurt Steve while they found their weapons. Bucky liked the idea far more than a former pacifist should. But he was also the Soldier, as much as the Soldier was Bucky, and there'd always be the other for both of them. 

Weapons. Must find weapons.

He rounded a corner and immediately skidded to a barefooted stop and ducked back against the wall he'd passed around. There were armed men coming towards him, about five in total, two of which were women, and a few bullets had already missed when he got back to cover. There wasn't really any place to hide there, and he still didn't have any weapons and that annoyed him greatly.

But there was more open space than in the office, and there were fewer operatives to fight. He could handle this.

The first man rounded the corner, and the Soldier grabbed the man by the face and flung him against the far wall hard enough that the man's head left a bloody dent behind. He grabbed the man's gun before any more could round the corner.

The second and third operatives appeared. The Soldier shot the first in the face, splattering blood. He shoved the body aside, then reached out and grabbed the gun hand of the third assailant, twisting it to an unnatural angle. The woman shrieked in pain, dropped her gun. The Soldier took advantage of this to pull on her arm, giving him forward momentum to slide under her legs as she went down head first behind him to shoot the last two operatives from a lower angle than they'd be expecting.

They went down. The Soldier reached his arm back without look and shot the injured woman in the back of the head. He dropped that gun, searching through the others for a decent gun that hadn't had a ton of bullets unnecessarily shot. Most of them were Glocks, similar to Sharon's, but only one of them had more than two bullets left, and that had four.

You know, Hydra, if your operatives in these places weren't as accurate as a Storm Trooper, you'd probably save on ammunition.

Oh well. Not every group of Hydra combatants could be Strike teams.

Up above, what sounded like a few stories up, there was the sound of an animal roaring and lots of things getting knocked over. Oh, hi Hulk. Having fun up there? Good. Just don't smash the place down on our heads.

Actually, maybe he should warn them about that.

"Sharon, Maria, try to keep the other guy from collapsing that first floor. I'm several stories down, Steve and I won't be able to get out if the ceiling drops on us."

"Understood," Sharon said.

The Soldier let her talk soothingly to the other guy, and Bucky wondered if it'd really help, but if it did, great. He had two important things to find. His uniform and weapons, and Steve. Steve came first in all rights, but that uniform and those knives sure would be nice.

He made it up to the next basement up before he found his stuff, shoved into a lab clearly not meant for human experimentation like the lower floor had been. He had to take down two guards to get in, guards that hadn't expected two of the four shots left in the stolen Glock. The Soldier almost worried that the gunshots would call attention to him, but by the sounds of the Hulk upstairs, Hydra had bigger problems than a stray shot or two.

The roaring overhead grew louder. "Having any luck with him, Sharon?" he asked, though he felt the answer was 'no'

"Some," she said. "He's stopped hitting the floor."

The Soldier traded his scrubs for his real pants, hooking on his knee pads, followed by his belt. "That's good. Keep that up. I'm up a level, I don't know how many there are between you guys and I. I still can't find Steve." He pulled on his turtleneck.

"He wasn't on the bottom level with you?" Maria asked, sounding more than a little worried. "Hang on." He heard the sounds of her fighting, a couple gunshots, and a scream or two that were mostly drowned out by the other guy. "Sorry, trouble."

What was with the 'hang on, trouble' thing with this group? They fit together too well.

"Not that I saw. I found my gear, I'm changing into it and going to go back down for another sweep. That seemed to be the human experimentations floor. I haven't seen anything sterile enough up here yet to make me think otherwise."

No one answered, although he could hear plenty of what was going on through the chip under his ear. Maria sounded like she was taking on the three agents at the same time with ease; he really wanted to see her in real action someday. He was pretty sure Sharon was relying on her Glock. He heard her tell the other guy to cover her, she was reloading. He couldn't hear the other guy directly; his ear piece probably got busted when Bruce and the other guy traded places. The Soldier was just as glad. That would hurt his ear to hear that through the chip.

Before he was fully armed again, he looked at the Glock he'd set aside to dress without it in the way. He'd used two shots, only two remained. It wasn't really worth keeping. So he left it where it sat.

Coat zipped, weapons reclaimed, and face gear pulled on properly, the Soldier headed back down to the bottom level, or what he hoped was the bottom level, for another search. He was pretty sure he'd tracked down all the rooms, but that didn't mean anything. He'd also been trying to stay alive while running around in nothing but scrub bottoms and cursing the universe for not having his uniform and weapons.

His booted feet made more noise going down than his bare feet had, but he didn't care about that. If he alerted someone to his presence, he was armed this time, and that someone might actually be Steve. There could've been a malfunction in his ear chip, maybe that was why they weren't raising him on the comm. That idea did only a little to ease the tension in his stomach.

His second sweep of the sterile floor wasn't proving fruitful, and the Soldier started swearing under his breath. Where the hell was Steve? If they didn't find him soon, nothing was going to stop either him or Bucky from murdering every Hydra personnel there in slow and torturous ways. Their temper and worry were mixing to create a fire building in the distant part of their mind.

Eventually, the Soldier found his way back to the lab he'd been in, and it was eerily cleaned and all signs that he'd been there had been removed. Someone had gone behind him and cleaned up, someone apparently unmindful of the fact that a subject had gotten loose and was creating hell on the lower levels. As if his job was simply to clean.

What were they preparing the room for? Him again?

The Soldier searched the room; someone had come through, he wanted to know why. He worried that the room had been cleaned for Steve, but if it was, he could lie in wait, kill the doctors, get Steve out of there. He could hide in the prep room.

Opening the prep room door revealed that the man he'd killed there had also been cleaned away. That meant that someone had gone into that prep room, and suddenly, the Soldier really wanted to investigate that. It seemed strange enough that something else might be going on, something in that prep room that he'd missed when looking for clothes.

The first thing he noticed upon looking around was that someone had folded all the pants he'd thrown about, looking for one in his size, and put them back on the shelves. Weird. Why would anyone care enough when a crazed assassin was running loose?

He started lifting everything on every shelf, looking under scrubs and masks and surgical caps. Nothing seemed out of place, he circled around the very tiny room. One swinging door with round window, the one he'd come in through. The other side was a wall with more shelves of a soft, cubby hole sort. Those sorts of soft wardrobes usually hung on doors, didn't they?

The Soldier felt around the edges of the hanging wardrobe, realizing that there was something sturdy enough to be a door behind it. He glanced up, reaching his hand up and running it along the top of the wardrobe. There were metal hooks.

That 'wall' was a door.

Before he could lower his hand, he heard voices from the other side. He held perfectly still, steadying his breathing until it was inaudible and his heart didn't pound in his ears.

"Doctor Tucker, the patient isn't fully sedated."

"Up the dose, let's give him another minute."

The Soldier had two choices. He could walk away and leave it to chance that it wasn't Steve they were working on, or he could check, and even if it wasn't Steve, he'd've proven better than Hydra than to leave an innocent person to die on one of their operating tables.

There really wasn't a choice; the Soldier had escaped Hydra for a reason.

He unsnapped the holster on one of his Yari IIs, his favored knives that hung upside down from under his coat, and held it up, ready to stab whoever was closest to the door. With a deadly silence and deliberate slowness, he felt around the door with his flesh hand until he found the doorknob. It turned without a sound.

Like a predator approaching prey unawares, he slipped into the room. Five people in blue surgical scrubs, two women with dark hair and dark skin, two men of similar genetic descent, and one white man who could've blended in with the sterile white walls by comparison.

On their table was Steve, an IV running into his right arm, covered about as much as the Soldier had been, eyes half-lidded and stare blank from drugs.

Steve.

Oh god, Steve.

From somewhere buried deep rose a red hot rage, like magma pooled in his chest, coloring his view red. The fear for Steve's safety would wait. Anger came first. Anger that would remove the threat those so-called doctors who murdered and mutilated with drug and scalpel posed to Steve. They'd chosen the wrong person to work on, tried to take away the one good thing in the Soldier's life that was permanent, secure, stretched back to the foundation of Bucky he'd been built on.

The only thing he could hear was the ringing in his ears, the noise from his comm disappearing as he shut down all distractions.

He had to get those monsters away from Steve. And they'd made the Soldier into a monster to match them.

He wouldn't let them touch Steve.

The Soldier didn't even notice that he'd already been in the air as that silent scream in his head worked into an audible yell, leaping completely over Steve and the surgical table, his knife landing to the hilt in the neck of the white man. He went down with the body, yanking out his knife and giving the man's throat two more stabs for good measure, then spun off the body. The other doctors had scattered. He tracked one of the women and flung the bloodied knife into her shoulder. She shrieked in pain, stumbling back.

None of them were fighting back. They were not fighters, just doctors who caused damage only to unconscious people, like cowards. Hatred flared like the burn of a wild fire.

The other woman and the two men were trying to get to the door, escape the fate of their comrades. The Soldier flung one of his partly serrated Mark IIs at the doorknob, catching one of the men in the hand, pinning him like a butterfly.

The other two backed away.

Just as deliberately as he'd come in, the Soldier got up, grabbing a scalpel off the table full of surgical tools and walking around the foot of the table. He passed the woman doctor he'd stabbed, who was trying to get away despite the pain in her shoulder. He reached his left hand across him to yank the Yari II out of her shoulder as he dragged the scalpel in his close hand across her throat, making a deep and precise cut.

This was not a fight. This was cold-blooded murder. And just the quickest of glances at the half-aware Steve was enough to erase any regret or guilt he might feel over it. If what it took to protect Steve was a murderer, then a murderer he'd be.

The last woman and the man who didn't have his hand pinned to the door backed away, slamming back against a wall, screaming in terror. Good. Keep screaming. They were next.

He lifted his booted foot in the face of the man pinned to the door and shoved him away, the knife ripping through his hand as the hand went one way and the knife remained secured in the wood. Blood from the wound hit the Soldier's right knee pad. He already had blood on him, at this point, more didn't matter.

The Soldier stalked to the other two doctors, grabbing a Mark II from its sheath. They tried to run, but the Mark II found the ear of the male doctor and buried itself to the hilt. The woman shrieked and turned, looking trapped. The Soldier took great care in pushing the scalpel through her forehead, slow enough to let her feel everything before her brain was pierced and she was left falling to the ground.

The Soldier grabbed his Mark II from the male doctor's ear.

The doctor with the torn hand was still alive, sliding back away from the Soldier, hand held tightly to his chest as if that would make it hurt less.

Still one left alive. The rage screamed in his head, the fire in his bones an inferno that wasn't sated, wouldn't be sated until the last one was dead and he was sure Steve was okay. If Steve wasn't okay, he'd make every Hydra operative personally pay for it. The fire would burn until it'd consumed everything of Hydra, everything of Bucky.

Winter was over.

He grabbed the last man by the front of his scrub dress, left fist raised to break bones when he heard Steve's voice. Alive. Weak, but alive. He dropped the man, looking back over his shoulder at Steve. Steve didn't seem to be moving, but he heard Steve say his name.

Concern overrode the fire, though it stayed a low roar in the distance, ready to ignite the entire landscape of his mind again if Steve wasn't okay. He grabbed the doctor's head and twisted, snapping his neck, not giving him the mercy of an easy death, but because he had become an inconvenient distraction. "Steve?"

Steve didn't answer this time, and Bucky leapt to his feet, practically flying over to Steve's side. "Steve? Come on, talk to me."

If it wasn't for the shallow breathing, Bucky would almost be certain that Steve had succumbed to whatever they had in him. Bucky carefully removed the IV, pressing down on the spot where the catheter left the skin. "Steve?"

Breathing. A noise. Maybe Bucky's name. Maybe not.

"Come on, Steve," he whispered, panic starting to sweep across his nerves. He cupped Steve's face in his hands, ignoring the blood he smeared on him. "Steve, come on, come back to me. Please don't leave me alone."

Steve made another noise. Not a name, not a word at all. Just a noise.

Bucky's hands began to shake from fear, he knees threatening to give out. Steve didn't sound good, and Bucky wasn't sure what'd been put in him, what it might've done, if it'd metabolize out or not. He buried his face against Steve's neck, fighting back tears when Steve failed to react to another attempt to get coherence out of him. "Don't you do this to me," he whispered. "Don't you leave me, wake up, goddamnit. _Please_."

"Bucky?"

Bucky lifted his head, looking at Steve, relief overtaking fear just a bit as Steve's eyes focused on him. What ever certainty Steve had of Bucky's identity was gone when he spoke again. "You- who... who are you?"

Bucky's heart stopped and his hands began to shake even harder. He pulled off the goggles and face mask. "It's me, Steve. Please, for the love of god, don't do this to me. We gotta get you out of here."

Steve stared at him for a long second that felt like eternity. "You're covered in blood."

Oh. That's why he wasn't recognizing him. He was seeing the Soldier. Bucky looked down at the blood on his hands. "I know." He set his gear on the table with the surgical tools. "The Soldier's still here, Steve," he said. He went to the door and pulled it open. He kept an eye on Steve while he looked for some scrubs that would fit him.

Steve was watching him with eyes that were no clearer than they had been before the IV had been removed.

"You were a pacifist."

Bucky took a deep breath. "Once upon a time. But that was a long time ago." He finally located some clothes that he thought would fit. He studied them, thoughts working to say to Steve what needed to be said, words that would hopefully sink in, words that would make Steve understand that he was being saved, that his rescuer was safe to trust. "There's always going to be a monster in here," he finally said, as he took the scrubs back to Steve. "But that monster loves you just as much as I do. Now come on, we need to get you dressed."

Steve was slow to respond, but he cooperated, whatever part of his brain that was functioning deciding to trust him. The Soldier in them snarled with rage, wanted to find more Hydra agents, more 'doctors' to destroy. Bucky was more focused on getting Steve clothed and to Bruce in the vain hope that Bruce would know how to clear out whatever was in Steve before it caused permanent damage. Maybe it was just sedative. Maybe Steve would wake up before they even got back to the Tower.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

He got Steve dressed, leaving blood behind that he would have to explain later to Steve, later once he was coherent again. He grabbed his face gear and pulled it on, then wrapped his left arm around Steve's shoulders, helping him stay upright. Steve's feet were clumsy, and more than once Bucky had to pause to help Steve keep upright. He didn't seem to gain any strength back as Bucky helped him down the halls to an elevator. Upstairs, the ceiling began to feel the strain of the other guy ripping apart walls and who knew what else.

Once he was sure Steve was steady in the elevator and they were on their way up to the highest floor the elevator said it could go up to, Bucky reactivated his comm. "What's the story up there?"

"We're on the first level down," Maria said. "Where are you?"

Bucky squinted at the elevator buttons. "Coming up an elevator from the third basement to the first. Is that where you are?"

"I think so. Have you found Steve?"

"I have him. He's going to need help out, though." The words burned in his mouth. He looked at Steve. "Still with me?"

Steve tried to nod, apparently decided that was a poor life decision, then took in a breath. "Yeah." That didn't sound confident, but it was the best Bucky would get.

The elevator rattled as it pulled to a stop. The ground under them outside of the elevator shook. Holding Steve up short of carrying him was difficult with the movement. Damnit, Hulk. "We're on the first basement," he said into his comm. "Please tell me this earthquake is from the other guy."

"You couldn't tell?" Sharon said. "Where are you guys? We'll come get you."

Bucky was forced to help Steve sit down, leaning back against the wall. It was just impossible to keep him upright right then. "Tell him to settle down, he's pulling Steve off his feet. We're at an elevator." He turned on his HUD, examining the power lines running through the first basement. A compass swiveled as he focused on the sputtering lines where damage had been done. "We're due east of the worst of the damage to the electrical systems," he said. "I assume that's the other guy's fault."

"It is," Maria said. "We'll be there as soon as we can."

Bucky leaned his head back against the wall, taking a moment to just breathe for a few seconds, something he hadn't had the liberty to do all night. He looked over at Steve. "Still with me?"

Steve was sluggish to respond, eyes flicking to look at him before he turned his head. There was no response in his eyes; there was something wrong, like he was viewing everything from a distance, where nothing he was actually looking at or hearing made sense.

It broke Bucky's heart to see it. He knew that look had been on his own face in the past. Bucky wasn't sure what chemicals had been poured into Steve's blood stream, but they were slowly taking Steve away from him.

The fire flared and Bucky had to forcibly stamp it back. He had Steve free, the others would come get them, they'd get Steve medical care from Bruce, best in the world, he'd be fine. Focus on Steve. Hydra no longer matters, not unless the chemical does its job and Steve disappears forever. _Then_ he can scorch the earth.

"Steve?"

Steve's expression finally twisted into one of uncertainty, something better than a blank and unresponsive nothing. "I think." He paused. "You have blood on you."

Behind his mask and goggles, Bucky flinched. "I know. It'll clean up. You know who you are?"

Steve closed his eyes, brow furrowed slightly as he tried to remember. "Steve Rogers," he said, as if he wasn't entirely certain of that. "Captain America. You're the Winter Soldier."

Bucky's throat tightened. It was going to take one of Bruce's medical miracles to fix this. Bucky took off his face gear. "Do you know who I am now?"

There was no real recognition, not that dawning sort he'd seen at the bridge, but something that Steve was about to recite from a memorized book. "Bucky?"

The conversation was painful, more painful than almost any other he'd ever had in his life. He didn't want to be a stranger in Steve's eyes. He didn't want to see that distant look on Steve that put him so far away, but there it was, something wrong in Steve's eyes that Bucky couldn't put a name to. He wasn't sure those doctor's had died horribly enough.

That was for later, though. For right now, he needed to keep Steve going, keep him thinking and talking until they could get him into Bruce's hands. The sounds of the Hulk came closer. Bucky looked up down the hall, half-expecting to see him already there.

Seeing that he had a few more seconds, he put his flesh arm around Steve's shoulder. "I told you, I'm with you to the end of the line. It wasn't the end yet."

Steve either flopped or leaned into that hug, hard to say, but Bucky buried his face against the top of Steve's head, breathing in the familiar scent. That was still Steve, still his brother, best friend, partner. They'd get him back. He was just a bit disoriented from a sedative right then. That'd fade.

The sounds of the Hulk grew closer, and Bucky jumped slightly when the body of a Hydra operative went flying _through_ the closed doors of the elevator. Bucky waved his left arm frantically. "Friends! Friends!"

The Hulk did not settle down one bit, not if the look on his face was any indication, but he stopped throwing things in their direction, at least. He was still throwing and punching the walls of the hall.

Maria and Sharon hurried over to them, crouching down. "Are you two all right?" Maria asked.

Bucky nodded. "I'm fine. Found trouble, but I'm fine." He looked at Steve. "He needs help out." He'd explain later. "Sharon, help me get him up. Maria, take point, get us back out of here."

After some effort to get Steve back up on his feet and supported by Sharon and Bucky, Maria looked at the other guy. "Hulk? Smash us a way out of here."

That seemed to please the other guy. He turned and decimated walls back the way they came, any poor asshole that happened to get into his way getting smashed into the wall until they were part of the decor.

Sharon's lips twitched slightly. "He's been having a ball in here. Bruce wasn't wrong about him being happy about this mission."

Maria stayed at a pace just ahead of Bucky and Sharon, who were moving slow because of Steve's lack of coordination. If Bucky remembered how those drugs worked, or the equivalent thereof that had been used on him, the strength to walk on his own would take awhile to return. The Hulk went back and forth ahead, clearing a path and always checking back to roar down the hall at them, as if telling them to hurry.

"So he listens to you?" Bucky asked Sharon.

"I don't know if I'd say that, but he likes me," Sharon said. "Don't ask me to give him orders, I don't think he'd listen."

"He's fine," Maria said. "He's just telling us to hurry up. He doesn't have a lot of patience."

"Couldn't guess why." Bucky looked at Steve, expecting and then not expecting for him to join in their conversation. Steve still had that distant look, but he was moving, planting his feet and going forward with help, his arms around Bucky's and Sharon's shoulders, cooperating, not resisting. That may have to be what Bucky would be satisfied with.

"Something occurs to me," Sharon said, then raised her voice. "Hey, big guy! You destroyed the stairs, we need a new way up."

The Hulk came back around a corner, actually still for a moment, but only for a moment before he stepped back and punched a hole in the ceiling. Some of the ceiling came down with his fist. He brushed the rubble off himself, snorting and growling, then hopped up through the hole as if that were a good way for the others to get out.

"Here," Bucky said, passing his side of support over to Maria. "I'll get up there, get a safe spot, then you guys will help pass Steve up to me. Then I'll help you two get up. That looks a bit high for you to jump."

Maria examined the hole. "There's some broken pieces here we could potentially climb, but Steve would be a problem." She tilted her head back. Hulk was already gone. "Boy, it doesn't take much to please him. Just give him something he's allowed to destroy without making Bruce feel guilty for it...."

"This job was perfect for him," Bucky said, hopping up on some collapsed ceiling that slid under his weight. He jumped for the nearest part of the open hole that looked sturdy. After testing it, he crouched down. "Okay, get his hands up to me, then support his legs. Careful, he's heavy."

It took some effort- both girls were strong, but a barely coordinated man of Steve's size wasn't easy to hoist up -but they finally got Steve up onto the floor above. Bucky helped him maneuver over to a wall out of the way. "You going to be okay?" Bucky asked him, helping him find an angle to make staying upright easier.

"Yeah."

Bucky didn't have to wonder what was going through Steve's head. Once again, he had to pour water on the fire in his mind and hope it wasn't an electrical fire that would just spark and kill and destroy even more.

He took a second, then went back to the hole.

The girls were easy to get up, much lighter than Steve and able to assist in getting themselves up instead of being handled like a sack of potatoes. Bucky looked down the hallway once they were up. "Looks like he found us a way out. Unless that damage is old."

"Some of it is," Maria said. "Now we have to hope that he wears himself out before we get to the jet with Steve."

"I'll try talking to him," Sharon said. "Bruce asked me to try to calm him down. I think Bruce hates me or is getting me back for something, but I said I'll try."

Something started nagging at the back of Bucky's brain. Something that the conversation was at once distracting from and helping to bring to the forefront of his mind. The plan. They were to get in. Sharon was to try to talk down the Hulk. They needed Bruce. What el-

"Fuck."

Sharon looked at him, her eyebrows raised. "Okay, well, it's a dangerous job, but you sound like there's something I'm forgetting about it. Please tell me so I don't get Hulk Smashed."

Bucky shook his head. "No, Junior's USB. I hid it in that office I got cornered in. It's got all the files and records on it." He walked over to Steve. "Steve, I have to get something. The girls will help you out of here."

Steve still had that same distant look, like he was trying to remember something but it was on the edges of his mind, not quite solid, not quite enough to look at, only seen out of the corner of his eye. "Okay."

Bucky had to curl his hand into a fist to keep it from shaking. He looked back at the girls. "Get him out of here, get on the jet. Meet me at the back door. It wasn't far from there."

He left before the girls could do more than holler a protest after him, one he ignored. He jumped over the hole and ran down the hall, turning on his HUD. The electricity was a poor way to track the office, but the computer systems still had some working stations, and his HUD dug through them at a phenomenal pace, looking for one close to the back door. Bucky hoped like hell that it hadn't been turned off in the destruction.

Fortune favored him for once that night. He got back into a section he recognized, so he was able to navigate back to the office without his HUD. The doorway was damaged from the chair, and while the blood was still there, there were no bodies to trip over. Now to just hope that nobody searched the room and found the USB.

Bucky pushed aside the desk, revealing the floor below and the USB still on the ground. "Thank god," he muttered, picking it up. It was too late to plug her in to destroy Hydra's systems; with Bruce's destruction, that was probably already done and if it wasn't, plugging the USB in to a system with unstable power could fry what was already on it.

Deciding that there was enough damage for the moment, he pocketed the USB, and rushed back out the back door to meet his friends.


	10. The Stranger In Your Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Where am I?"
> 
> Bucky jerked, blinking wide eyed from the dozing state he'd dropped into. He looked over at the source of the voice, saw Steve awake and confused.
> 
> "Bruce, he's awake!" Bucky yelled out into the hall, practically flying off his bed and over next to Steve's. "You're in the Tower. I told you I'd get us out."
> 
> That look of confusion deepened and before Bucky could question it, Bruce stepped in. "We wondered if you'd sleep all night," he told Steve, grabbing his stool and wheeling over. Bucky scooted over a bit, hands gripping the safety bars on the bed.
> 
> Steve stared at Bruce as if he'd never seen him before. "Who are you?"

_Please don't let that light that shines on her face go out. I couldn't stand the darkness that would follow._  
-Xena: Warrior Princess

Once safely back in the jet, the Soldier took notice of two things, both vying for equal attention: one, Steve was laying on the medical table, looking no less sedated than when they'd found him, and two, Bruce was Bruce again, and huddled up against the wall on the opposite side of the jet from Steve.

The mission was over, or at least the Soldier's part was. Like fluid sliding over rock, the Soldier disappeared back into the back of Bucky's mind, once again nothing but a scar to be called on if needed later.

Steve was Bucky's first priority; Bruce was needed to help Steve, but it was obvious he'd need a minute. The transition back to Bruce must be difficult, to put a normally level-headed man into a ball of trauma.

Bucky took off his face gear, setting it in his seat on his way to the medical table. "Steve?" He crouched, studying Steve for any sign of trauma. The only blood on him was what the Soldier had smeared on him by accident. But his eyes didn't look right. It might've just been the sedative, but something in Bucky didn't believe that.

"Bruce?" Bucky looked back across the jet.

Bruce shook his head like he was shivering. "Just a minute. I just- I just need a minute."

Bucky understood, but his worry over Steve was reaching frantic levels. "I'll do it, just tell me what to do." That probably wasn't going to do any good, Bruce looked mentally exhausted, and physically not much better.

Fifteen seconds passed with no answer and Bucky worried he'd have to figure out how to help Steve himself. Bruce finally took a deep breath, held it until he stopped shivering, then crawled forward, using the seats to pull himself up on to his feet. He grabbed his lab coat off his own chair and pulled it on. It looked warmer than not wearing a shirt at all.

"Let me see him," Bruce said, sitting down at the medical station.

Bucky backed out of the way. "I could've done it."

Bruce didn't answer; he still looked tired and worn out, but under control. "This is my job," he said. "The other guy wasn't supposed to get involved. But he did his job, it's my turn."

Bucky didn't argue. Part of him didn't want to at all, Bruce was right, he was the doctor. But Bucky could see the toll the other guy had taken on Bruce and he felt guilty that he couldn't see to Steve on his own.

But arguing with a stretched thin Bruce Banner might just cause the other guy to start spitting nails at him, so he sat quietly and watched as Bruce gave a basic once-over of Steve.

"His reactions are sluggish," Bruce said. "His vitals are a bit, too. They sedated him with something, but I don't know what." He looked at Bucky. "Quite honestly, with his metabolism, he'll probably be just fine by the time we get to the Tower. I'll hook him up, keep his vitals on monitor, but I really can't do more than that. We'll just let him rest."

A ball of fire settled in Bucky's stomach; something more than that was wrong. He tried to dismiss it as fear, but he knew Hydra too well. Everything he knew from them told him something more was wrong. He just couldn't figure out what.

It didn't matter right then if it was the sedative making everything in Steve move slowly or if there was something more, because Bruce was right. There was nothing else they could do at the moment. They didn't have the right equipment, and as Bruce said, if it was just sedative, Steve would be back to normal by the time they reached the Tower.

Bucky waved off Bruce for him to go lay down somewhere with an apology for making him get up, then settled down next to Steve to sit next to him for the trip. He reached up with his left hand, putting it on Steve's shoulder, but Steve pushed his hand away. Slow, but the rejection of the metal hand was clear. Bucky bit back frustrated tears and withdrew his hand. He tried reaching his flesh hand across him to take Steve's. That touch was considered acceptable in Steve's malfunctioning brain; Bucky shut his eyes tightly and rested his head against the medical table, holding Steve's hand like he might disappear otherwise.

He fell asleep like that.

There was sunlight coming in through the cockpit window when Bucky was awoken by a tapping on his shoulder. He snapped his head up, wincing at the kink in his neck that answered that movement as stupid.

"We're almost to the Tower," Bruce said, crouched down by him. "I need to strap him in and we need to get ourselves strapped in for the landing."

Strap him in? Bucky looked at Steve, suddenly scared as hell when he saw that Steve looked no more alert than he had when they left. "Steve?"

Steve's eyes flitted down to look at Bucky. There was no verbal response, but there was a slight tightening of his hand in Bucky's. It'd have to do for the moment, but that sick feeling from earlier was taking over his whole body. Something was wrong. That sedative shouldn't still be this strong in his system.

Bucky let go of Steve's hand and patted it. "We're almost home." Steve made a noise of acknowledgement, something that might've been an 'okay', then focused on Bruce. Bucky got out of the way, letting Bruce get Steve strapped in while he took his own seat.

They were close to home. Close to the medical facilities that could help Steve.

Why hadn't that sedative already flushed through Steve's system?

Tony met them in the penthouse, a gurney with two nurses that Bucky recognized from when Natasha had been injured ready and waiting. "Here, lemme help," Tony said, taking a tired-looking Maria's place in helping Bucky support Steve to the gurney. "You okay to work, Bruce?"

"Ready and waiting," Bruce said. "I slept on the way home."

While they helped Steve get up on the gurney and lay down- and he looked grateful to not be upright anymore -Bucky looked at Maria. "You should go get sleep. We've got this."

Maria shook her head. "I can go a bit longer."

Bucky knew better than to argue.

The medical crew went down first; too many people for the elevator and the gurney if they all piled in right away. Bucky wrapped his arms around himself, feeling a lump of cold, sick fear fight in his gut with a hot rage against Hydra for what they'd done.

Whatever it was they'd done. They'd find out soon enough. Bruce was the best, if he couldn't figure it out-

Bucky threw that thought out before it could even form into an image.

Nobody voiced their concerns on their way down the elevator when it'd returned for them. Nobody wanted to say anything that might set Bucky off, and nobody wanted to make a reality out of the worst case scenario, like giving it voice would make it real.

By the time they got to the back wing of the medical center where only Avengers were treated, Steve had been taken through triage and the nurses had cleaned up the blood Bucky had gotten on him. The nurses were assisting him into a proper hospital bed in clean scrubs. Bucky was forcibly kept back from crowding into the room where Bruce and the nurses were working by Maria. Anybody else trying to stop him would've lost the fight, but Maria's hand in his kept him still. Just for a little while longer.

Machines to monitor vitals were hooked up, an IV put into the back of Steve's hand smoothly by one of the nurses. Bruce directed Bucky in while the nurse took a blood sample from the IV line. "I hate to do this to you, but I need to run a blood test on you. They had you for awhile, I'd be a bad doctor if I didn't check."

"I'm fine, though," Bucky said, slipping into the room despite his protests.

"You act fine," Bruce said. "But again, bad doctor. And bad friend." He motioned to the other hospital bed in the room; Bucky wasn't entirely sure why they'd have paired rooms in the more luxurious Avengers treatment rooms, but part of him suspected this one was set up for him and Steve.

Bucky obliged Bruce, hopping up onto the bed and shedding his coat and face gear. "Is he going to be okay?" he asked, not at all looking at Bruce or any needle-like equipment he had, but staring hard at Steve.

"I don't know," Bruce said. "I'm not going to lie to you, you know as well as I do that Hydra could've succeeded in something that we can't reverse. But it's just as possible that Steve will be just fine with a few days of saline flushes through the IV, and then he'll wonder at us why we didn't just let his body do it on its own."

That sounded like Steve. Bucky clung to that idea. He knew Bruce was right about Hydra, knew better than anyone, and it made him sick to let that thought take form in his mind. "What are you going to run on those tests?" Bucky asked, glancing at Bruce finally.

"On both of you, I'm running a full panel. Anything that blood can tell us, we're asking. I'm also putting in for JARVIS to examine your DNA again to make sure whatever you two were given isn't causing any problems with your mutations." Bruce peered at Bucky over his glasses. "Do you want an Ativan for this?"

Bucky shook his head, looking back at Steve. "Just do it. I'm distracted."

"Not that distracted," Bruce said. "JARVIS, put in a prescription for James Barnes for a thirty day supply, three times daily, of half a milligram of Ativan." Bucky tried to protest, but Bruce gave him a hard stare that shut him up. "It's not for the blood draw. You're making everyone nervous with your jacked up levels of anxiety. It's a lower dose than I gave you before, it'll just keep the jitters down."

Bucky couldn't deny having those jitters Bruce was talking about. He held out his arm. "Just get the draw done."

At Bruce's direction, he rolled up his sleeve, made a fist, and regretted telling Bruce to not give him the Ativan before the draw. But he kept his mouth shut, biting down on his lip and tightening his left hand into a fist when the needle slipped in, and almost looked to see what was taking so long when it dragged. But he remembered how much Bruce had drawn for the DNA check, he reminded himself of that and kept from looking or asking.

"Is Bucky getting admitted?" Tony asked Bruce just as Bruce finished the blood draw. Bucky had forgotten he was even there. "He's a mess."

Bruce studied Bucky. "Yes and no," he said. "I want him to stay where I can monitor him and his medication, and I'd rather he be here if his panels show anything unusual. I have a feeling it'd be a fight to get him to leave anyway."

"It would and you didn't have to say that like I wasn't right here," Bucky snapped. He tensed up, closing his eyes and clenching his teeth. "Sorry."

"We understand," Bruce said. "I want you to go back to your apartment and shower and change, then come back down here. You can stay here until we can dismiss Steve."

Bucky looked down at his hands. They had still had blood, although some had flaked off. "Yeah." He was sure there was blood all over, and his brand new coat needed cleaning. He wasn't sure how to clean something with that liquid armor. He grabbed his coat and looked it over.

"Give it here," Tony said, stepping into the room, avoiding Steve's side to stand at Bucky's. He held out his hand. "I'll have that cleaned. I threw this into testing phase, I'll take care of testing how well it cleans."

Deciding that it'd be easier to just give it to Tony and worry about cleaning the rest of his uniform- unchanged from before and nothing he hadn't cleaned a million times -at his apartment. He only kept hold of the coat long enough to free his knives that were snapped into their holsters, then got down off the bed. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Just take the time to actually scrub at that blood," Tony said, holding up the coat to look at it. "You did a number on yourself." He looked up at Bucky. "You're sure none of this is yours, right?"

"I'm sure," Bucky said. "Hydra agents make a mess when you kill them."

"No doubt."

Bucky brushed by Tony. "I'll be back." He paused outside where Maria and Sharon were still waiting. "You two should probably go get rest and clean up."

Sharon looked into the room, then took a breath and turned to Bucky. "Take care of him. Make sure someone contacts us if anything changes."

"I will," he said, then pulled her into a hug. "Just go get some rest."

Maria didn't answer Bucky's suggestion while Sharon pulled away and left, and Bucky was sure he heard the start of her crying. Maria stepped over to Bucky and wrapped her arms around his neck. "He'll be fine," she said in a hushed tone. "He's got you. He'll be fine."

Bucky closed his eyes and buried his face against her neck. He'd needed to hear those words, said with her conviction. He kissed her neck, then straightened. "I just got blood on you, go clean up and get some rest. You'll be notified if anything changes."

"Call Sharon's apartment if you can't find me at mine. I think I'll stay with her. That's the man she loves in there."

Bucky looked at the door Sharon had left through. "At least sit with her awhile, yeah." He kissed her on the forehead one more time before shooing her off to go clean up and rest.

Bucky made one more stop in the room after Maria had left, one, to look at Steve for any signs of improvement and saw none, and two to grab his face gear he'd left on the empty bed. Only half in uniform, Bucky headed for his own apartment, his and Steve's.

A shower made him feel weary and tired, erasing the blood from the long night, erasing the signs of the Soldier still on him, finally releasing Bucky to be no one else. It made him feel like a bruise, even though he knew that was all psychological.

He desperately wanted to run back down to the hospital room, but now that he knew Steve was in Bruce's tender care where something _could_ be done to help him, that thought from before, that deep set feeling that he knew what was wrong came back, demanded attention, and Bucky knew the best way to let it solidify was to do something mindless to keep his brain from being distracted from that thought.

So he worked on cleaning what was left of his uniform, scrubbing and spot treating and throwing the pants and shirt into the wash.

He made a point of cleaning his weapons, too.

That thought still hadn't quite found its way into anything but a rising bad feeling when he had finished cleaning everything, so he dressed, cargos, boots, t-shirt, just like usual. He paused outside his door, looking down towards Steve's bedroom door, as if he were expecting Steve to emerge and say "okay, let's go" to wherever they might be going.

He was really fucking tired.

He made a stop at the pharmacy before going back to the room, picking up that prescription he still wasn't sure was actually necessary. But Bruce was the doctor, the best in the country, the only one Tony trusted with the Avengers, the only one Bucky trusted at all, so if Bruce said the pills would take the edge off his nerves, then he'd take them as ordered.

The nurses were behind the computers at the nurses' station when Bucky got back, and Bruce was in the hospital room, sitting on a stool, studying Steve. He turned, the seat spinning him 'round. "You look like you're feeling better."

Bucky grunted. "Marginally." He held up the baggie with his medicine. "I picked this up, you pill pusher."

Bruce smiled. "You also sound like you're doing better." He motioned to the tray swung to the side on Bucky's bed. On it sat a mug that had lines going latitude up the glass, measuring CCs. "That's already got ice water in it, you can take a pill any time you need it. Just don't go crazy, I don't want to run the pharmacy out of that medicine."

Bucky set his medicine on the tray, then hopped up on his bed, only vaguely noting that it was clean again from the blood his uniform had gotten on it. He looked at Steve. "How long until we know anything?"

That didn't elicit an immediate answer, Bruce turning the stool to look at Steve. "It usually takes pathology a day to get test results, but I ordered them to put everything else aside to focus on his and your blood. I also have JARVIS checking the DNA. That'll take twenty four hours. Tony has him devoting all spare processing power to it." He looked at Bucky. "I hate to tell you this, but we probably won't know anything until tomorrow."

That wasn't soon enough. That was nowhere near soon enough. But maybe it'd give him time to figure out what it was the Soldier was telling him they knew about Steve's condition. It wasn't quite there. Maybe knowing the results of the blood tests tomorrow would tease it out.

"Do you want me to go rescue your notebook with your impossible problem notes?" Bruce said. "I should've warned you to bring something to do."

After a brief exchange in which Bucky fussed that something might happen while Bruce was gone and was rebutted with the capabilities of the nurses and the fact that Bruce would be coming right back down, Bucky consented. He needed something to do if he was stuck there a full day.

Bucky kept a better eye on Steve than the nurses or Bruce did; easy enough when he was in the same room at all times, quietly working away in his notebook, which was rapidly filling up. He'd need a new one soon. He wondered how close to needing a new sketchbook Steve was. Maybe he'd get him one or two when things went back to normal. Assuming they went back to normal at all. There was still the fact that they had information that might collapse the government of Israel and there'd be no 'normal' after that.

He put that thought out of his mind and focused on his work.

Every few minutes or so, Bucky would look up from his notebook and look at Steve, watching for signs that the sedative or whatever the hell it was was finally leaving his system and he was recovering. Eventually the every few minutes faded to every half hour, then only once or twice an hour at random intervals. He was getting tired, it was getting hard to do anything but stare blankly at his notebook. The notes in it stopped making sense.

"Where am I?"

Bucky jerked, blinking wide eyed from the dozing state he'd dropped into. He looked over at the source of the voice, saw Steve awake and confused.

"Bruce, he's awake!" Bucky yelled out into the hall, practically flying off his bed and over next to Steve's. "You're in the Tower. I told you I'd get us out."

That look of confusion deepened and before Bucky could question it, Bruce stepped in. "We wondered if you'd sleep all night," he told Steve, grabbing his stool and wheeling over. Bucky scooted over a bit, hands gripping the safety bars on the bed.

Steve stared at Bruce as if he'd never seen him before. "Who are you?"

The second those words were out, Bucky got a sinking feeling in his gut and he interrupted whatever Bruce was in the process of saying. "Do you know who you are?" he asked Steve.

Bruce looked up at him. "You're recognizing something."

Bucky held up a hand and asked again. "Do you know who you are?"

The look Steve gave Bucky at the question was as blank as when he'd answered Bruce. "Steve Rogers. Captain America."

"Do you know what that means?"

Steve didn't answer, brows furrowing in thought. Finally, he shook his head. "Do you?"

Bucky closed his eyes, his fists clenching the safety bars in rage until both of his hands had snapped out pieces where they'd been. An old feeling he'd detoxed from in the streets came haunting back like an unwelcome visitor. This was the thought that had nagged at him all evening.

He opened his eyes when he heard Bruce's stool wheeling away. "Uh, Bucky? Clue in the doctor? Without breaking things?"

Calm. Steve needed him to be calm, Bruce needed him to be calm, _he_ needed himself to be calm. "Call up the Winter Soldier Project files."

Bruce's eyebrows raised. "I'll be right back with a computer. Keep him talking."

While Bruce went to get a laptop, Bucky dropped the broken parts of the safety rail onto his bed's tray, then turned back to Steve. "You don't know what it means that you're Steve Rogers?"

Steve shook his head. "I know you're Bucky, but you don't look right."

"Things happened," Bucky said, dismissing the statement. "I want you to think. How does it feel, not knowing what it means that you're Steve Rogers?"

Bruce was back by the time Steve answered with a dismayed "empty."

Angry tears pricked at Bucky's eyes, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. Bruce had to once again ask him to not break things; Bucky wasn't sure if it was a warning to not provoke the other guy, or a simple request to calm down and help, rather than shaking uselessly in rage. "I know what they did."

"I had a feeling," Bruce said, setting his laptop on the tray of Steve's bed and opening it to show the files already pulled up. "It wasn't anything in the first three phases, was it? I don't see any signs of mutation. I don't have the tests done to confirm, but I'd think we'd be seeing different results."

"Probably," Bucky said. He scrolled through the files, so focused on finding the pages he needed to help Steve that he didn't even register anything else to cause an episode. "Here." He turned the monitor to Bruce a bit. "See that one there? It was used right before the chair. It'd been used regularly until before that last wipe before I left Hydra."

Bruce put on his glasses. "It says it causes long-term memory loss, as well as short-term." He looked at Steve. "That would explain his slow memories, but he seems to know who you are."

"He wasn't pumped full of it coupled with specific electroshock therapy for decades either," Bucky said. "It's only partly responsible for the memory loss. It removes a sense of self. It makes it so that the memories it doesn't kill mean nothing. He knows he's Steve Rogers, but Steve Rogers is a foreign concept."

Bruce looked at Steve. "That's what you told him?"

Steve pushed himself up, trying to look around the monitor to see what they were reading. "That's a drug that's doing that?"

"I'll take that as a yes," Bruce said. "The file doesn't say how long it takes to wear off. Just that they kept upping your dose."

"Yeah." Bucky rubbed his hands over his face. "I think they gave me a small dose when they got me cornered yesterday. It wore off within a minute of waking up. I don't remember it ever wearing off that quickly, but it did and we're lucky for it."

"If they kept upping your dose before putting you in the chair, your body probably has built up a tolerance to it and they gave too small a dose to register." Bruce took off his glasses, setting them next to the computer, reading the files. "That doesn't explain why the sedative took so long metaboli-" He cut himself off, straightening and looking at Steve. "I have an idea. But I can't confirm it without the pathology results and getting a look at his T3/T4 and TSH numbers."

Bucky looked at him. "Explain for the non-doctors?"

"Those are the numbers associated with thyroid function. If those numbers are low, then his metabolism won't be running nearly as fast as possible. I'd expect this long recovery time from someone with low numbers than someone whose metabolism is supposed to be running at six times higher than average." Bruce tapped his chin, then started flipping through the files. "I don't see any sign of anything like that in here. This might be something new."

Bucky looked at Steve, who looked confused and lost and frustrated. Bucky held out his left hand to take Steve's. Steve didn't take the offer, looking at the hand. "What happened to your hand?"

"I lost my arm in the war," Bucky said, not technically a lie. "Things have happened, Steve, we'll help you remember. But I'm still Steve Rogers's best friend. That's you." He kept his hand out, shoving aside the anger and fear. Whether Steve recovered or not was going to depend a lot on Bucky's actions and what emotions he let himself show. He was just starting and he was already wanting to apologize every other second to Steve for putting him through this and worse. "It won't hurt you, I promise."

"I didn't think it would," Steve said, wrapping his fingers around Bucky's metal fingers. "It just didn't seem right."

"Things have happened," Bucky repeated. "I'll help you." He looked at Bruce. "There is a detox period. Mine lasted a month, and it was hell, but it shouldn't be as bad with Steve. The memory loss lingers, but it goes away with time. Time and a lot of patience."

Bruce studied him. "Which you know from experience." He closed the files. "We'll see what all is going on, but if he's experiencing symptoms that unique, I'm going to go with the assumption that you're right about that chemical getting used. We'll have to wait on my idea about the metabolism, and check that nobody's DNA is losing its stable mutations." He looked at Bucky sternly. "Even if I didn't know you'd stay here anyway, you're not discharged either. You said they hit you with something, I'm going to be a paranoid doctor and keep you until your blood work clears."

Bucky shrugged, glancing at Steve. "I'm not leaving him anyway." That seemed to make Steve relax, and Bucky was glad that he'd been largely playing the good patient and letting the doctor and the 'expert' or whatever he thought Bucky was go over things before talking to him.

"So what's wrong with me?" Steve asked in a tone that was trying to be matter of fact, but there was fear lacing it. Knowing something was wrong wasn't something most people took without at least some worry, and Bruce and Bucky probably weren't say anything to ease that fear. At least Bucky's assurance was keeping his body language relatively relaxed.

Bruce closed the laptop, looking at Bucky. "I'll take this one." Bucky moved to use his flesh hand to enclose Steve's hand already held by his metal hand. Just to remind him that whatever Bruce said, he wasn't going to be alone. "There was a very old experiment that a group named Hydra did, and one of the chemicals in it caused memory loss and, as Bucky put it, a loss of a sense of self and long term memory. It doesn't erase everything without mechanical help and numerous higher doses, and after a chance to detox, it'll be through your system and working on regaining memory will begin."

"You'll fit back in your skin after you're done with detox," Bucky assured him.

Steve looked up at him. "What's involved with that?"

Bucky took a deep breath, looking at Bruce for permission to frighten the hell out of Steve. Bruce shrugged and swept his hand to him. "I don't know. He does."

Shit. Yeah, he had to explain and hope he didn't make Steve more upset than necessary. "I got a lot of the shakes, beat my head on a wall a lot. I lived in the streets, took a month for me, but I got a lot more of that stuff than you. I hallucinated some, got paranoid about a lot of things, but there were legitimate fears, too." Steve didn't look relaxed and his grip in Bucky's hands tightened. Bucky took the chance of shooting in the dark to calm him down. "It shouldn't be that bad on you, though. You might feel like you have a fever and an upset stomach and some bad dreams, then it'll come down to just helping you remember things you've forgotten."

"The memory loss lasts?" Steve didn't sound happy about that.

"Not forever," Bucky said. "I know I'm probably scaring you, but you really shouldn't have anything to worry about. You haven't had the doses I had when Hydra was using it on me, and they supplemented it with electric shocks to specific sections of my brain."

Steve looked down at Bucky's hand. "Hydra. That's what happened to your arm, isn't it? I think I remember that."

"Yeah," Bucky said. "See, the memories are there. We just gotta get the drug out of your system and then have me babble at you about things until you remember them."

"Did I do that to you?"

"Annoyingly, yes. Sometimes, anyway." He looked at Bruce. "So tomorrow until we hear about the blood work?"

Bruce nodded, tucking his glasses into his chest pocket. "That's right. If I get them sooner, you'll know. I also want to do a CT scan to look for damage, but my radiologist is home for the night. We'll do that tomorrow." He eyed the broken safety rail on Steve's bed. "Try not to break more of those, please."

Bucky looked down at it, then ducked his head slightly, feeling guilty. "I won't," he said. "Equipment is safe." His brain kicked in with an idea that went right to words, having come up before in other situations. "Hey, can you get Steve's sketchbooks? He should still know how to draw, I never lost any skills after that stuff, it might give him something to do to relax."

"All of the sketchbooks?" Bruce said, giving him an incredulous look. "None of those are full?"

Bucky grinned. "I had a good idea. A lot of those old drawings are memories. Steve never liked photos, he liked drawing what happened later. Had the memory for it. There's stuff we can look at, try to knock some rocks loose in the meantime. Just don't forget his pack of pencils so he can draw when he gets tired of me going through the proverbial photo album."

"Will do," Bruce said, then grabbed the laptop and left the room, leaving Steve and Bucky alone.

Bucky looked at Steve. "How're you feeling?"

"A but fuzzy," Steve answered. "My mouth is cotton."

Bucky let go of Steve with one hand to reach across the room to get his water off his tray. Since his arm wasn't actually that long, he was forced to let go of Steve's hand entirely and walk across the room to grab his glass. He brought it over and handed it to Steve. "Here, have a drink. It's just water."

Steve took the mug and drank enough that Bucky wasn't sure he was getting any back. Oh well. The nurses could refill it.

"Feel better?"

Steve set the glass down on his tray. "Yeah." He looked at Bucky. "You're scared."

Bucky shook his head in fond disbelief. "And your ability to read me has stuck around. Good to know." He tapped his left index finger on the bed tray. "Just a second. I'm gonna get you your own water." Steve didn't protest when Bucky grabbed his glass and half leaned out of the room to talk to the nurse on duty. "Can we get some water in here for him? I want my glass back. And refilled. He drank all my water."

The nurse, an elderly woman named Marybelle, smiled. "Sure. I'll be there in a second."

Bucky thanked her, handed off his glass when she had gotten to their room, then walked over to his bed long enough to brace himself against while he unlaced his boots and set them aside. "Cross your legs," he told Steve. "Gimme room to sit on your bed."

Steve didn't argue, just sat back and crossed his legs under him. Bucky joined him, sitting down on the foot of the bed, facing Steve. "You don't have to be scared," Bucky said.

"But you are," Steve pointed out. "If I don't have to be, why are you?" He sounded as firm as he did whenever Bucky needed him to help him hold onto his own sanity and get talked down from an episode.

Bucky looked down at his hands in his lap. "Because I spent decades feeling like that. And you have more memories than I did. I had nothing, just Hydra. I got used to it, but I had no... no real sense of who I was supposed to be but Hydra's weapon who was doing good by dirtying his hands on Hydra's behalf." He looked up at Steve. "Then we met back up in DC and I started remembering. And that was terrifying. Having memories creeping back when you still don't feel like a person, it's scary. And it's nothing I wanted anyone I loved to have to go through."

"A weapon?" This was obviously not in the memories Steve had. Bucky wasn't even sure what time periods Steve might have more memories in than not, or how many. Steve's body reacted differently to medicines than Bucky's did sometimes, although Bucky was dead certain about what caused the memory loss. But he still could be retaining more or less than Bucky had with the first few doses. Working with Steve had the potential to be an exercise in frustration.

He turned that aside to focus on Steve's question. "Yeah. The Winter Soldier. They ... they did a lot of bad things to me. And I did a lot of bad things for them. That's why we go after them now that they don't have their favorite sheep skin to hide behind. You and me, we go out and take their bases down. That's what we were doing when they sedated you and put this stuff in you."

"How long have we been fighting these guys?" Steve asked. "I think I remember doing this a long time ago. It doesn't make sense to me, but I remember it."

"A long damn time," Bucky said. "Back in the forties. We both spent a lot of time frozen for about seven decades or so. We're both back and together again, but Hydra's still our personal pains in the ass."

"You said something back in their lab," Steve said. Bucky was amazed he remembered that much, especially with the way his memory had been fucked with. "What was it?"

"I said a couple things," Bucky admitted. "And you probably need to hear both of them again, if you're going to trust me before this stuff gets out of your system."

"I trust you already. I know I can."

"But do you feel it?"

Steve hesitated, then looked down. "No. Not as much as I think I should. Not yet, but you said that'd pass."

"It will," Bucky said.

Steve looked up at him without moving his head. "But you said something. What was it?"

Bucky took a deep breath. "The weapon, the Winter Soldier, he was a monster. Had no morals, just shot who he was told to. I'm still him." Steve sat back a bit, as if re-evaluating his opinion of Bucky. "But I'm also me," Bucky said quickly. "And the monster may be there, but he loves you as much as I do. You don't have to be afraid of him. That's what I told you."

Steve sat forward again, staring at Bucky like he was making a decision, and his eye contact was enough to make Bucky feel uncomfortable. "I wish it'd make sense, but I believe that."

Bucky felt all his muscles turn to jelly and he released a held breath. "Good. I'd never let you know before how in there he still was. I didn't want you to know."

"Why not?" Steve asked. "You said it wasn't the end of the line yet. I heard that, I remember that, just before the big green thing and those two women showed up. I think I know them, too, but I can't remember their names."

Bucky snorted. "Well, Sharon's gonna love that you've forgotten her name. You're dating her."

Steve stared dead at him for a moment. "I am?"

"You are," Bucky said. "She's the blond. The other woman is Maria Hill, and she's my girlfriend. You and I picked a couple of winners. The green guy was the Hulk. He's someone that Bruce accidentally shoved into his head when he was messing around with radiation. We called him in to help get us out of the lab. Our two princesses and angry dragon came to our rescue."

"And we went after Hydra on our own before?"

Bucky could help but smile. "We did, and we were good at it. But we knew this was a bigger job than what we'd done before. We needed our family to help. There are other Avengers, but they're not really around as much as the five of us." He turned his head when he heard foot steps outside the door. Two sets; first was Marybelle finally showing up with water for them, followed quickly by Bruce, three sketchbooks under one arm and a package of pencils in his other hand.

Bruce handed over the books and pencils. "I didn't realize you were going to share a bed," he said, a teasing smile on his face. "Here, just as requested."

Bucky took the books and pencils and set them on the bed between him and Steve. "It's easier to go through these this way. I'll sleep in my own bed." He glanced at Bruce. "I've got it from here." He thanked Marybelle for the water as he put his glass out of Steve's thieving reach. 

"Just call if you need something," Bruce said. "And don't forget your Ativan if you need it."

"I won't," Bucky promised, then flipped through the sketchbooks, looking for what he felt should be the first memories to reintroduce to Steve.


	11. I'm Seeking Restitution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve looked so discouraged that Bucky couldn't help but hop down off his bed and walk over to Steve's. He brushed his metal hand across Steve's temple and into his hair, petting it down in reassurance. "Even if Bruce can't come up with a way to fix that, you know you won't be alone for it."
> 
> Steve offered him a weak smile that didn't match his words. "I want to feel like a person again."

_getting out of purgatory_   
_is no small accomplishment_   
_and the price is high_   
_and it comes with its own set of conditions_   
_the choice is never clear_   
_and difficult to make_   
_**but it will not change them** _   
-Pat Benatar

Bucky could've stayed up all night with Steve, going through those sketchbooks and telling stories. Steve actually remembered quite a bit more than he realized; most of it was from before the ice, things that went much farther back than the dose he was given could hit. He had some impressions of things since 2011, but most of what he could talk about easily was before the war.

It caused unrest a bit, as Steve would look at Bucky's left arm, or stare at his face closely and make a comment about his hair, as if he'd already forgotten what he'd just been told about. Telling what might stick in Steve's head and what wouldn't was frustrating.

Bruce assured him that scans and the blood work the next morning had to tell them something, good news or bad. He then commanded the two to get some sleep, as those scans started early morning, and Bruce had no problem dealing with an overtired patient and a cranky best friend. It'd be better for everyone if they just got sleep.

Both Steve and Bucky realized how tired they were and how tired they'd be the next day if they didn't heed the doctor's words, so they put the sketchbooks away and settled into their own beds.

Bucky tried to stay up a bit longer, listening to the electronic sound of Steve's heartbeat from the ECG machine, drowning out the sounds of Steve sleeping, but assuring him that he was okay. Out in the nurse's area, Marybelle's sweet-voiced humming was soothing, and threatened to put Bucky right to sleep. He decided to give in after a few more minutes of watching Steve and listening to Marybelle and dropped off to sleep.

Morning came way too early for his tastes, and Bruce was all too happy to wake them up. If Bucky had no neurons firing instead of just a few, he would've flung his pillow at Bruce and told him to go away for another few hours.

"I told you to get to sleep," Bruce told him as Bucky sat up and gave him the grumpiest look he could manage.

"Yes, Mom," Bucky spat, rubbing his eyes. "Lemme guess, Steve gets to sleep through these tests?"

"It wouldn't be hard for him to, no," Bruce said, fiddling with a swivel screen laptop.

"If Bucky has to be awake, I'll stay awake," Steve said.

Bucky looked at him, hopeful that maybe the drug had passed out of his system and it'd be a matter of memory retrieval, but something in his tone of voice lacked the heart behind it. Steve still couldn't make sense of what he knew, like knowing everything as part of a movie he'd watched, only seen bits here and there. That was how Bucky would describe the sensation, and Steve's eyes told him that he was still in that stage of recovery.

Setting aside the worry and allowing himself a dramatic yawn to guilt Bruce, Bucky shoved aside his blankets and sat up, running his hands through his hair. "You can sleep, I don't mind. You're the one we're worried about." He looked at Bruce. "Any news on the blood work front?"

Bruce looked at his computer's touch screen, scrolling the page down. "Your numbers came back one hundred percent fine. You're discharged to go, but I know you're not going to leave, so that's a minor technicality."

"What about mine?" Steve asked. Bucky held his breath, waiting for Bruce's answer.

Bruce frowned, scrolled a bit more, then tapped the side of the monitor. "Your numbers are all good except your thyroid numbers. Your T3/T4 and your TSH are all way below normal. Your metabolism is supposed to be burning six times faster than average. That's why the sedative took so long to get out of your system." He looked up at Steve. "This other drug would also take a long time to get out of your system with these numbers."

Steve looked so discouraged that Bucky couldn't help but hop down off his bed and walk over to Steve's. He brushed his metal hand across Steve's temple and into his hair, petting it down in reassurance. "Even if Bruce can't come up with a way to fix that, you know you won't be alone for it."

Steve offered him a weak smile that didn't match his words. "I want to feel like a person again."

"And you will," Bruce said. "Neither of you gave me a chance to give a plan of treatment." He pulled a pill bottle from his lab coat pocket. "Levothyroxin. Normally prescribed in micrograms, it helps balance thyroid hormone levels, both the T3/T4 and the TSH. I'm prescribing a full milligram. I'm sorry for having to experiment with the dose, but your hormone levels are supposed to be so high that I'm not sure a microgram dose would be enough. We'll start one week on these pills, check your thyroid levels once a day, keep an eye on them. If they start burning too fast, we'll take you off the medicine and see if your body doesn't rebalance naturally."

Bucky looked at Steve. "See? Told you this stuff would get out of your system. You'll be fine soon."

Steve's demeanor brightened a bit. "So when do I take those?" he asked as Bruce set it down on the tray for Steve's bed, next to a mostly empty water mug.

"I'll have you taking one in the morning, when your stomach's sure to be empty. You'll get to eat forty to forty-five minutes after you've taken the pill."

Steve took the bottle and examined the label on it. "So I take it now?"

"Today, no, not until after the scans," Bruce said. "Just to be sure that it doesn't interfere with the contrast for the CT or the tracer for the PET, if we need to run a PET. After you're done with scans, you'll take your medicine, then we'll send for some food for you."

"Mm." Steve studied the bottle another second or two before giving it back to Bruce. "Is it weird that I don't feel hungry right now?"

"Not with your thyroid numbers, no," Bruce said, tucking the bottle back in his pocket. "Although it _has_ been roughly two days since your last likely meal. We'll have you eat at least some broth or something, just to put something in your system."

"You're the doctor."

He still sounded like Steve. Spoke like Steve. Acted like Steve. But Bucky knew that feeling of detachment was always there, always coloring how he thought. Nothing had changed his personality. It didn't tend to. Not at that dose.

But it was like he was a ghost, something so integral missing, something to anchor him to his own skin.

Bruce gave them a chance to do morning necessities; there were toothbrushes and toothpaste in the bathroom, and a comb. Bucky didn't like the comb; it really didn't do much good on longer hair without a lot of tugging and pulling.

Steve, naturally, had no problem with it, and actually tried to fuss with his hair, trying to make it sit how he liked it without the help of that goop he used. Bucky tried to help him get as close as possible, but when it became obvious that Bucky was more of a hindrance than a help, Steve shooed him away. He gave it one more try before giving up and setting the comb back down on the counter.

Bucky yanked on his boots while Steve returned from that last failed attempt with his hair. "So what scan are we doing first?" he asked Bruce.

"A CT scan," Bruce answered, eyeing Bucky. "And I know this won't go over well, but you'll be staying here."

Bucky's head snapped up to stare at him. "The hell I am!"

Bruce was obviously ready for a fight on the matter. "Bucky, it'll take all of a half hour. If I have to do a PET scan, I'll let you know, since that one takes longer. For now, I want you here, call the girls in. You can update them."

"How about me?" Tony asked from the doorway. He knocked on the door frame belatedly.

Oh wonderful, just what Bucky wanted for breakfast. Mister Tough Conversations.

Bruce turned. "Of course. I'm keeping everyone in the loop." He glanced at Bucky. "Bucky might be a bit too sleepy to be much help to you though."

Thank you, Bruce.

"Well, this should perk him up," Tony said. "I just got back from the lab, talking with JARVIS about the DNA. Both sets of mutations are still stable. So they're safe from developing cancer or turning into werewolves or something."

"Good," Bruce said, and Bucky sighed with relief. Steve seemed to echo that sentiment, although that was another thing that Bucky wasn't sure of whether it'd be processed correctly or not.

Bucky and Tony both wished Steve well with the scans, then remained quiet as Bruce led him out of the room and back towards radiology. Bucky pulled his feet back out of his unlaced boots to hop back up on the bed. "So you're going to talk."

"I'm hoping you will, actually," Tony said, leaning against the foot of Bucky's bed. "After we get the girls here. We need updates on Cap's health."

"We'll know more after the scans, you know," Bucky said. "Bruce can do this better than me."

"On that front, sure," Tony said, nodding his head to the side in agreement. "But you're the only one that understands this memory loss he's got, and I think his girlfriend and the other member of your team that you dragged out there deserve an update on it. You were all in that lab for the same reason, you should all know what happened in there."

Then he held up a USB that Bucky recognized. "And then there's what you took out of there and dropped on my lap. But we'll discuss this later, after we can talk to Bruce and Cap."

Bucky studied the USB for a long moment before looking at Tony. "You're going to send us into hiding over that."

Tony put the USB back in his pocket. "I'm prepared for it. It depends on how we handle what's on it. Like I said in New Mexico, we might have to find a quieter place to operate from."

In other words, yes. Bucky kept his lack of joy to himself until the others could chime in. He didn't want to move again. He had just become accustomed to the Tower.

"But that's not the issue at the moment," Tony continued. "The girlfriends deserve an update where Cap's not going to be sitting there, feeling like something's wrong with him for not remembering them or whatever it is that's going on in his head right now. So. JARVIS? Tell the girls to get down here."

"Right away, sir," JARVIS replied.

While JARVIS did his job and they were left waiting for the women to wake up and get around- it was early and both had been exhausted the night before -Tony and Bucky sat mostly in silence. At least for a few minutes, before Tony broke the quiet. "How about you? How are you doing?"

"Physically? Hundred percent fine," Bucky said. "Otherwise? The Soldier's gone back to sleep in my head, that's something."

"A good something," Tony said. "I think Bucky's the only one that's needed right now."

"I am," Bucky replied. "I think the Soldier would scare Steve right now. He needs a best friend who found the way out of that place he's in now."

Tony glanced towards the door as if watching for someone. "I'd ask you where that place is, but in the name of not making you repeat yourself, I'll wait until Sharon and Maria get here."

"I don't know how I'm gonna explain to Sharon that he probably still doesn't remember who she is," Bucky said, looking down at the ground. "Last night was hard enough for her."

"She might feel better with sleep," Tony said. "Sleep is a good panacea."

"Maybe."

They fell back into a worried silence, worry for their teammates, and now worry that Bucky had been reminded of with that USB. He tried to put that worry aside and focus on Steve's well-being, and the well-being of Maria and Sharon. The people came first.

Sharon was the first to show, looking sleep deprived and red-eyed. Bucky got off the bed and motioned her over. "Feeling any better?"

She wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face against him. "I think," she said, voice muffled against Bucky's shirt. "Is he going to be okay?"

Bucky didn't even hesitate to answer that yes, Steve would be fine. "It might take awhile, though," he warned her. 

"Take awhile for what?" Maria asked, walking into the room. Sharon offered to give her her boyfriend back, but Maria declined. "You need that hug more than I do right now."

Sharon didn't protest and kept a clinging grip on Bucky.

"For Steve to recover," Tony said. He waved his hand at Bucky. "He's the guy that knows what's up."

"Bruce just took him off for scans," Bucky said, adjusting his grip on Sharon to make it slightly more comfortable. "He's doing a CT, looking for physical damage. I really really doubt he'll find any. If he doesn't, he's gonna give Steve a PET, look at his brain activity, see where the drugs hit him hardest." He frowned. The PET would be a longer test, Bruce had said, and he'd left it open about whether Bucky would join him for that or not. He'd better be prepared for the overprotective big brother to be joining him.

"What about blood work? Maria asked. "And the DNA scans?"

"The DNA scans I can answer," Tony said. "They're both clear. Mutations are still stable. Weird, but stable."

Maria seemed relieved, then looked back at Bucky for an answer to the rest of her question.

"Blood work's clear, except his thyroid," Bucky said. "They hit him with something to slow down his metabolism enough for their drugs to take effect. They probably were more concerned with the sedative. They looked like they were about to try to operate on him when I got to the lab. I'd guess to remove the comm chip. I don't know why else they'd be taking a scalpel to him."

Sharon didn't say anything or even make a noise, but her arms around Bucky tightened. Bucky patted her back lightly.

"What about your blood work?" Maria asked, and Bucky had a feeling that question might've been the first one she wanted to ask, but everyone else's attention had been on Steve.

"Hundred percent clear," he said. "I think they gave me a dose of what I know they gave to Steve, but it cleared out damn quick."

"What is it?"

"A drug that affects memory," Bucky said, then went silent, trying to find a way to describe it that wouldn't scare Sharon too much. The others waited patiently, something Bucky appreciated. Learning his language had been one of the best things they could've done for him. It meant nobody got upset when it took him more time to put things into words.

After a moment, he gave up. Gentler words just weren't there. "It doesn't erase everything- that requires the chair and a much higher dose over a long period of time." he said. "But what memories it doesn't kill, it makes it so that they don't make sense. He has no concept of self. He's got memory loss, but that's spotty and a bit unstable. The main thing is that even if he remembers you, it won't make sense to him that he does."

He looked at Sharon who had sidestepped a bit to only hang onto Bucky on one side, instead of hogging the whole front side of him. "He might not remember you. Most of the memories we've found are from before the war. He's got some spotty memories since he came out from under the ice, but my arm and hair keep confusing him. I doubt he remembers any of you."

Sharon's expression crumpled and she buried her face against Bucky again. She was quiet about it, but he could feel her sobs against his shoulder. Maria looked down at the floor and grabbed Bucky's hand. Bucky was surprised to see that Tony's eyes were wet. Tony never did like losing friends, but Bucky had never seen him cry.

With a sigh, Bucky rested his head on Sharon's. "Hey, easy. We have a treatment plan for his metabolism, that'll kick the drug out faster. After detox, it's just a matter of bringing back memories." He lifted his head and Sharon glanced up at him. "Just think of it this way- he gets to fall in love with you all over again."

That got a wobbly smile from her. "This isn't a Nicholas Sparks book, Bucky."

"Okay, so I tried. But I don't think I'm wrong."

Sharon let him go and broke a moments long silence that fell over the group, asking the question that was on everyone's minds. "What do we next?"

"That's the fifty million dollar question," Tony said, pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezed tightly shut. He dropped his hand and blinked a few times, the wetness of the almost-tears wiped away with the action. "We need to get that drug out of his system before we can make any moves, and that's bad."

"What moves are you thinking?" Maria asked. She was still holding Bucky's hand.

Tony glanced at the door. "We can't solidify anything without at least Bruce. Cap may be okay to go with whatever because of the memory loss, but we need to know if this thyroid treatment of his is gonna work." He pushed himself away from the foot of the bed, straightening. "Come on, we'll have more room for an Avengers pow-wow in the radiology waiting room than in here."

"Shouldn't an Avengers pow-wow take place in a secured location?" Maria asked, even as she turned to follow Tony out of the room. Bucky took hold of Sharon's hand, giving her a bit of comfort. She was getting hurt just as hard by this as Bucky was, possibly more. At least Steve remembered Bucky, but if he didn't regain any other memories, he still didn't know Sharon. That was a helluva loss for her to deal with.

"It will," Tony said. "For now, our pow-wow can amount to 'does he get more scans' and 'what are the results?' We can't make any sort of play if we don't know what's going on with Cap's health."

The radiology department wasn't terribly far from the Avengers' wing, and the waiting room outside of it was spacious, and most importantly, empty. Tony took a seat where he wouldn't be seen from the hall, but neither would he see anyone coming unless he half stood and leaned backwards over a low wall that separated the waiting area from the hall. Bucky decided that he wanted to be able to see Bruce and hopefully Steve both coming down the hall and sat on the other side of a table with magazines from him. The girls joined him, Maria taking his left to hold his metal hand, and Sharon took the other side for a slightly softer shoulder to lean against.

"You have some ideas for plays, don't you?" Bucky asked Tony once they were settled.

Tony sat back, looking at the magazines. He leaned forward and grabbed one, looking at it. "So how many times has Jennifer Aniston been pregnant and dumped by now?"

"Tony."

Tony tossed the magazine back on the table. "I have a lot of worst case scenarios running in my head and most of them end with dead Avengers and I don't like it. But I told you back in New Mexico, that nest you decided to help me kick had Japanese hornets in it. We didn't just find Hydra in a country in the Middle East, they were in _Israel_. If you guys did any research before you left, you know that that's not good."

"We did," Bucky said. "And we know. You also know we had no choice about taking that job, and just leaving Hydra hiding in Israel's government was only going to result in more labs."

"I'm not saying you didn't," Tony said. He tilted his head back over the edge of the wall. "Did Bruce say how long these scans took?"

"About a half an hour," Bucky said. "Unless he has to do a PET scan."

"And that one will take..?"

"Up to three hours."

Tony swore. "I'd like to get to this before then." Then he sighed. "But you can't rush medicine. And in the meantime, we shouldn't try to make any plans. We need Bruce's input, and we need to know what Cap's gonna be good for, with that memory loss of his." He raised an eyebrow in Bucky's direction.

Bucky knew that look was a request for him to step in. "You could just ask instead of silently hinting at me," he said.

"This way's more fun," Tony said. "But fine. Once he regains his sense of self, how long can we expect on his memories?"

"No idea," Bucky said, and Tony snorted in annoyance. "It's taken me a couple years, but like I have to keep telling Steve, I had that and the chair used constantly on me for decades. I honestly don't know how long it'll take Steve to regain his memories."

"Think he'd still be good in a fight once that stuff wears off?" Tony asked.

Ah, there was the heart of what Tony wanted to know. "Probably," Bucky said. "The stuff never made me have to retrain. They would've put me down and declared the project a failure if it had."

The biomechtium in his left hand shifted slightly as Maria's hand tightened around it.

"As far as if that's a good idea, I couldn't say." Bucky shrugged his free shoulder, his brain starting to go down a deep slope the more he followed that thought train. "Putting me in the field wasn't too bad, it got me out of the apartment at least, but-" he paused, looking down at Sharon. Her wide brown eyes made him hesitant to continue but oh fuck it, everyone else on the team knew by then. "-but it gave the Soldier more run than he probably should've been given."

She sat up, a small frown on her face. "I thought the Soldier was just your name," she said.

Christ, here we go. "You know how Bruce is the Hulk but yet not?" At her nod, he continued. "Imagine if the Hulk wasn't an entirely separate entity and nowhere near as polar opposite. I use the Soldier's training and mindset to do my missions. He had better training than the Army gave me. It's not really the same, but I can act like a real asshole when I'm relying on what Hydra stuck in my brain."

She was quiet a moment, then shrugged. "As long as he stops freaking me out by wearing his face gear everywhere, I don't care."

Maria actually laughed. It was a tired laugh born of two much worry, not enough sleep, and perhaps still a drop of adrenaline. "Sharon, let him have his security blankets. You keep your gun with you everywhere."

Security blankets? Bucky gave his girlfriend a dirty look.

"Okay, that's fair, I guess," Sharon said. "So when was I going to get let in on this?"

Bucky heaved a sigh. "Preferably never, for any of you, but it seems everyone here knows, and it's just as well. It might accidentally play in with Steve."

That ended any sense of light in the conversation. "What do you mean?" Sharon asked, voice cautious.

Bucky slumped in his seat. "I'm not sure," he admitted, not wanting to think further on it, but they needed answers that only Bucky could possibly give. "They didn't give him any training, didn't have time to, but so far, most of his memories are old. And if they return anything like mine, they're gonna go from both sides. He's going to remember that laboratory like it's the most terrifying thing in existence. That empty feeling that drug gives is trauma by itself. He's going to be working through a lot of nightmares just from that alone, add in the last couple years, regular danger with a best friend who takes too much enjoyment from killing his enemies to come out the winner, his sleep's not gonna come easy for awhile."

"But coming the other way?" Sharon said.

"Well, there's Project Rebirth, so that's two science projects that he'll be remembering at the same time," Bucky said. "Likely, anyway. Please remember that I'm guessing at this based on what happened to me. Everything in my past had to work its way forward, but the most recent was working its way back. They met up about the time I fell from the train."

"Which he will probably remember about the same," Tony said. "So in other words, he might be okay to fight, but keeping him functioning outside of the battlefield's gonna be tough."

Bucky felt uncomfortable and had to stop himself from clenching his occupied fists. "For awhile, anyway. And can I _please_ repeat that I am guessing based on my own experience with this?"

"Which is more than the rest of us have to base anything on," Tony said. "For now, we'll assume that's how it'll go for him. So putting a Captain America used to having to work with the Winter Soldier and keep up with his nuttery - no offense-"

"None taken."

"-who's also potentially remembering Hydra as responsible for that and whatever else might've happened in the past might not be the most stable on the battlefield. And that's going to cut him deep."

"Yeah." Bucky glanced up over the edge of the half wall, hoping the footsteps he heard were from Bruce.

A nurse passed by. No Bruce.

Once the nurse was well past them, Bucky looked back at his feet. "Steve never lost sight of his moral compass, as far as I could tell. Not back then. He probably won't go as cold as the Winter Soldier was made to be. But he'll be angry. It'll be more than just a fight against the bad guys. It hasn't entirely been that when it came to Hydra for awhile now. Not since I came home. He's gotten ruthless since then."

"Which some of us know well."

Bucky winced, but didn't comment on it, more concerned with the horrible thought tumbling out of his mouth. More things in his brain that needed to be known. "We put a traumatized Captain America out on the field against Hydra when I'm along and in potential danger, I honestly can't say how that'd affect him or what he'd do. I want to believe that Steve would stay Steve, but until we're sure his memories are stable, I would say it's a bad idea."

"You really think that Steve is even capable of going that far?" Sharon asked, her pretty brown eyes looking downright scared, and even with that fear, Bucky could see how Steve had fallen for them. That was the man she loved that Bucky was talking about, and she had less of an idea of how Steve was in the battlefield, certainly less than Bucky did on what Steve would do for Bucky. Even he wasn't sure how to answer that question.

But he owed it to her to look for one. "I don't know," Bucky admitted. "I know I easily said no earlier, but Hydra's been in his head now. Once they're in, they never get out. Maybe I'm wrong, and he'll be fine once that drug is gone and his memories are worked back into his head. I hope I am. But I know Hydra almost better than I know Steve. Just that drug might be enough to keep that fear in him. And enough fear, even Steve might lash back. It's just a question of how hard, what way, and who gets hit."

"I can't believe this is Cap we're talking about," Tony said, sitting back and rubbing his forehead. "If he hadn't done what he did when your arm got damaged, I'd say it was impossible that this is Cap you're talking about. Mister Star Spangled Banner, God Bless America, All Around Boy Scout."

"There's a lot more to Steve than what the press was allowed to know back then," Bucky said. "I can't even believe what I'm saying. I don't _want_ to. I'm only guessing based on what I know how things went for me, and what I know of Steve when it comes to Hydra."

Tony looked up around the edge of the wall again. "Damnit, Bruce, where are you?"

"He said a half hour," Bucky said. "I haven't been talking _that_ long."

"No," Tony admitted, settling back down. "I'm just getting impatient."

"We all are," Maria said. "But I think at this point, we're stuck."

Tony made an annoyed noise. "Yeah. I don't have anything I can do right now and I hate that." He sat back in his seat, looking like a temperamental king on a piss poor throne. "I have your dad-" he motioned to Maria "-and Peter in hiding until we're sure things are cleared. Got Sam out in New Mexico, getting fitted with new wings." He looked at Bucky. "Good suggestion with him. He'll be joining us tomorrow, I think. They had to find the old blueprints and size them to him first. But his record with them is impressive."

"Told you," Bucky said, not feeling up for being smug about it. "Steve trusted his back to him. Led a Hydra quinjet on a helluva chase around one of the Insight helicarriers, or so he said. I'd buy it. Steve only trusts the best to be out there."

"So we're rounding up the Avengers?" Maria asked, letting go of Bucky's hand to sit forward, elbows on her knees and her hands folded together.

"Getting ready to," Tony said. "I'll tell you more when Bruce gets-" He paused at the sound of footsteps and looked up over the wall again. "Speak of the devil."

Bucky frowned as Bruce stopped behind Tony. "Where's Steve?"

Bruce, who'd just leaned down on the wall to look at the group and keep Tony in sight, straightened back up. "Still in radiology. CT scan isn't showing anything, so I'm running a PET. I was coming back to get you, but it sounds like there's something I need to be in on."

"Only if you think Cap and Bucky's hospital room is too small for all of us," Tony said.

Bruce looked back towards the rooms. "Might be a tight fit, but I think we can do it. We need more privacy?"

"We didn't have privacy out here when you were pumping me for information on Steve," Bucky pointed out. "Bruce, why is Steve alone back in radiology?"

"Because he has to sit still for an hour while the tracer gets into his system. I was coming to get you. But it sounds like there's something I need to be updated on."

Ah. "So Steve's fine?"

"Bored, but fine, yes."

"Then come sit. I'm not repeating what I said, but these three have good memories."

"Things the doctor needs to know?" Bruce asked, stepping around into the room to sit next to Tony.

"Things that we all need to know as a team," Tony said. "Bucky thinks Cap's gonna have to be benched for awhile, even after that garbage gets out of him."

"Based on my own experiences, which may not be reliable," Bucky interrupted.

Tony cast him a baleful look. "You said you weren't repeating yourself, so be quiet and don't repeat yourself."

Bucky held up his hands in surrender. "You're right, I did. So I'm gonna leave this to you. Maria, please keep his special brand of smart ass out of this discussion," he said, getting up.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

He paused and looked at her. "To the bathroom. Do you want details?"

That got another of those anxiety born laughs, this time from the others. Maria took in a deep breath, starting at him like she was either going to join them in the laughing, or strangle him. "No, not really."

"Then I leave this group to you," he said, wandering off.

He wasn't really in need of the facilities, although a chance to use them wasn't a bad idea. Mostly, he just wanted privacy to absorb his own words. He had to be wrong. He had to be. There was no way Steve would turn feral on them, that wasn't like him.

But using Tony hadn't been like him, either. Eliminating everything in his life but one person wasn't like him either. He liked his friends too much, had some for the first time his life that didn't have the name Barnes attached, reducing his life to one person wasn't like him. At least, it shouldn't have been. And hating Hydra as much as Bucky had seen from him wasn't like him either. Steve didn't hate. Steve had strong opinions, but he didn't hate. Not the hatred Bucky had seen from him in other missions against Hydra.

Taking on Hydra without anything in his head but them to stabilize him might be impossible for him to do without losing a very important part of himself. And Bucky wasn't going to let that happen.

He stood at the sink, staring at his reflection, the red eyes, the tears of frustration and grief that he hadn't realized he'd been holding back reflecting off the light. He splashed water on his face to wash them away.

"Should I go get one of your Ativan?" Bruce's voice asked from behind him.

Bucky whirled, one hand gripping the sink as he spun back to the sink's side, his other hand over his heart. "Jesus, Bruce, don't do that to me." How'd he get by Bucky's normally good reflexes, anyway?

He'd been too lost in his own brain, that was how.

"Sorry," Bruce said. "But you look like you should go back to the room for your medicine. The others caught me up, I'm free to take you to radiology to wait on Steve if you want, but I want you to take an Ativan first. You didn't even hear me come in."

Bucky leaned back against the wall, his arms dropping to his side. "Yeah, I know. Where are the others?"

"Still there," Bruce said. "I told them they don't get to discuss any plans until we're done. I might tell Tony to sit on that USB and let it chafe him if I have to to see if the thyroid medicine works."

Bucky rubbed his eyes with his still wet hands, then grabbed a couple towels from the dispenser, drying his face and then his hands, taking care with his left hand. "They might try anyway."

"I know, but they can't make anything solid until we know where Steve stands with his medicine." Bruce watched as Bucky threw the towels away. "I'm not going to repeat the question about if you're sure. I'm just going to take it as a medical possibility."

"Thank you," Bucky said. "I was tired of repeating that."

Bruce gave him a half-hearted smile. "You forget, we've never known anything but Steve's good side. It's hard for us to believe that he even has a bad side to him. But you know him better, you know Hydra better. I'm going to follow your ideas until Steve proves otherwise, because you know more than me." He paused. "But I guess my next question should be, if we're worried about Captain America going out of control, what do we have to worry about from the Winter Soldier?"

Bucky didn't answer right away, even though that was an answer he knew. "If we have to bench Steve, you're going to have to bench me."

"I figured as much," Bruce said. "Which will bench me, and possibly the girls, to help keep you two under control and under medical watch. But that's for us to worry about later. Come on, let's go get you your medicine and get you over to radiology."

"Can we have a nurse get that medicine?" Bucky asked, ignoring Bruce's probably very true statement. "I don't wanna go by the others again. Not right now."

Bruce nodded. "I can have Jo bring them. You can have two. That talk you had with the others must've been draining."

"Everyone's looking at me to tell them what's going to happen and I'm not a damn fortune teller," Bucky said. "I only know Hydra and Steve and where they mix and I know it's not going to be good." He sighed. "Believe it or not, I'm not that great of a leader unless I have to be. I don't want to be the leader this time."

"I know," Bruce said. "But you might not have a choice."

Bucky didn't answer. But he knew Bruce was right. Steve would need him to be, the others would need him to be.

He wished they'd never gone to that stupid base in the first place.

"All right," he said. "Radiology."

"Radiology," Bruce agreed.

The bathroom door slammed behind them on their way out.


	12. Haunted By Their Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve didn't look convinced, flitted his gaze over to the pile of sketchbooks on his table. "Has Bruce ever done a scan on you to be sure?"
> 
> Damn. That was a question he couldn't answer truthfully without making Steve worry more. But, he wasn't going to be dishonest with his own best friend over something so important. "No," he admitted. "By the time we got here where Bruce could do them, the feeling you have now was long gone and I still didn't trust doctors. What you're seeing here with me in the hospital and subjecting myself to blood draws is a damn miracle." He leaned over the rail and pressed his cheek against Steve's. "Hey, trust your big brother on this, yeah? You'll be fine."

_i've seen the anger_   
_and i've seen all the dreams_   
_and I've watched an existence_   
_torn apart by the seams_   
_and though i may seem helpless_   
_i will do all that i can do_   
_i've seen a part of people_   
_**that I never really wanted to share** _   
_i've seen a part of people_   
_that I never knew was there_   
-Sarah McLachlan

Tony wanted to grab them right away as they left radiology. Bucky told him to go home an annoy Pepper, he and Steve were both tired, and hadn't gotten much sleep. The girls took the hint and herded a protesting Tony away.

Bucky's stress levels had gotten high enough that he took two of his Ativan, knowing that the full milligram between them would actually let him sleep awhile. Before he drifted off, he shot a look to Steve, who looked close to the same. Figuring that they'd both get the needed sleep, he let himself drop into a medicated and heavy sleep.

He had no idea how long it was before he woke up, but his head hurt from it. He stretched and quietly got up, not wanting to wake Steve. Steve, however, wasn't asleep. In fact, he was awake, laying down facing Bucky, and looking utterly dejected. Bucky walked over to him. "Didn't sleep well?"

Steve shook his head. "Didn't sleep at all." He heaved a deep sighed. "Tried drawing what I remember, but I ran out of things in my head." He looked up at Bucky. "So what happens if Bruce finds something off in that scan?"

Bucky wanted to hug him, hold him like he did when Steve got nightmares when they were kids, or when Steve had one of his migraines, but Steve's position and the broken safety rail made it hard, so he put his metal hand on the non-broken parts of the rail and reached out to pet Steve's hair back. "It just means that we're right about a drug doing that. That's all. It doesn't mean that whatever bad it is won't go away. It will. We just need to get your metabolism up to kick that drug out and you'll be fine."

Steve didn't look convinced, flitted his gaze over to the pile of sketchbooks on his table. "Has Bruce ever done a scan on you to be sure?"

Damn. That was a question he couldn't answer truthfully without making Steve worry more. But, he wasn't going to be dishonest with his own best friend over something so important. "No," he admitted. "By the time we got here where Bruce could do them, the feeling you have now was long gone and I still didn't trust doctors. What you're seeing here with me in the hospital and subjecting myself to blood draws is a damn miracle." He leaned over the rail and pressed his cheek against Steve's. "Hey, trust your big brother on this, yeah? You'll be fine."

Steve pressed back against Bucky's cheek, a familiar gesture from long ago. "You'd better not be lying to me about this, Bucky. I remember enough that I can guilt you for it."

Bucky couldn't help a smile as he straightened. "I know you can. You can do it without trying. Would it help if I asked Bruce to give me a PET scan? See what's up so we can compare yours against mine?"

Steve looked to be seriously considering that. "Depends on what he finds," he finally settled on.

"Then I'll ask him when he gets here."

"Ask who what?" Speak of the devil.

Bucky looked at the doorway to see Bruce with his computer in hand again. "Depending on what you find there, we want a PET done on me. Just for comparison. Make Steve feel a bit better."

Bruce blinked a few times as if he hadn't ever considered giving Bucky a scan of any sort, although Bucky knew that wasn't true; it was more likely surprise that Bucky would consent, followed by a head shake that cleared away the disbelief as his expression changed from one of surprise to one of a complete lack of it. "Well, I can, if it'd make Steve feel better." He looked at Steve."Did you get any sleep?"

Steve shook his head.

"Then you'll eat before we do anything to Bucky. But first, why don't we go over your own scans?"

Steve sat up in his bed, curling his legs underneath him, something he didn't do before, that being something that Bucky did that actually usually annoyed Steve. Bucky wondered if Steve was trying to emulate him, and if he was, would that go away once he'd detoxed. Either way, it was odd.

Bruce tapped at his screen a few times, then turned it to show the other two. "Everything's normal except this extra activity here in the prefrontal cortex," he said, motioning to a section of Steve's brain that was lit up brighter where the rest wasn't. "That's one of several parts of the brain that targets long term memory, and the formation of short term memory. One of the things that separates it from the other memory sections is that the long term memory targeted is not task based. Thus why Bucky never had to retrain after his doses and the mindwipes."

Steve looked at Bucky, and it took Bucky a second to figure out why. "He's right. The only 'retraining' I ever got was just getting caught up on new technology. All my skills they'd taught me stayed in place." He looked at Bruce. "So safe conclusion is that I was right about that drug?"

"I agree, yes," Bruce said. He looked between them. "I can take those scans on Bucky, if you want, but I want you to eat first, Steve."

Steve slumped in his seat a bit. "My stomach doesn't really feel good."

"I know," Bruce said. "Worry does that. But some of that might be that you haven't eaten anything since possibly two days ago. I want you to eat food. You've had your medicine, you've had time to let it get into your system, it's time for you to eat." He looked at Bucky. "If I'm scanning you, you get nothing."

Bucky made a face. "You'll make me sit there and watch him eat while I'm starving?"

"Yes." Bruce displayed no hesitation in how fast that statement came out.

"You can go on ahead," Steve said. "I can eat, then catch up. You won't be able to talk to me or do anything for an hour anyway. It's boring, by the way. Just to warn you."

"I know," Bucky said. "I sat there and waited on you. But you eat, I'll go do the whole sitting still thing for awhile. He looked back at Bruce. "What kind of meal are you going to give him so I can warn him how bad it might be?"

Bruce shook his head slightly. "Not much. I don't want to reintroduce food into his system too fast. I'll have Jo bring in some milk and some broth and some crackers. All easy on the stomach." Bruce peered at him over the tops of his glasses. "If I were any other doctor in any other place, I'd be demanding you present medical power of attorney to be making these calls for him."

"I know," Bucky said. "But I won't let any other doctor see to us anyway."

"I take that as a compliment," Bruce said. "I guess if we're scanning you, come on."

Bucky pointed at Steve before following Bruce out. "You eat. I mean it."

"I will," Steve promised.

Bruce stopped at the nurse's desk long enough to have Jo send for the food, then led Bucky back down to radiology. "How's you chase off Tony and the others?" Bruce asked on their way past the radiology waiting area.

"Told them how tired we were and how cranky that made me," Bucky said. "A cranky Bucky Barnes is a mean thing to deal with."

"And are you still cranky?"

"No, just worried about Steve. I got some sleep."

"With Ativan?"

Bucky looked at him. "How else? I took that third one I turned down earlier."

"Which means you're out for the day," Bruce said, leading him into the room where Bucky would be spending the next hour bored out of his mind. "Consult with me before you take any more."

"Yes, Doctor."

The tracer process was slightly terrifying, as it involved a needle and Bucky couldn't take that 'consult with Bruce' fourth Ativan, but then it was a lot of boredom. Bucky had to struggle to keep from fidgeting. In an act of desperation, he pulled the Soldier back out and let him envelope him in his stillness, his ability to sit like a statue while waiting for his target to move into position.

He had to quickly shove the Soldier away for the actual scan, though. He'd been handy for fighting the boredom and the need to move, but the scan itself probably wouldn't sit well with him. It barely sat well with Bucky.

Praise and hallelujah, Bruce let him have food as soon as he got back to his room and all that was left to do was wait for the results. It was hospital food, and his standards for food were not met, but it was food and Bucky was very hungry, so he set aside his snobbery and devoured his meal.

He offered a bit to Steve, but Steve turned him down, said he'd gotten enough earlier, and that it was obvious that Bucky needed it more anyway.

Bruce returned some time later, again with his charting computer. "It should comfort you both to know that Bucky's scans came back clean," he said, showing them both the scan image. "I believe that once the drug is gone, that activity in your brain will cease, Steve. So it's safe to say there's nothing permanently wrong with you."

That put more relief on Steve's face than Bucky had seen since he woke up from the sedative. "Or with Bucky."

"Or with Bucky," Bruce agreed.

Bucky studied Steve. That had been said with more awareness than anything else since finding him. The levothyroixin hadn't been in his system that long, he couldn't possibly be that close to detox, could he?

Fortunately, Bucky had slept earlier, so if detox was coming yet that day, he'd be awake to help Steve through all of it.

Detox, however, did not start that day, so it was a slow day of frustration and impatient waiting. They were given another meal, this time with more food for Steve. Steve's blood was drawn again and sent off to pathology. They sat on Steve's bed, sometimes looking through the older sketchbook at the pictures they hadn't gotten to the night before, sometimes just playing cards because what else could they do? They were waiting for something that no longer seemed like it was coming any time soon.

They had another meal, a bit more time awake, Bucky talking Steve through the slow process of reestablishing some more recent memories. It wasn't taking, not with the drug still in him, but it gave them something to do before they both gave up and went to sleep.

The next day was different. They had just finished breakfast- Steve with a generous portion that made Bucky decide to start watching Steve like a hawk for signs of withdrawal, since his metabolism was obviously rising -when Sam knocked on their door frame and stepped in.

"Hey, how're my two favorite Wonder Twins?" he asked, trying to sound like nothing was wrong, but Bucky could hear an off tone.

Steve looked at Bucky. "But we're not twins."

"We'd better be your favorites," Bucky snapped at Sam, leaving Steve's statement for the moment. "We're better than those lame comic superheroes." Then he looked at Steve. "It's a joke. The Wonder Twins are a pair of superheroes in a bad comic book world. Sam just thinks he's funny."

"I'm always funny," Sam retorted. "But no, really, how are you guys?"

"Waiting for detox," Bucky said, nodding his head in Steve's direction. "Then working on memory retrieval."

"Long process," Sam said. "Took you awhile."

Bucky covered his face with his hands. "How many times do I have to point out to people that I had a _lot_ more years to work through?"

Sam raised his hands in surrender, leaning against the foot of Bucky's bed. "Fair enough." He looked at Steve. "How you doin,' man?"

Steve stared at him. "You're Sam Wilson, right?"

"Yeah, brother," Sam said. "One of your good friends. Took out Hydra with you, had fun knocking down a few helicarriers with you, take you and your Avenger friends on tours around the Mall. We met because you run stupidly fast."

Steve nodded in a distracted manner. "I've been told. I'm sorry, I don't remember."

Sam looked like he wanted to have Bucky take over, and Bucky almost did, but Sam managed to keep moving. "That's fine. You will. You got a whole set of Avengers to help out. And you dragged me into this group, I hope you know. But it got me a new set of wings, so I suppose I can forgive you."

Steve slowly looked at Bucky for help translating that. Bucky gave Sam a tired look. "You made yourself an Avenger by helping three of them take on Hydra. Don't blame him."

"Except now I'm an official Avenger," Sam protested. "I gotta help take care of things that apparently you two dropped in our laps."

"That's my fault," Bucky said. "I recommended Tony recruit you and just build you new wings. I knew you were up for the job."

"Thanks," Sam said, his usual wit gone. He sounded sincere. "You've come a helluva long way from when I first saw you after you came home."

Bucky almost said something, but Steve's voice saying his name in a weak fashion drew his attention quickly away from Sam. Steve was starting to look pale and was shaking a bit, a thin sheen of sweat beading on his forehead.

Fuck. Detox. Just in time.

Bucky flew off his bed and across the room to Steve. "Sam, go get Bruce."

Sam followed him over. "What's going on? What should I tell him?"

"The withdrawal's started," Bucky said, reaching for Steve's hand. "Go get him. Go!"

Sam practically disappeared in a puff of smoke for how fast he moved.

Bucky ripped off the safety rail from Steve's bed- he'd have to apologize to Bruce later -and reached out for Steve. "Come on, Steve, lay down, let's lay down, you'll feel better." Steve had to be guided down from sitting up, rolled onto his side to face Bucky. Sweat was already dripping down his face and he was pale and shaking, like he was suffering heat stroke. It was a cold sweat, though; his skin was cool to the touch when Bucky put his flesh hand on Steve's forehead. The fever hadn't started yet.

The shaking quickly turned to rocking, and Bucky was half bent over, trying to help Steve stay still. The lack of the safety rail posed a problem in that regard, but Bucky wasn't going to leave that thing up for Steve to start hitting his head against if it got that far.

"Bucky."

"I'm right here, Steve," Bucky answered, even though Steve's tone suggested that his brain was far away and nowhere near where Bucky actually was. "I've got you, it's okay."

Steve started to yell his name, flailing and trying to get away from Bucky's grip when Bucky grabbed his arms. "Lemme go, I gotta catch him!"

Aw shit. Bucky was hoping that since it'd been such a relatively small dose that Steve had been given, he'd skip the hallucinations, but apparently not.

Bucky wrapped his arms completely around Steve, keeping him from thrashing too much as Steve continued to yell his name, babbling about catching him, about not looking at him like that because he _knew_ him and there wasn't really anything Bucky could do about that. He tried anyway, continued to assure him it was okay, he was right there.

Bruce came running in seconds later. "How bad is it?" he demanded, stepping up next to Bucky.

"He's hallucinating," Bucky said. "Mostly, he thinks he still has to catch-" he winced as Steve yanked on Bucky's grip and almost pulled free. "He's remembering me falling, and he's remembering us meeting when I didn't know who he was."

Steve switched his movement from side to side to pulling back away completely, right out of Bucky's arms and against the far safety rail, curling up. "Get away, get away!"

Bucky wasn't sure what was going through his head now, but Steve was terrified. "Bruce, you might want to stand back. I don't know if he'll try to hit anyone. I killed an old street bum because my hallucinations made me panic."

"I hope Steve won't go that far," Bruce said in worried understatement. "I didn't think he'd be hallucinating at all."

"Neither did I," Bucky said, crouching down to be at face-level with Steve. "Hey, it's okay," he said softly to him. "Nobody's going to hurt you."

Steve was shaking like a leaf, hands over his ears, eyes shut tight, legs curled up against his chest and rocking. "No, no, leave me alone. Get away."

Bruce gently reached towards Steve. "Steve, it's okay, you're at the Tower," he said.

Steve shot his elbow up to smack away Bruce's hand before curling back up. "Get away," he said again, almost a desperate whisper. "Bucky doesn't know me, what did you do to him?"

Bruce dropped his hand and looked at Bucky. "I don't think I need to know where his mind is right now."

Bucky's lips pursed into a thin line to keep him from yelling some obscenity, and it was only with a huge amount of willpower that he didn't hit something. "Hydra. They got in."

"Deep, it looks like," Bruce said as Steve continued to rock in a little ball. "I suppose this really does mean we'll be pulled from the fight."

Bucky didn't reply to that, focusing in on Steve, gently reaching out his left hand. "I'm right here, Steve," he said, not pushing contact. Steve was hallucinating, it was hard to say how he'd react to either hand Bucky offered, but he hoped that the metal hand would get a better welcome as something distinctly his, and not the flesh hand that could be any living person's.

Steve almost fell off the bed trying to scoot farther back, only partly stopped by the safety rail on the far side of the bed. Still not answering Bruce, Bucky carefully crawled up onto Steve's bed, as much as he could with such little room that Steve left him, and reached down, hauling Steve's back end up farther on the bed. Steve struggled, but Bucky held him tight with his slightly stronger metal arm. He was amazed the bed hadn't gotten decimated beyond the damage Bucky did yet.

"Yeah," he finally answered Bruce, trying to get Steve to rest against him so he could keep him still, keep him from falling or hurting himself. "We're out of the fight. Hydra's in too far."

If he weren't too busy keeping Steve still, those words would've reignited the fire from the lab, but Steve came first. Steve came first in all things. Hydra could pay another day; the other Avengers might even get it done before Bucky and Steve could safely rejoin the team. But for now, Bucky focused on keeping Steve from hurting himself.

"I'll bring in a chair," Bruce said. "I want to stay and observe and help how I can."

Steve wasn't struggling at the moment, just shaking in Bucky's tight grip. Bucky decided he could spare Bruce a glance. "Just don't let the other guy decide Steve needs to be held down with more strength than I have."

Bruce shook his head. "Not a chance," he said, then disappeared.

"Let me go," Steve whispered, his entire body trembling and Bucky heard tears in his voice. "Please, I have to save Bucky."

Bucky closed his eyes, fighting back the urge to cry, Steve's words hurting deep, hitting fear and frustration that he was forcibly not showing. "Easy, Steve," he said, voice no louder. "I'm right here. I promise, I'm right here."

He knew the words would mean little; Steve's head was lost in Hydra somewhere, but he wasn't struggling, at least, just curled up and crying and begging Bucky to let him go find him, as if it were a stranger holding him then.

Bruce returned with a chair from the nurses' desk, a rolling desk chair that didn't look comfortable enough for long term use, but would hopefully last until the hallucinations had passed into what would be a long and fevered sleep.

Steve continued to hallucinate, sometimes simply shaking and mumbling over and over again about wanting someone to get away, other times outright fighting Bucky as if he were personally responsible for whatever Hydra had done.

At one point, Steve managed to push Bucky off the bed and tried to leave. Bruce rolled his chair quickly into Steve's way. "Bucky, get up. Hurry. Please," he said in a panicked staccato, watching Steve hesitate.

Bucky was on his feet in seconds, grabbing Steve from behind and pulling him back away from potentially setting off the other guy. Bruce took a huge risk there that Bucky didn't think he should've. They could argue about it later.

"Steve! Easy!" 

Steve howled with anger, pulling with all his strength against Bucky's hold on him. Bucky was forced to kick the back of Steve's knees, sending him to the ground. He wrapped his mechanical arm around Steve's neck. It was slightly stronger than Steve was, it stood a chance of keeping Steve from running off.

Bucky had never dealt with someone else hallucinating, and nobody had been there to help him through his turn at it, so he had no idea if trying to talk Steve down would work, but he tried anyway. "Steve, easy, it's okay, it's me. It's Bucky. I'm all right, I promise. We're together again, Hydra can't get to us here."

Steve started shaking again, the tension in his muscles easing a bit. "I need to save him," he said in a cracked voice. "Let me go, I have to save him. Hydra has him, let me go."

Bucky relaxed his grip a bit. Steve didn't try to run. "It's okay, Steve, Hydra doesn't have me anymore."

His words weren't really reaching Steve, not that Bucky believed, but at least his mind had wandered off to something that didn't require fighting or running.

"Any idea how long this will last?" Bruce asked, standing up. "And should I call in back up for you to hold him when he gets like this?"

"No idea, and no," Bucky said, carefully getting Steve back on his feet. "Come on, Steve, sit down. Bucky will be here soon, I promise." He just assumed that Steve- even if the hallucination faded -wouldn't recognize him with the long hair and metal arm. So he played along with the fantasy Steve's mind was trapped in just enough to keep him calm.

Steve was starting to sway as Bucky guided him back to his bed. "Bucky's coming back?"

"It's not the end of the line," Bucky said, helping him get settled up on the bed and laying on his side. "He'll be here."

Bruce wheeled the chair into the room and over to Bucky. "Here, you'll need this more than me. When it looks like he's sleeping, I'll go sit with Jo. I'll be in easy reach."

Bucky nodded and took the chair, settling on it and wheeling himself up against Steve's bed.

The hallucinating lasted a few more hours, mostly expressed in the form of Steve curled up against the far edge of the bed, staring around the room fearfully and occasionally whispering Bucky's name, or a 'keep away' that sounded surrendered to whatever he thought would happen.

Bucky was hoarse by the time Steve actually settled off into a light sleep from trying to talk him through what was scaring him so much. Bruce checked his vitals with great care, not wanting to wake him up. His temperature had spiked to one-oh-one point three. Bruce ordered a softly wrapped ice pack for his face and not letting him get bundled under a lot of blankets. Steve's IV catheter was still in, though he wasn't connected to an IV line, so Bruce had Marybelle- starting her shift and relieving Jo of hers -reconnect a saline flush and a mild NSAID down the IV line to try to bring down the fever and help Steve's body finish expelling the drug.

That done, Bruce and Marybelle retired to the nurse's station, nothing more they could do but wait. The hallucinations had stopped, the fever had set in, which meant- at least Bucky hoped -that it was just a matter of waiting it out.

Bucky didn't move from Steve's side, sitting forward in the uncomfortable desk chair. He watched Steve closely for a half hour or so, petting his hair, until he was sure that Steve was truly asleep. He sat back in relief once he was, and took a few minutes to just breathe. He needed to breathe, needed a chance to roll his chair away a bit and rest his head on Steve's bed table.

He sat like that for several minutes before he lifted his head and stared at the sketchbooks piled there. The newest one was on top, and one of Steve's pencils was out of the package and broken on the floor, the victim of one of Steve's more violent hallucinations. Bucky picked it up, looking at it for a moment, before turning his gaze to the sketchbook. He remembered Steve telling him he was drawing out his memories. Curiosity compelled him to want to look.

Bucky knew that Steve hated it when his unfinished sketches were seen, and he had no way to know if anything Steve might've drawn was done, but maybe seeing what Steve had been drawing might help Bucky know how to help Steve the best once the fever passed and he woke up.

The broken halves of the pencil were tucked into their package and the sketchbook opened.

There were several pages of their apartment in DC near the beginning, but the sketchbook was just old enough that those images might not've been from yesterday. Bucky couldn't help but lift one corner of his lips in a smile. He missed that place, and Steve apparently had a touch of affection for it, to have been drawing it. Steve was rarely so nice to pictures of places and things and people he didn't like. 

The bedroom was drawn with great care, and Bucky drew in a deep breath. He missed the closeness of sharing a room with Steve, but both had observed that their new beds wouldn't fit in the same room anymore and that it was time they both tried to cut the stitches keeping them surgically attached at the hip. And while at the time, Bucky hadn't known Maria would become part of his life as she had, he had a feeling Sharon might move into that capacity and Steve would need his own room to share with her. It'd just been time.

With Hydra haunting Steve's head, that closeness might have to become reality again. He'd talk to someone about switching the queens out for twins and moving the beds into one of the rooms again. They could do something with the spare room this time, maybe a place for Steve to dedicate to art, or split the room with Bucky's tools and designs.

That was for later, though. Steve might yet come through the detox with Hydra gone.

He flipped pages, finding a few pictures of Sharon, though it was easy to see that the details of her face were lost to Steve's missing memories, at least for the moment. There was a picture of Maria, hair down in curls and in her dress she'd worn to the Christmas ball. Bucky wasn't sure why that memory had stuck, but he hadn't understood what had come up in his own brain when he was going through this, either.

The sketches got increasingly shaky as he went. There was a picture of Mario in there, and it made Bucky smile. He may not remember Sharon directly, but her thwarting him in a video game that was they played as a couple had stuck. Good. That meant he had a decent chance at remembering her faster than without that memory trigger.

There was a picture of Bucky on the next page, one he couldn't place when it'd happened. He was in uniform, but his mask was gone, and he was scruffier than he usually let himself be. He might ask Steve about when that picture was from, if it wasn't just a random sketch.

The second to last picture made Bucky freeze up, his own face staring up at him in terror, a deep cavern below him, Steve's hand reaching for him. The fall. The terrifying distance from the ground, the feeling of gravity pulling him down into death's jaws. He closed his eyes, flipping to the next page before he decided he needed another Ativan. That was a memory he hadn't expected to see in a sketch, had hoped that Steve wouldn't remember that vividly until after he felt himself again.

The last picture, the pages behind it blank, made Bucky have to squeeze his eyes tight to push away tears. The doctors, spattered in blood and gathered around him, shadowed heavily by an overhead light, the lines unsteady with a slight wobble telling of how much fear was in that memory. Bucky could only guess that the blood was mixed into the memory of the doctors by Bucky's murder of them, the two closely woven events blurred into one image.

He put the sketchbook back in its place, folded his arms on Steve's bed next to him, and laid his head down on them to rest.

Steve making a noise that sounded vaguely like words woke Bucky up and he sat up, blinking away a sleep he hadn't meant to have fallen into, and stared at Steve.

Steve had pulled his covers over him tightly, had put aside his ice pack that was probably no longer cold. "I'm cold, Bucky."

Bucky's breath caught in his throat. He heard Steve in that, heard a recognition that hadn't been there before, and he was crying before he knew it, pulling Steve into a tight hug. "You have a fever," he said quietly against Steve's neck. Steve didn't return the hug beyond reaching his hands out from under the blanket to grip Bucky's shirt. "You're at the Tower. Hydra drugged you."

"I know," Steve whispered, and gripped Bucky's shirt tighter. "They made me forget you. I never wanted to forget you." Bucky could hear the same tears in Steve's voice that was in his own.

"It wasn't your fault," Bucky assured him. "It's Hydra. It was their fault, not yours." He sat back just a little, against Steve's protest, against a whine and a tightening of Bucky's shirt in Steve's fists. Bucky pressed his right wrist to Steve's forehead. "You still have a fever. I'll call in Bruce."

Steve looked up at him with an almost pathetic look on his face, one that broke Bucky's black little heart. "Don't go. I don't want to see a stranger when you come back."

Bucky swallowed tightly, pulling him back into a hug. "You won't," he promised. "The drug's out, you just need to get over the fever. You're not going to forget again. You'll recognize Bruce this time, too. You just need a bit more care, okay?"

Steve let go of Bucky's shirt with one hand, groping around where the broken safety rail was, pulling up a remote still attached by a thick cord. He hit the red button on it. "Call button."

Bucky stared at the control. "Even when you're sick, you're better at this than I am."

That got a small smile out of Steve, then his free hand rejoined his other, balled into Bucky's shirt. "Don't you go anywhere this time."

Bucky rested his head on Steve's. "Not even to my own bed so I can sleep?"

"Not yet?"

"All right."

Bruce came in seconds later, announcing his presence at the doorway with a loud clearing of his throat to avoid spooking anyone. Steve looked out from his spot against Bucky, head pressed into Bucky's chest. "I don't want more medicine," he said, sounding firm on that issue. Bucky didn't blame him.

Bruce took Steve's tone- he might've heard what Bucky had -as a sign to walk closer. "Not even Advil? Might help bring the fever down faster."

Steve ducked back down into the bed, still holding onto Bucky's shirt.

Bucky reached down and took hold of Steve's hands. "Steve you're still sick. Let Bruce take care of you. He's a fellow Avenger, he helped get us out of that lab. He's not going to hurt you."

He wasn't sure what part of what he'd said that works, but Steve let go of Bucky to straighten out his hand with the IV catheter in it. "Just Advil?"

Bruce nodded. "Just Advil," he promised. "I'd prefer something more powerful, but I'm not going to do anything you don't approve of." He grabbed Steve's empty water glass and stepped back over to the door. "Marybelle, would you refill this and bring some Advil, please?"

"Should we tell anyone he's awake?" Bucky asked after Marybelle had taken the glass and Bruce had rejoined him at Steve's bedside.

"That's up to him," Bruce said, then looked at Steve. "Would you like us to let the others know you're awake? I can tell them you're not up for visitors, but your friends might want to know you're okay. Everyone's been worried."

Steve frowned. "Who all is here? I remember the girls, and Tony and Sam, but I can't remember if I've seen anyone else here."

"Thor showed up," Bruce said. "I don't know how much he's been told about your condition. I haven't left the medical center. I slept in the bed in the room next door when I was tired earlier."

"Tell the girls?" Steve said, uncertainty in his tone. "They were with us at the lab. And I think Sharon would want to know I kinda remember her again. A lot of details are gone, but she's back in my head too."

Bucky smiled and rested his head against the side of Steve's. "That's going to make her happy, you know," he said.

Steve heaved a heartfelt sigh. "I hadn't meant to forget anyone."

"We know, Steve," Bruce said. "It wasn't your fault." He glanced up, something everyone but Tony seemed to do a lot when contacting JARVIS. "JARVIS, will you call Maria and Sharon?" he said. "Let them know that Steve's awake and feeling better, just coming down off the fever."

"Of course, Doctor," JARVIS said. "Should I inform Mister Stark? He has been asking for regular updates."

Bruce looked at Steve, who shrugged, looking vaguely exasperated; a good sign, it meant that Tony was familiar to Steve enough to know the proper way to react to him. Bruce glanced back up. "Yes, please. Tell them no visitors, he's still sick, but he's awake and reacting to stimuli properly."

"I will do so," JARVIS said.

"Thank you." He repeated his thank you to Marybelle when she returned with a full glass of ice water and a bottle of Advil. He walked back over to Steve and handed him the glass. "Here, ice water. That'll help cool your core, bring down your fever." Then he handed over the Advil. "Same with this, this'll bring down the fever."

Steve sat up enough to take both, only taking two Advil at Bruce's advice, then set the water and bottle of medicine aside and pulled himself down under the blankets again.

"You should both sleep," Bruce said. "Steve, you're still sick, and Bucky, you need better rest than sleeping in a chair."

Bucky didn't disagree. He merely looked at Steve. "I'm sleeping in here, if you need me, just say something. I'll hear you."

Steve didn't look like he wanted Bucky that far away from him, but he agreed that Bucky needed proper sleep, saying he'd be okay. He was tired and cold and wanted to go back to sleep. Bucky wasn't sure if he actually wanted to or not; Hydra was still semi-in there, he could tell, but they might have been flushed out enough that he could sleep somewhat easily. So Bucky agreed and bid him goodnight, pulling off his boots and hopping up onto his bed to sleep.

Morning came at an astronomical rate, if how tired Bucky was was anything to go by. He yawned and stretched, looking over at Steve before getting up. Steve didn't look as pale, nor as restless in his sleep. In fact, he looked healthy. Although he clearly needed a shower. So did Bucky. And he wanted a change of clothes. But he couldn't go do that until Steve had woken and let him go. Bucky wasn't going to leave his side unless he was sure Steve would be fine with it.

So he got up and grabbed his note book and pencil and started working, or trying to. He more looked over notes he'd taken off and on the last couple days and wondered what the hell he'd written down. It was all nonsense.

Well, that page was getting torn out.

"Bucky?"

Bucky looked up to see Steve waking up. "Hey, Steve. Feeling better?"

Steve pushed himself up into a sitting position, quiet as he evaluated his answer. "Yeah. But I think I want a shower." He nose scruched up. "And new bed sheets. Man, my sweat stinks."

Bucky snorted and laughed, nearly dropping his notebook. "God, I love you. I missed your dumb ass."

Steve turned somber. "I spent that whole time missing you," he said. He took a deep breath. "Is that what it was like for you? Not understanding who you were?"

Bucky set aside his notebook. "Yeah. For a month. But you only lasted a couple days. Probably would've been less if not for the slowed metabolism. You don't have anything to worry about, stuff will probably come back quicker for you. Now go shower, I'll have Jo get you clean scrubs and fresh bed sheets." When Steve looked reluctant, Bucky gave him a weary look. "Steve, I need to shower and change clothes too. I haven't since we got here. We both need showers and clean clothes. Go on, I'll be right back down."

Steve turned on the bed to get down. He eyed the safety rail on the floor. "Was that you or me?"

"Me."

"Bucky."

"I had to get to you!" Bucky protested. "Now go shower." He paused. "Do you want me to have the girls come down after we're both cleaned up? I think the girlfriends would like to see us both okay."

Steve didn't answer for such a long moment that Bucky thought he wasn't going to at all. "Yeah," he finally said. "As long as it's after we're cleaned."

"You'll probably take less time than me," Bucky said. "I have more hair to wash. Although we both could stand a shave. You actually are starting to get stubbly."

Steve rubbed his chin. "Yeah. I'll ask Jo for a razor before I shower." He looked at Bucky. "You'd better get back down here as soon as you can."

"I will," Bucky promised, then pulled on his boots and headed out. He paused long enough to let Jo know that Steve wanted a shower and clean bed sheets, then headed up to the apartment.

It was suddenly strange, being separated at all from Steve. He could already foresee the mutual codependence coming back between them and he wasn't sure how to feel about it. On one hand, his worry and anger over Steve and what had been done to him made him very glad to become Steve's personal shadow again, but he knew it wasn't healthy, and was more because of Steve's state of mind than Bucky's own.

They'd deal with it when it came time.


	13. We'll Go Hand In Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So the eight of us protecting an entire country from a nuclear program in another country?" Thor said. "That seems like we would be overwhelmed. We are certainly a good team, powerful and able to take on some extraordinary challenges, but I believe this may be above us."
> 
> "Probably less than eight," Tony said. He looked dead at Bucky. "How right were you?"
> 
> Bucky didn't answer right away, couldn't. He wanted to be there for his team. He wanted Steve to be there for the team. He didn't want to tell Steve that they were out, that Hydra was too far in them both. But it was a question that had to be answered. "More than I wanted to be," he finally said. "They're in, we can't be trusted. Not now, not yet."

_where do we go from here_   
_where do we go from here_   
_the battle's done,_   
_and we kind of won_   
_so we sound our victory cheer_   
_**where do we go from here** _   
-Joss Whedon

Bucky had a thought. He hoped it was a good one, thought it was a good one, but Steve might not want to. But Bucky had to know how far in Hydra had gotten. Steve was obviously doing better now that the drug was out of his system; he remembered a bit more, spoke more confidently about what was still in his memories, but one subject he avoided at all costs was Hydra. Which told Bucky they were in there somewhere. The question was how deep and how much.

It was what was hopefully their last night stuck in the hospital- Bucky wanted to get back to his own apartment and cook his own meals and play around with his tools so badly he was ready to gnaw on his bed table. Bruce had let him have his tablet, so at least he was keeping up on the internet.

Steve apparently remembered that Bucky had a tendency to share horrifying things and warned him immediately to keep the internet to himself once Bucky had his tablet in hand.

Good. That meant Steve wasn't going to be surprised when Bucky failed to heed his warning.

But Bucky had that thought. He presented it to Steve that night before bed.

"Hey, Steve."

"Get off your tablet before you say that," Steve said.

Bucky made a face at him. "You're no fun."

"I try not to be when it comes to you and that tablet," Steve said, then pointed at Bucky. "That I remember very well. I can't remember specific examples, but I know I have had to drag you away from the internet to save my sanity."

"That was when I found the article about the dude fucking a Hot Pocket, and without letting it cool."

Steve threw his pillow at Bucky, smacking him square in the face. "Damnit, Bucky."

Bucky grinned, tossing the pillow back. "Just wait until you remember the snake."

"I don't want to remember the snake."

"If you don't, Bruce and I will remind you."

"Bruce is not that evil."

Bucky gave him a look of strong disbelief. "If you remember anything at all about him, you know that's not true."

Steve's face screwed up into one of concentration. "I... no, not that much. He's that bad?"

Bucky snorted. "Not bad as much as too deadpan for his own good. He and my girlfriend get along beautifully. If it wasn't for how well he gets along with Sharon and the two of us too, I'd worry that there's competition in this group."

Steve tilted his head, and Bucky watched the wheels turning, trying to dredge up lost memories. "I thought there were other Avengers."

"There are," Bucky said. "And Tony's usually around, mostly in the lab with Bruce and I. But it's us five that are around the most, so we're together the most. We still have the other Avengers, we just..." He stopped, trying to put thoughts back into words that had failed him. "I guess we're like a subgroup. Kinda like how the Howling Commandos were closer than the rest of the team on the mission against Hydra."

Steve went back to that thinky remembering expression. The Howling Commandos were something that were blurry in his memory still, Bucky had discovered. "I can't remember that." He looked down-hearted. "How long does this take?"

"As much time as it takes," Bucky answered. "Sam says that a lot. It's okay, you'll remember. Maybe we'll go back to the Smithsonian, try to get in when there's not five billion people crowded in there."

"That bad?"

Bucky rolled his eyes in a 'heaven help me' expression. "It's tourist season and we made the mistake of doing almost nothing to hide our identities in there. We were dumb."

"How long ago was this?"

"Couple weeks."

Steve leaned over, folded his hands on the back of his neck, head bowed. "I should be remembering this."

Bucky got off his bed and walked over to crouch in front of Steve, right in his line of sight. "You will," he said. "I promise. And we keep promises between each other."

Steve gave him a smile that wasn't all there. "I know."

"Speaking of promises..." Bucky said. "Need you to do something for me."

Steve looked suddenly suspicious. "What?"

"Don't act like I'm asking you to do something weird. This might actually be necessary to help you recover what Hydra took from your head."

That actually got Steve to sit up a bit, dropping his hands onto his lap. "I can't help but think I won't like this," he said. "But if it'll help, I'll do it."

"Promise."

"Before I know what it is?"

Bucky reached up and took one of Steve's hands. "Trust your big brother on this, yeah?"

Steve's shoulders slumped, even though his expression clearly said he knew he didn't want to do what Bucky was about to ask. "You've said that before."

"And I was right."

"Which is the only reason I'll say I promise to do whatever you're asking. Just be nice about it."

Bucky took a deep breath. "It's not going to be nice, more than likely. But I _need_ to see how far into your head Hydra got." Steve started to protest, but Bucky kept talking right over him. "Steve, you know they're in there. It's a question of how far, and it's important to know. I know the way out, for the most part, and I can't help you if I don't know how far in to go to find you."

Steve really didn't like that statement, didn't like how right Bucky was, his expression and body language looking ready to argue. He looked back down at his lap. "Not that far," he said, a clear lie.

"Steve, don't lie. You're still not that good at it, and you can't lie to me." Bucky moved to grab Steve's eye contact again. "I mean, Steve, don't lie to me. Not now, not on this."

Reluctantly, Steve looked back at him. "What do you want me to do?"

"This is your first night without the drugs," Bucky said. "Which I can promise will mean nightmares. Any that wake you up, I want you draw something that stuck out the most before you go back to sleep."

In a pitiful grab to get out of his promise, Steve tried to look at Bucky like he was crazy. "You want me to keep a dream diary?"

Bucky scowled at him. "Don't be dumb. You know damn well what I mean. Just for tonight. If we can't tell, one more night before I make the call."

"What call, to not put me in therapy?" Steve asked, not sounding happy at the prospect. Bucky didn't blame him, he'd hated the idea too, perhaps more. "I'm _fine_ , Bucky."

"You promised."

Steve looked away, then sighed and back to Bucky. "All right, you're right. I did. I can't promise that you'll get anything useful, but I'll draw for you."

Bucky patted Steve's knee. "Good man. Now, lay down and go to sleep. It's late, and if your pathology clears, Tony's gonna wanna call an Avengers meeting."

Steve looked up at him as Bucky stood. "Why? What happened?"

"The lab," Bucky answered. "I stole some information on Hydra while we were there, and we gotta figure out what to do with it and how."

"This feels familiar."

"Because you've done it once before," Bucky said, walking over to his bed and dropping himself on it. "That's what you and Sam worked on together. Maria and Natasha were part of it, too. Don't worry, it'll make sense eventually."

"I hope so," Steve said, laying down on his side to face Bucky, just as back in DC. The only difference was that the beds were positioned such that Bucky was going to have to sleep on his mechanical shoulder to face Steve. But he wasn't going to turn his back to Steve when he was needed, so he'd put up with it.

"Night, Steve."

"Night, Bucky."

Steve woke up several times during the night, waking Bucky in the process, but he kept only one eye cracked when it happened, watching Steve, sweaty and shaking, trying to draw what he'd just dreamed, clearly a nightmare. There was one point where Steve simply got up to use the restroom, and Bucky let himself go back to sleep. Steve didn't need his vigilance just to piss.

Bucky woke up first, to no real surprise. He'd woken several times that night, but had a relatively peaceful rest in between, and didn't stay up very long when he'd woken, just long enough to ensure that Steve was keeping his promise, then back down into the wonderful world of a deep sleep.

He was quiet when he got up, taking his turn in the bathroom before Steve woke up and demanded he hurry. But he had a chance to take a regular routine that included shaving unmolested; Steve was still asleep when he wandered back out into the room.

Deciding Steve would be unlikely to wake with nightmares anymore, he quietly grabbed the sketchbook he'd seen Steve drawing in over the night and took it back to his bed. Settling in, legs crossed, he dropped the book on his lap and started going through the images.

The last familiar picture was that shaky one of the doctors, and the ones after that were no less poorly drawn, the lines wiggling and sometimes ending in nothing. But the images where still recognizable. Steve's shield with the Hydra symbol- Bucky could only assume that was a reaction to finding out he'd been working for them through SHIELD. It seemed logical, at least, although it could mean far more.

The other pictures were more of the same; the doctors, Schmidt, Zola's face warped on what looked like a computer screen. Lots of bad memories, but all of Hydra. And those doctors cropped up again and again and again, sometimes in nonsense images, sometimes crystal clear. There was one image that Bucky recognized very clearly, the image of him in cryo, the picture on the Winter Soldier Project files. There was another image of Bucky, fist bloodied above what Bucky assumed was Steve's own point of view. He was forced to look away from the book for a second, recognizing that. He saw the dawning of realization on his own face.

"It's not the end of the line yet," he whispered to himself, turning the page before his own hands started to shake as much as Steve's had been while drawing last night.

The sheer number of pages that Steve drew on was astonishing. Bucky didn't remember him waking up that many times; all he could think was that Steve had drawn more than one image per nightmare. Good, that gave him a better idea.

And it wasn't a good one. Hydra was in there, and deep. How long it took him to recover depended on a lot of factors, one of which was going to be patience Bucky wasn't sure he had.

"Is that what you wanted?" Steve asked.

Bucky looked up at him. Steve was still laying on his side, watching Bucky with a look of unsettled sleepiness.

"Yeah," Bucky said, trying to keep his tone level. "You did good." He nodded his head towards the bathroom. "Now go get around. Bruce will probably be here soon with your pathology reports." There was a knock on the door frame and Bucky looked over. "Or now, instead of soon. Hey, Bruce."

Bruce stepped in. "Good morning. Have those pathology reports I heard you two talking about."

Steve sat up. "Am I clear to go home?"

Bruce smiled with a nod. "You are. Your numbers are consistent with someone whose metabolism is five times faster than normal. I'm taking you off the medicine, let your body finish getting you back to where you were before on its own."

"Thank god," Steve said, looking ready to jump off his bed and head upstairs. "I want a real shower and my choice of clothes." He looked down at his scrubs. "Bucky, did you bring anything for me to change into the other day when you went up to shower?"

"Yeah, they're in the closet. And if you throw a pillow at me for the shirt, you are getting mine stuffed down your throat."

Steve stopped halfway off his bed. "You grabbed that Captain America shirt, didn't you?" Bucky gave him a wide grin in return. Steve gave him a tired look, but fetched his clothes and wandered into the bathroom.

Bruce looked at Bucky. "I need a report from you," he said, motioning to the sketchbook. "Is it bad, or are you just looking at old stuff?"

Bucky looked down at the notebook, the last image of the murdered doctors, more blood in the room than had actually been there. It was all over the walls, all over his sheets, all over the Soldier. "I was right," Bucky said, voice quiet to avoid Steve hearing. "Call Tony, tell him we can meet up."

Bruce didn't answer him in words, just took in a breath, nodded once, then glanced up. "JARVIS, call Tony, tell him we're ready for that meeting."

"Of course, Doctor Banner," JARVIS said. "Stand by, I will ask Mister Stark where to have the Avengers meet."

"Probably the penthouse," Bucky said, closing the sketchbook. He set it aside, pulled on his boots, and then started gathering up all of his and Steve's things. "We'll meet wherever after we put these away," he said.

Steve came back out in his clean jeans and t-shirt, a dark grey with the image of his shield plastered right over the chest. Bucky turned his face to hide the amused and completely evil grin on his face.

"Mister Stark requests all Avengers gather in the penthouse," JARVIS said, right on schedule. "You are to, quoting at his request, 'hurry your asses up.'"

Bucky rolled his eyes. "Tell him we'll be there when we get there and to put out the fire under his ass," he said, before looking at Steve. "Come on, let's go put these away. Make his royal majesty wait."

"Bucky," Steve said, giving Bucky a stern look. "That's not nice."

"I'm not feeling nice," Bucky said. "And Tony had JARVIS swearing at us, he can just have a drink and settle down."

Despite his words, he and Steve did not take long to put away the notebooks and pencils they'd both taken down for their own amusement. The penthouse was only a few floors up, and Bucky counted the seconds it took the elevator to get them there.

The girls and the other three men in the group were already waiting. Bucky wondered how long Bruce had been there- they couldn't have been far behind him. Tony was at the bar, drinking a glass of a clear liquor, as Bucky had a feeling he might.

Tony pointed at them. "You kept us waiting."

"We had stuff to clear out of the hospital," Bucky said, moving to take his usual chair. Steve hesitated, then took the couch seat closest to Bucky. He didn't seem to know that's what he usually did.

Bucky's temper ticked up a notch, then got pulled forcibly down again. "So start talking," he said, looking over at Tony.

Tony pointed at him with his glass. "You don't get to talk to me like that," he said. "You're the one that gave me that stupid USB."

"It was Junior's idea to grab the other information," Bucky said. "Blame your UI that you decided to name after your _cat_."

"She treated you well, don't you make fun of her," Tony said, walking over. He took a seat in a chair and motioned at the central table where the USB sat. "Okay, long story short, Cap and Bucky got a job offer from Israel to go break up a Hydra base in Palestine. Big trap, everyone knew that. These three-" he swept his hand at the girls and Bruce "-decided to tag along, make things go easier. The Hulk ended up destroying part of a very old archeological dig site. Now we have information they got that puts Hydra in Israel's government."

"Then we release the information as was done with SHIELD," Thor said. "That seems a simple choice."

"Yeah, not so simple," Tony said, sitting up a bit. "As any of the other Americans here can tell you, British boy, Israel, while generally loved by us, is hated by everyone in that area. Especially Iran."

"I have heard of Iran. President Ellis and Prime Minister Scott have been working with other countries on terms to lift the embargo on their oil," Thor said. "But what do they have to do with Israel? They are three countries apart and are not in rivaling trade industries."

"Good point," Tony said. "Glad you're half paying attention to Earth politics now that you live here." He sighed. "The problem is, Iran has a nuclear program. They have nuclear weapons, and they hate Israel with a passion. Iraq used to stand as a good distraction for Iran, but our dumb country destroyed Iraq's government. And Afghanistan's, who might've also been good at keeping Iran off of Israel's back."

Sam covered his eyes. "I see where this is going. We release this information, everyone's going to be trying to hunt Hydra down."

"Yup," Tony said. "Fortunately, Israel's government is built to bounce back from poor elections, but with Hydra in there nobody's going to trust whoever gets in after a re-election. And so soon after taking SHIELD down, I'm not sure anyone's going to trust the US going in and doing it. Which means a lot of people are going to be investigating everyone in the Israeli government before letting them run to replace a Hydra seat. That's all well and good, but as long as they don't have a stable government, their military is going to be strained to keep Iran or any of the other Arab nations from attacking. Israel has a nuclear program- the world at large doesn't know that, but I do, Stark Industries helped them develop them, I am loathe to admit -but if they bring that to light, especially with Russia backing Iran..."

"We have another Cold War," Bucky said.

"World War III might've been better," Sharon said, resting her chin on her palm and her elbow on her knee. "At least a world war wouldn't create a ten year quagmire like Vietnam."

"What do you think happened with Iraq?" Sam asked. "It was the exact same, except we used terrorism and not communism as our scapegoat. So our position is only going to be worse."

"Israel would be smart to not reveal their nuclear program," Maria said. "Junior said there's no information indicting the prime minister in Israel. There is a chance that she will listen to reason and keep that quiet unless absolutely needed."

"Or we could just drop the information and let them glass each other," Bucky said, a statement that earned him some shocked looks. He shrugged. "Hydra's probably in both countries. Let them scorch the damn earth between them."

"Bucky, that's going to put innocent people in the way," Steve said. He may not have understood entirely what was going on, but he knew enough to scold Bucky for that.

"Fine," Bucky said. "What do we do with this, then? I say drop it like we did with SHIELD. If we're worried about people blaming us for it, give it to Anonymous."

Sam pointed at Bucky and looked at Tony. "That's not a bad idea. The Anonymous thing, not the other."

Tony took a long drink of his liquor. "The only problem is that even if it doesn't come back that we got the information in the first place, Hydra is Cap and Bucky's thing. And they're Avengers. And we already exposed one major government as having Hydra in it. We're gonna get blamed one way or another. Or at least made to clean up the mess."

"So the eight of us protecting an entire country from a nuclear program in another country?" Thor said. "That seems like we would be overwhelmed. We are certainly a good team, powerful and able to take on some extraordinary challenges, but I believe this may be above us."

"Probably less than eight," Tony said. He looked dead at Bucky. "How right were you?"

Bucky didn't answer right away, couldn't. He wanted to be there for his team. He wanted Steve to be there for the team. He didn't want to tell Steve that they were out, that Hydra was too far in them both. But it was a question that had to be answered. "More than I wanted to be," he finally said. "They're in, we can't be trusted. Not now, not yet."

While Tony looked grim, as did the girls, Sam and Thor seemed confused. Bruce was already aware. Steve, however, beat both Sam and Thor to the question. "Who can't?" he asked. "What's this about?"

Bucky wasn't going to argue it with Steve in front of the others, so he stood. "Come on, Steve, Out to the landing pad. We have to have a talk."

"Bucky-"

"Now."

Steve jerked back from the harshness in Bucky's tone. Bucky rarely took that tone, rarely tried to order Steve around, at least not against Steve's will. But he was still the leader in this matter at least, so Bucky would take the lead and demand his orders be obeyed. Steve got up and followed him.

"We'll be back," Bucky told the others at the door to the landing pad, then pulled it open and let Steve go first.

"Okay, what's this about?" Steve demanded once the door was shut.

"We're not going to be joining the fight against Hydra."

That made Steve actually look angry. "Bucky, they have _always_ been our job," he said, voice working up to a shout very quickly. "We are _not_ abandoning people when those bastards are still-"

"Stop," Bucky ordered with a hard voice. "Steve, listen to yourself. Listen to how aggressive and angry you are. I know you have right to be upset, but you didn't even give me a chance to explain why. You ran right over your best friend and yelled at me."

Steve lowered his voice a few decibels, but the hostility on his face didn't abate, didn't even soften a little. "That's because my best friend is being stupid."

"I saw those pictures, Steve," Bucky said, voice firm, loud enough that Steve would have to yell again to be heard over him, and with a sharp snap of a commanding officer that he'd always had the ability to do, despite his lack of rank. "They're in. Tell me truthfully, how would you react to me being out there? Hydra got in. Got back into me. You saw what happened to those doctors. They're back in. If I saw you out there and you got so much as a scratch, the monster would come back. And I can't promise he'll care about anyone but you, who he might hurt to get to you. That includes our teammates. I'm benched, Steve. Can you handle being out there without me? Can I?"

Bucky didn't like a word he was saying, and Steve clearly didn't either, but the words were hitting home and while the anger was there, it looked redirected back on himself. Bucky would deal it that in a second, deal with putting that anger back where it belonged without it working Steve up into a berserker frenzy for Hydra's blood.

"We're stuck in the dug out, Steve," Bucky continued in a softer and more patient tone. "There's no way around it. Hydra made us not to be trusted by our own teammates. Be angry, yes. But not at them, and not at me. But you know that's where that anger's gonna go with how far in Hydra's gotten."

Steve stared at the ground, fists clenching and unclenching. Bucky waited patiently for his words to finish sinking in. Finally, Steve looked defeated, looked almost ready to cry from frustration. "They got back into you?"

"The second I saw you on that operating table," Bucky said. "They're in us both, and it'll take time that the Avengers don't have to get them out. We can't go into the field with them."

Steve took in a deep breath, looking up and away, then back at Bucky. He wiped away the tears forming. "Fine. You're right. I can try to lie about me, but I have to take care of you. I can't let the Winter Soldier back out there."

"And I can't let Captain America out there," Bucky said. "We don't go anywhere without each other. So if I'm stuck, so are you."

There was a long pause as Steve looked off over his shoulder. "All right, we stay behind. Maybe we can help Bruce."

Bucky had a bad feeling that that wouldn't happen, but he kept that thought to himself until he'd talked to Tony. He grabbed the glass door. "Come on, let's go back in. We can help plan strategy, at least."

Looking defeated, Steve stepped back inside and went back to his chair. Bucky felt awkward, sitting back down next to him, all eyes on them. "We're benched," he said. "Hydra did some work on us, we need to sit out until it's out. We'll stay behind. Steve can help with strategy, I can help come up with new weapons in the lab."

Tony nodded once or twice, not making eye contact, which meant he was thinking. "I think we'll be safe to keep the Avengers here," he said, sounding like that's not what he really wanted to say. "But I want you two not here."

"What?" Steve sat up. "Tony, Bucky just pointed out how we can still help."

"Yeah, I know," Tony said. "But I know how vicious the Soldier can get when it comes to Hydra, and we don't know how bad you'll get. I don't want out of control tempers and grudges interfering in what we have to do. And you two are clever, I don't need you sneaking along." He held up a hand to forestall any arguments. "I have possession of an old boarding school in upstate New York. It was for gifted kids or something like that. I never used it, I was already in MIT before I was old enough to go to the place. But I've had the grounds maintained. I'm going to send you and Bruce and the girls there."

Bucky had a feeling that had been coming, and Tony made a good point about the grudge match against Hydra showing up, but he wasn't about to go without a protest or two. "Tony, that only-"

"Leaves three Avengers," Sam finished for him. He looked at Bucky. "I got this." He looked back at Tony. "But seriously, Tony, you're sending away five Avengers, that leaves you, me, and Thor."

Tony shook his head. "Natasha and Clint are off-grid, I can't contact them, but I can promise as soon as this information hits the web, they'll be back within a day or two. And I'll see if the president can spare us Rhodey. That's five."

"Five."

"It only took four of you to take down SHIELD," Tony pointed out. "And there'll be five of us if I can get Rhodey."

Sam put his face in his hands. "Tony, taking down SHIELD with an info dump and turning three helicarriers on themselves is not the same as protecting an entire country from getting blasted by nuclear weapons." He dropped his hands. "We're gonna have back up, sure, I don't doubt that. Israel's gonna be using their own military, and even if they're not trusted, the US is gonna have their military in there, guarding the place."

"The Prime Minister, if she's innocent, might give us control of the military there," Tony said. "Israel's only not been bombed yet because of the US and the fact that they keep sabotaging Iran's efforts. It's too late, the weapons are built, but we can follow their tactics, disarm the problem before we have to wish for an interdimensional portal for me to throw a nuclear bomb up into. We'll have back up."

"Yeah," Sam said. "But again, five of us. It'd at least be eight if we kept Bruce and the girls."

"I can't go out," Bruce said. "Steve's memory loss is a medical condition, caused by a drug. He's been through the worst of detox, according to Bucky, but I have to be around in case something else comes up."

"And if Hydra's in them enough that they can't fight, with Bruce going with them, we want someone who can keep the boys from setting off the Hulk," Tony said. "So yes, we're losing five people."

"We will need a doctor as well, if Doctor Banner is to leave," Thor said. "Do we have anyone else we trust to tend to our wounded? And have we plans to hide our family members who cannot fight?"

Maria spoke up. "We've hidden my father and Bucky's brother. Tony won't say where. I would recommend you hide Jane and the others on Asgard, or some other place where they can't be reached."

Thor shook his head. "I cannot take them to Asgard. My father does not like mortal humans much and greatly disapproves of my choice with Jane. I can take them to Vanaheim, where my friend Hogun lives. I will ask him to protect them for me. But there is still the problem of who will be doctor for the remaining Avengers."

"I have someone," Maria said. "He used to work for SHIELD, and yes, he's trustworthy. He assisted in the recovery of Nick Fury behind Hydra's back."

Wait, what? Bucky slowly turned his head to look at her. She couldn't have just said that, he shot Fury several times after he was already injured. "When were you going to inform me that Nick Fury was still alive?" he demanded of her.

She looked at him. "It hadn't come up where I could safely tell you, and when we were in such a place, it didn't come up, so I didn't think to," she said. "I put so much blame on Hydra that I admit I sometimes forgot that you were their weapon in that assassination attempt."

"That is at once comforting and upsetting," Bucky said. He looked at Steve. "Did you know about this?"

"Who's Nick Fury?"

That answered that.

Bucky waved off the missing memory, clenching his teeth in frustration. "Fine, who's this doctor?"

"Doctor Matthew Hope," Maria said. "I still know how to contact him, he can be here within a week."

"Give JARVIS what he needs to find him," Tony said. "I'll have him here in less than that." He downed the last of his liquor. "Okay, one last thing for you five. Packing. JARVIS, get those movers who helped get Cap and Bucky to the Tower here. We need boxes, and lots of them for these five, so have our shipping department start bringing them up. Bruce, after you're done packing your regular stuff, I need you help closing up the lab. I can't work without contact with you guys."

"No contact?" Sharon asked. "How're we supposed to know what's going on?"

"TV and radio," Tony said. "But no, no outside contact. No telephone, no internet, nada. I'll give you Junior and the quinjet, but I swear to god, if I find out it's being used for anything but an emergency, I'm removing Junior rights from you guys. If Hydra finds you, get out. Otherwise, stay put. If we need you, we'll get ahold of you through Junior."

Bucky sat up. "Got a question. How the hell are we supposed to _eat_? We have no outside contact, we have no Avengers' income. We have to stay hidden, we get no local jobs. What're we supposed to do, become hunter/gatherers? Form an agrarian society?"

Tony gave him an insulted look. "I'll keep money in an account for you," he said. "I'm not going to let you starve just because I'm keeping you isolated, for god's sake. Junior will handle the transactions, there's a town nearby. We'll get you a card to a fake bank that pulls funds from Junior's systems. As far as not getting recognized in town, that's up to you guys. You're all smart, you'll figure out something. As for electricity and indoor plumbing, that's all set up. You've got an arc reactor powering the place, no electric bill, water's recycled on a closed system, heating system runs on the electricity, not gas. The only thing I don't have set up yet and will by the time you get there is trash. Otherwise, the place has been ready to go for years. I cleaned it up and set it up as a safe house for the Avengers right after New York, it's all ready to go. You'll be fine. Now." He stood. "Who wants a drink while we wait for those boxes? I'll drop the information as soon as you guys are packed and ready to go."

Almost everyone in the room wanted a strong drink; Bruce refrained, pointing out that while he was still capable of handling strong liquor, with as stressed as the situation now was, nobody wanted to chance how the other guy would react. Maria turned down a drink to Bucky's lack of a surprise; she wasn't much of a drinker to begin with, and now she had something to focus on. She wasn't going to be imbibing anything.

Sharon and Sam both wanted some, although Sharon asked for something not quite as strong as the others. Her stomach wouldn't handle it with the worry. Man, she had a sensitive stomach. Shame, she missed out on a lot of good food because of it.

Steve, Bucky, and Thor, however, all wanted strong drinks. Nothing Tony could offer could get any of them drunk, but the point wasn't the buzz, it was the thin rope of sanity they needed for just a few minutes before life exploded on them.

Bucky got up to help Tony carry everyone's drink out. He grabbed Steve's arm and dragged him along to do the same. 

"Just so you know, we got the blood off your coat," Tony said to Bucky as he poured the drinks. He handed two to Steve and directed him to their customers. "I'll have it sent up while you pack. After we finish these drinks, you should be seeing some boxes coming in. Start packing right away. Make sure everyone packs a suitcase or something to get through a few days. The boxes will be coming in within a week, Junior will you have you there first thing tomorrow. I made sure that there'd be a way for us to get there easily if I decided we needed to hide out there for awhile, so she'll have a convenient parking place."

Bucky took the next two drinks that Tony provided. "We'll be ready. Tell the movers we'll put the boxes out in the hall. Keep them out of the private apartments."

"Not a bad idea," Tony said, grabbing the last three drinks, one a bottle of a cider with a low alcohol content for Sharon, easy to carry with both hands full with regular glasses. "JARVIS, you heard that. Pass it along."

"Yes, sir," JARVIS replied.

After a few minutes of near-silent lingering over drinks, the five who had to pack departed. The residential floor they all lived on had boxes stacked in front of doors, and one of the other elevators opened to reveal two women hauling more to the doors. Steve and Bucky's apartment was getting a higher stack of the unfolded boxes, the flat cardboard starting to slide around. The third elevator opened and two men appeared with yet more boxes.

Bucky wondered just how many boxes they thought they needed, but while he and Steve hadn't had much to move from DC, they'd acquired more things since moving to the Tower. More art supplies, more books, and Bucky's tools. It was a big job they were looking at.

Big job or not, it was mostly tedium. Overnight bags were packed first, set aside to be grabbed the next morning. Bucky grabbed the bag they'd taken to Nebraska that held their uniforms and weapons, along with their money and the Winter Soldier Project files. The cash meant that Tony had time to get that fake bank card set up and working, if he needed it, and Bucky passed that message along through JARVIS.

Packing the clothes that weren't in their bags was dull. Most packing was, but packing clothes was exceptionally boring, although it proved to Bucky that he actually did have a more monochromatic wardrobe than he thought. He'd have to apologize to Steve for denying it.

"We're leaving things like dishes, right?" Steve called to Bucky from the kitchen.

Bucky poked his head out from the bathroom where he was trying to figure out what was packed and what went into overnight bags. "Probably," he said. "Ask JARVIS." He paused, glancing back in the bathroom. "Ask him about towels and linens while you're at it."

"The only possessions that require packing are personals," JARVIS answered before Steve could ask. "Dishes and linens are already at the boarding school. May I recommend, however, that you unpack that box of books into two boxes?" Steve looked over the box of books by the bookcase. "It would be terribly heavy for the movers."

"Right. Super strength," Steve said, heading back over to the bookcase.

Bucky went back to packing the bathroom.

Steve's art supplies and Bucky's tools were the last things packed, done with great care. They were the more important things getting packed, aside from the uniforms and weapons. The only thing that had gotten as much attention was Bucky's Dresden Files books. He wondered if Peter was going to try to continue to send them through Tony. He wouldn't put it past his brother.

They stayed up too late that night, trying to pretend they weren't leaving the next morning, and slept on the couches at Bucky's suggestion; Steve had asked if he could sleep on the floor in Bucky's room, apparently forgetting their alternative to such an arrangement. The couches seemed to satisfy Steve.

They woke early the next morning, got ready to leave, then packed the last of their toiletries and the overnight clothes they wore that night before. Bucky shooed Steve out the door, pausing to grab their uniforms bag. Steve waited out in the hallway for him.

Bucky paused at the doorway, taking one last look around the apartment. The sectioned off living room, the large kitchen, the table where Steve always painted and Bucky worked on studies and occasionally finding traumatizing things to share with Steve on the internet. It was all empty.

So this was how the world ended. Not with a bang, but a whimper.

Bucky turned off the lights and left.


End file.
